Should I ask a friend of mine to set me up with someone

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Hello, this is my first real post here, and I'm asking this because IDK whether or not I should go through with this.

A friend of mine, let's call him Pablo, knows a lot of people and gets out often, he and I used to hang out before he moved a few towns over, and we've been friends since kindergarten (we are now in our 20's). He knows a lot of people, and I figure at least one of them has to find me attractive.

However, I get a nagging sensation that I shouldn't do this for a couple of reasons, here are some of them:

- I'm afraid that he'll think it's weird that I'm asking him to give me someone's phone number
- He's straight, and I'm not (bi with a male lean), and I think it would be awkward for him to ask his gay friends if they are single
- He's getting married soon, and I don't want his soon-to-be wife to get the wrong idea
- If all of the above are just me overthinking, then I don't want Pablo to think I'm mad or upset at him if the resulting relationship dosen't turn out well.

If I sound like I'm overthinking or paranoid, it's because I probably am overthinking, and I tend to be a very paranoid person in general. Some advice on what to do would be very appreciated. The idea popped into my head a while back, but I just question whether or not I should actually go through with it.

Then don't ask him to give you someone's phone number. If you decide to proceed with asking for his help, just ask to be introduced to some of his single gay/bi male acquaintances in whatever way Pablo deems appropriate. Tell Pablo that it's okay to pass along YOUR phone number and/or email address and/or social media contact info, if Pablo thinks that's a good idea. Might be a good idea to call Pablo's attention to some recent good photos of yourself, and ask him to consider passing those along too.


Hopefully he would already know which of his gay/bi male friends are single?


Exactly what "wrong idea" do you fear she might get?


You can cross that bridge when you come to it.


Whether it's a good idea would depend on a lot of factors having to do with Pablo himself, his personality and attitudes, and how well you and he know each other. You obviously know Pablo a whole lot better than we do, but how well do you know him? Do you think he is likely to be willing?

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 28 Dec 2022, 10:15 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Thanks internet person, you put a lot of my worries to rest. I'm going to talk to him about this the next time we speak, I'll post an update topic when that happens.

I'd say it's weird to ask a straight guy for homosexual hookups, and more so a poor source for that specific information.

Go right ahead.  If you are asking for random introductions (a.k.a., "Blind Dates"), just try to not be dismayed as to the kind of person they think you deserve.

I don't think it's too weird to ask your friends if they know anybody and you can be set up with someone. Just make sure you ask your friend to try and set you up with someone who they think you'd be compatible with.

I once got set up on a blind date that went HORRIBLY and had absolutely nothing in common. So yeah, make sure your friend will set you up with someone who they believe is a good match, and not just some random person because you both happen to be single.

I was under the impression that the OP was looking for a relationship, not just "hookups," although I could be wrong about that. The OP doesn't specify this one way or the other, actually.

Anyway, how "weird" this is could vary a lot depending on the particular straight man's attitudes, and on how well he knows his gay friends, and on the local culture.

(In many parts of NYC, it wouldn't be "weird" at all. Perhaps it would be "weird" where you live in Virginia.)

yea

If I knew a gay friend, then I might arrange a meeting in a neutral spot. You don't want to expose your friend to potential trouble (like getting ripped off by the guy whom your friend met).

At this point, I don't actually know any gay people at all, so I wouldn't be able to effect the actual introduction/blind date.

If you're in highschool it would be ok, because that's what kids do, but if you're an adult it could be seen as a bit lame to ask a friend to set you up with someone.
Also, it could potentially strain the friendship between you and your friend or your friend and their friend if it doesnt go well.

I played middleman once as an adult and it was a disaster.

Never, ever again.

I wouldn't put anyone in that position on my behalf, either.

I encouraged a couple on WP to get together and it was disastrous too.
But then they got married.

Imagine that!

Mine was a couple from WP as well.
They most decidedly did NOT get married.
I think you saw the train wreck.

Props to the other two.

I've asked various friends & cousins to set me up & no one has ever tried to except for one friend when I was 19/20 & not seeking a relationship yet. Me & her probably woulda had a relationship if I was interested at the time I say it's worth a shot asking someone who knows you to set you up but do not pressure them or blame them if they don't or if they do & things don't work out.

It isn't just kids who do this. Indeed it used to be quite commonplace among adults before the Internet era.


There are various potential dangers including the above, but there are probably ways to avoid or mitigate them.

Here are some articles containing relevant advice:

- Setting Up Friends and Being Set Up: The Dos and Don’ts
- How to Set Someone Up With Their Right Match the Right Way
- How to Ask Your Friend to Set You Up on a Date, According to Experts
- 5 things to keep in mind when your friend sets you up

I can't vouch for how sound the advice in these articles is, but most of it looks good offhand. It's probably a good idea at least to think about the issues these articles raise.

Lots of people feel nervous around crushes & make bad impressions as a result.
I think it would be easier to just find someone interested in us or who would be willing to give us a chance. Then we try to make a decent impression on em & the crush feelings can develop after we get to know each other more.


My parents were set up by a mutual friend during college.