I need serious help

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I al in need of help, i am 36 about to be 37, never been kissed, or had any friends, no education, live 100% off my payments i draw from my father. Im not deep on the spectrum but i am far enough that ive been ignored by every girl ive ever messaged on dating sites and most live far away or are very overweight or twice my age. I am seriously thinking about hiring an adult worker from tryst. As i want to know what it feels like to be kissed and what sex feels like as i am a virgin. But i have also lost all hope that i will ever find a girlfriend. I live with my father who is un supportave and always going off leaving me the house while heas having a life with jis girlfriend, theres never really anything to eat here because he doesnt bother really buying food because hes never really here. I suffer from chronic lonliness and at this point, id give my soul to satan himself if hed give me a girlfriend even if it was a demon in human skin, i am despreate and have no ability not to be desperate, my aunt just died, now my mom isnt far behind, once she leaves ill have no one to talk to and talking online doesnt help. I cry everytume my father is away begging god for a friend or help of any kind, but am starting to think maybe suicude if my only escape from being so trapped in this prison of a house with no transportation anywhere or friends to talk with and hang out with, and my only sister who lives a state away does calk to check up on me which i hate because shes super toxic and tells me ill never have anyone because im considered broken and trash. I dont know what to do and an afraid i am just gonna take my fathers gun and escape this helish lonliness, i just want it to stop, i want the lonliness to end at any price. Satan ill give u my soul if you give me a girlfriend and a life even if u kill me in a week. Please someone help me escape this lonliness, im screaming for help online and have reached the very last endnof my ability to hold on.

You have my sympathy.

You are not trash or worthless but judging by your lifestyle written in your post it sounds like your autism is holding you back from friendships, employment, etc. That is not wrong, as you can't help the way you are.

You may be better off finding a girlfriend with the same sort of life challenges as you, like a girl with autism or downs syndrome or whatever. Plenty of people with those conditions are also lonely and want a boyfriend, and are usually more honest and loyal.
If you find NT-ness more attractive than neurodiverse then it might be a bit harder for you. But I'm not you so I can't really give a straight answer and I'm trying to avoid the same boring cliches that people probably throw at you, because hearing those never helps.

But you're welcome to come and chat to us here on WP.

I think a lot of people here are in a similar position to you. But you do have value and you wont always feel this way.

You said you've been begging God, how much?
I tried that and it worked...eventually.

No don't ask god. He's the one who put you into this mess.