Is it common for aspies to say no to unknown situations?

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catpiecakebutter
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08 Jan 2023, 1:34 am

For example my parents are going away to Mexico and my sister and brother in law will be looking after me. My sister had offered to do something (I won't say what it is because it's too embarrassing) with me in evenings but I said no because she works at a job with seniors and I afraid if she was late due to the job or had to cancel. Also I have said no to unknown situations before, however I can't remember what those situations are. I'm curious if it's common for aspies to say no to unknown situations due to anxiety and not like the unknown.



Agent_Elflord
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08 Jan 2023, 2:13 am

Probably. It makes sense since we're not big fans of unplanned change.



AprilR
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08 Jan 2023, 5:48 am

Yes, change and breaks from my routine do make me anxious



Dengashinobi
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08 Jan 2023, 5:54 am

I'm always a "No" person, so is my father who is also on the spectrum.



Edna3362
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08 Jan 2023, 9:06 am

Not in my case.

Curiosity and boredom just overpowers me to not decline a change.

Probably because...
Whatever's the current excitement I'm dealing is not pleasant, or just wanting to fill this lack of plans...

Because most of my own plans for most of my life, whether it's short term or long term, doesn't go in my way and so just leave it blank or completely optional anyway because people around me -- and my stupid impulses -- do not compromise enough unless I completely cut them all off.

Unfortunately, I'm not able to do that.

So why not ride someone else's whose plans would more likely to actually happen -- where people are likely to compromise and listen?
And tame this spoiled brat in my head for once?


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Quantum duck
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08 Jan 2023, 9:18 am

Absolutely - the unknown is a lot!

Dh made plans to eat dinner tonight at a restaurant I have been to before with friends we have known for 26 years and I can pick my food at home before we go. That is hard enough! Will it be crowded? Will it be loud? Will someone sitting near me be wearing cologne? Will it be too hot or too cold?

Why can’t they just get a pizza and come to our house?



autisticelders
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08 Jan 2023, 3:41 pm

absolutely. I need time to get used to an idea if something new is proposed, learn about it, think about it, maybe talk about it or look stuff up on the internet... the unknown is scary, and I need to reassure myself that I can handle all the "what ifs" that my mind creates for me around it. I have learned over time to ask for more information and details, and to ask for time to think about it before I decide for sure. You might still be able to do this depending on what was proposed and how you are thinking about it now. Pretty usual for us to resist anything new due to thinking we might somehow "fail" at whatever it is. If we have been pushed into a lot of things that turned out negative for us, especially with certain individuals, that might be enough to make us put on the brakes or wave the "no go " flag . You are definitely not alone!


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ToughDiamond
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08 Jan 2023, 5:14 pm

Yes, my default response to an unknown situation would be "no." But if I have time to consider it, I might decide it's worth the risk. Or I might just be feeling bored or mindful of the downside of my tendency to play it very safe (i.e. missed opportunities and mediocre experiences), and that might spur me into taking a bit of a plunge.

The wording of the question - "to say no to......" implies it's about situations where somebody else suggests or urges this step into the unknown. In that case, I'm less likely to do it than I am if I've thought of the idea myself. I don't know for sure whether that's because I'm prejudiced towards cynicism about other people's suggestions or whether it's just that other people's suggestions just aren't often very wise in terms of the way I function (I don't think they often know much about how I function, they mostly either assume I function in a normal or average way, or they project their own way of functioning onto me).

It's also usually better when I think of the idea myself because of the way I create and develop ideas - i.e. with my own nature very much in mind, either consciously or unconsciously, so if I have an idea at all it's kind of inherently matched to my nature. Like preparing a meal for myself, I'll usually create something much more suitable for my individual preferences than anything that somebody else would come up with, though exceptions are always possible because I don't always get everything perfectly right for me, and another person might happen to make a random change that I'd never have made, e.g. my wife made a salad recently which tasted great, and I think the reason is that she accidentally used sunflower oil instead of the "correct" thing (olive oil), and I'd never have done that because I usually work very carefully, defensively and narrowly, making very few mistakes, unless I'm in an experimental mood or just not functioning well. Similarly, other people's suggestions might be serendipitous like that.

It's an interesting topic, and touches on a matter I'm always returning to in my thoughts when I'm wondering how I might improve my ways. I don't think I'll ever embrace the unknown but I might do well to be a bit more friendly to it.



SharonB
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08 Jan 2023, 5:32 pm

Depends on my calculations. I am ASD, ADHD, and GAD. I do impulsiveness combined with anxiety. My son is straight up ADHD and GAD without ASD but can pull out a strong "no" in the face of the unknown when GAD has him. Take for example this morning. "NO!" he was not going to watch an IMAX movie at the museum. We just got back from the museum. After we went through an exhibit, Yes! he agreed to watch the IMAX movie and -gasp- enjoyed it. I can think of a million examples for myself throughout life and recurring examples also that I can't seem to overcome even though: I know from experience I am fine after I do this thing and yet NO! I don't want to do it. Something as simple as mixing together sugar and butter. It's emotionally painful to consider. Because Sensory? Boring? Traumatic (joking, or am I)?



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14 Jan 2023, 3:42 pm

The Autism Spectrum might be described as, "aversion on overdrive." Such aversions are why it's difficult to develop friendships.

In the 'Social Skills and Making Friends Forum', a current discussion, 'Breaking The Acquaintance Barrier' might off helpful examples.



Silence23
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16 Jan 2023, 6:58 am

I basically always say "no" if it's not part of a expected routine. Though I was more flexible when I was younger. Not sure if the reason is anxiety. I think it's more like stress avoidance. My brain has a very hard time adapting to new situations. Though anti-anxiety medication (maybe one which is known for increasing neuroplasticity, in my case Tianeptine) may reduce the stress, and increase willingness to try something new, even if it's stressful.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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16 Jan 2023, 2:30 pm

Saying "no" could be a good or bad thing

Plenty of neurotypicals say "no" to unknown situations.