Breaking the Acquaintance Barrier

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So I'm 32, I have Asperger's, I have learned and studied and have done a LOT of work to become more social and try to blend in and be well reviewed by peers, coworkers, etc. This was all before I knew who/what I was and knew what the term masking was. I pretty much live in a mask whenever I'm outside my home, but I've grown accustomed to it and okay with it.

I like professional settings where the rules are straightforward. I tend to revert back to professional politeness in social situations which I'm unsure on how to behave or what to say, and I know this makes me appear odd. My husband (endearingly) pointed out that sometimes when I speak to his family or friends on the phone it sounds like I'm trying to sell them something, heh.

I'm rambling, but the point of this was at work, my coworkers and colleagues, I really like some of them and enjoy socializing with them. The problem is, whole I think I am fairly well received, it just doesn't seem like I can get past just a work acquaintance type of relationship. I noticed at times I'm often left out of after work activities, do not get invites or notices of events that they attend together. My work is also very cliquey and I do know there are groups of people who actively dislike me, for reasons I've been trying to work through with my husband's help, but that's another post. I understand social situations enough to understand I'm "that" person at the office, the one that most people avoid. It's so hard then when the people I sit close to who I actually get along well with seem to follow that mindset as well, even though they are friendly to my face.

I've dealt with this all of my life. I've always had to be the teachers partner because nobody would pair up with me, I've always sort of found solo hobbies and activities etc. to entertain myself because social or group settings are just usually more reasons for people to exclude me. I'm not trying to be in a victim mindset either, I don't blame people for not wanting to hang out with me, that is their right. I just wish I had more self awareness so I could try to correct whatever behaviors are so off-putting. Like I said I'm used to wearing a mask, I'd be fine adorning it with more decorations if only I knew what to do. I also know this is not a socially acceptable thing to ask people.

My husband who adores me as I am is neurotyoical, and he empathizes with me and tries to help but I just can't make him understand. He simply tells me everyone is stupid and if they don't like me then there's something wrong with them. while that's nice to hear it doesn't really solve my problem. When I tell him specific scenarios he tries to point out how he would see it from an outsiders view and how I MIGHT be being perceived but then it's like he's speaking a different language and I don't understand.

Not sure what I'm looking for here, it's my first post so this is obviously at a point it's bothering me enough to reach out. Thanks in advance!

Yep.....what you've described---is what many people on this Site go through.

You will have plenty of people relaying their experiences with this, should they see this thread.

Welcome to WP.

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

The discusison-thread title, 'Breaking the Acquaintance Barrier' is spot-on. Thank-you for sharing your experiences.

It's helpful to write, and read about important social skills and friendship experiences - that is writing and reading about important experiences might very well encourage others (and ourselves) to break the acquaintance barrier.

Today at work I was asked if I would like to sign a card for a woman at work whose mother died. While I feel sympathy for anyone whose mother died, I hesitated. The holder of the card asked “you don’t want to sign it?” I said “ I say hi to her, but I’m not sure she knows who I am.” The card holder said “ok, don’t sign it.” And walked away.

I’m truly still not sure if what she meant was:
1) given that information it doesn’t make sense for you to sign the card.
Or
2) you’re a jerk.

Probably 2. What would have been better would have been if she had said “it doesn’t matter. Sign it anyway.” Then I would have signed the card.

I don’t actually want to socialize with my coworkers, but I would like them to not think I am a jerk.

Office politics dictates you sign the card, no matter what.

Yeah, my husband already corrected me.

There was just too much to process - the persons name, the fact that someone died, what was appropriate behavior in this situation, the card, the pen….

And then we shifted to attempting to respond the the assumption that I didn’t want to sign while still trying to formulate an answer to the original question.

I froze. Then I messed up. And this is why *I* don’t make friends at work.

I’m sorry that happened to you.

Office politics sucks.

Anybody involved (or are considering involvement) in social activities outside of their places of employment?

Activites in arts & culture - like painting, drawing, photography classes - or volunteering are great places to develop freindships.

RELATED: Here in the 'Social Skills & Making Friends' Forum, the discusison-thread, 'I Dislike Socialization But I Crave It So Badly' has becoem an active discussion-thread.

The title of the discussion-thread is "spot on" - that is I sesne everytime we read, and hit either the 'POST' or 'REPLY' options to participate in the discusison-thread, it's boosting (in small ways), and encouraging ourselves (and others) to.............break the acquaintance barrier!

ALSO RELATED: The discussion-thread 'Need Video-Clips On Boosting Social-Skills' can offer encouraging resources.