Dating sites

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Has anyone here ever had any luck joining any dating sites? I signed up for Aspie Singles and like most sites like these, it's pretty much dead. One of things that always keeps from meeting someone is embarrassment about the fact I live on disability and my other issues. As an apie or whatever you want to call, it's a huge barrier to meeting that right person if they even exist.

I've never tried a dating site for people on the spectrum, though I don't imagine there would be much activity. I've tried some dating sites on and off for years (not tinder though...) Mostly off, but I'd say I've given it a decent chance. I started online dating during the time that it was still taboo to say "We met online". I had mixed experiences with it. I met some nice people (including my first serious boyfriend) but there are definitely challenges. I find it quite tiresome and haven't really tried for the past 5 years or so (and before that, I had taken a long break). Most of the time I haven't lasted very long before deleting my profile. Or if I met someone I liked I would focus on them, which isn't really a good thing half of the time. I really don't like talking to a lot of people (which, a lot of the time, is kind of necessary for online dating...), and would get overwhelmed when several people were messaging me. Not putting up photos helped with that, but then I would be getting a message maybe every few months (usually to compliment my write-up) and nothing substantial ever came from that. I also think that with the popularity and normalcy of online dating, it became more of a validation tool for many.

I understand the embarrassment aspect. I work part-time though I'm also on disability for multiple conditions (ASD being one of them). While I'm not necessarily going to ignore questions, I'm not a fan of discussing work unless I know they won't judge me. If they find out I don't have a full-time job, I know they are wondering how I can afford to live at all. Living off of part-time wages, as a single person, isn't possible here unless your job pays enough and mine certainly doesn't. I haven't even told most of my friend's that I'm on disability, as there is such a stigma against it. Especially if you aren't blatantly physically or mentally impaired.

List of dating sites that I know of, that are intended specifically for autistic people:

- Uneepi (based in NYC)
- Hiki: Friendship and Love for the Autistic Community
- AutismDate
- Disabled Mate: Autism Dating Club and Asperger's Dating Club
- Aspie Singles
- Date Singles With Aspergers

Thanks for the replies. I'll try some of those sites you listed but yes it can get tiresome meeting so many people just to be rejected over and over but I'm trying not to take it too personal. Another thing is a couple years ago I did meet someone in the Philippines, but it got so intense for me that I basically just burned out from barely getting any sleep since we were on opposite time zones, and we were talking over 8 hours a day on video. This lasted for about a year, and I wasn't in good shape at all. I was honest with her about my issues but I don't think she ever fully understood even though she was a special education teacher over there. They have a different way of looking at autism sprectrum issues then we do in the US, another thing that scared me. Anyway, I have to learn better self-care if I actually do want a long-lasting relationship.

Speaking to my grand nephews and neices, once you hit 30, searching for true love in your hometown through dating sites is like searching for water in Death Valley,

In theory the internet should make it easier but the supply is scarce. Where you can take advantage of the internet is to communicate with young women in foreign countries who have some rudimentary English skills.

I haven't used any dating sites specifically for people on the spectrum. However, I have used dating sites (OkCupid, Plenty of Fish, and DateHookup). I found a girlfriend on each of those sites.

However, I also had lots of failures. Been blocked. Been ignored. I even had a woman threaten to contact the cops if I sent her one more message (When I shared the story on this forum, one poster blamed me for using a dating site in the first place, which really ticked me off).

With 2 of the girlfriends I met on dating sites, I was jobless when we first met. But I was in college for one of those relationships, and fresh out of college for the other one (therefore, being jobless wasn't entirely unusual). Unfortunately, being without a job at your age will likely get you judged (I'm not saying it should get you judged; all I'm saying is it sadly will get you judged)

That being said, I'd recommend giving dating sites a try. When you're on the spectrum, you tend to make a bad first impression in person (I speak from experience). If your first impression is online, it's easier to make a good first impression.

Interesting. When I was young (pre-OLD) it seemed girls would behave as though interested in me at first but then quickly lost interest. The only ones that stuck around were those who had some sort of issue of their own, including likely neurodiversity.

I know what you mean. Even though I generally make a bad first impression (in the context of dating), I sometimes manage to make a good one. Yet even when I make a good one, she'll often lose interest quickly.

Which leads to a lot of self-loathing (and reluctance to allow anyone to get to know me). I don't even bother with trying to date OR make friends anymore. Because when they'll lose interest in you once they see your true colors, why bother?

I once joined a dating site years ago when I was single (can't remember what it was now). But I didn't have much luck with it. I couldn't seem to feel a romantic connection with anyone. I started to get to know one guy on there but he wouldn't let me see what he looked like until we had got to know each other more, then once we had then he added me on Skype and I saw him on webcam or whatever it was for the first time. But I didn't physically feel attracted to him, plus he had a different culture and religion (but he still lived in the UK). I didn't feel it would work out, and he lived in London in a rough area that didn't have a very good reputation, so I had a gut feeling that he wasn't the right guy for me. When I let him down gently he sent a nasty message and blocked me. So that was the end of that.
Then I got talking to another guy who had a fictional character as his profile picture and he only came online sporadically, so I wasn't really building up any connections with him. I gave up in the end - and a few months later I met the man I'm with now, which was local, not via a dating site.

Between marriages, and long before I knew I had ASD, I had quite a bit of success with online dating. I met my second wife on line nine years ago and had I think four short relationships with women I met on line.

Online dating can be very difficult for men. You really have to have your sh-t together.

Well in all fairness to that age group, anyone over 30 might as well be moving into a retirement home. lmao... YES, there are, statistically speaking, fewer single people in their 30s than in their 20s though I think that's a bit of an exaggeration. In reality finding love online can be difficult for anyone. There may be more options in your 20s but then that can cause the problem of TOO many options. People can get addicted to the attention and the thrill of the chase (if they're getting matches that is. If not they just get discouraged and feel like crap about themselves). The endorphins they get when they're getting likes or flirting with someone new. So even if you find someone you start dating and think something serious might happen, they may enjoy that online life a little too much. And relationships take work that many people aren't willing to put in. Not saying you should totally stress yourself out over them, but some people run at the first little issue because they figure it's just easier to go online and find someone new. I've known several people who are serial online daters. Always online, swiping, meeting people, dating for short periods of time, then getting bored and moving on to the next person.

Bizarrely enough, I met my partner of 3 years and counting on Tinder. Possibly the most notorious site for predatory people, but I got talking with her and everything clicked. I wasn't aware at the time of sites that were specifically for people with autism, but I did notice some people on Tinder had autism and were very direct about it in their profiles. I tried messaging one person with a profile like that but with no success. I wouldn't recommend Tinder though in general, it's a very dense site where everything is about how someone looks and less about their personality. I was lucky to find someone who bothered, in a truthful way, to fill in their profile. There are also a lot of people on there who just want fun/to cheat so unfortunately it can be a minefield.

Yes. The one that brought me the most success was RSVP.

@Mona Pereth have you or anyone you know had any success on any of these aforementioned autism dating sites? Curious to know since I have tried the likes of tinder, pof, badoo with diminishing returns.

You know, I do recall some years ago when I was active, there was a couple that met on this site, started talking to each other very frequently, within like a year of them getting into a relationship, they got as far as getting married and moving in together. I also wondered how they were doing? I think it was around 2010 though.

Me myself had a fair share of experience with dating sites with basically little to no success. The closest I had was finding someone from a site called Zoosk if I recall. We really liked each other, got communicating and as soon as we met in person, just didn't click as we thought we did and ended up losing communication. Never ended on bad terms thankfully. Just never bothered again with it since.

I was on churchofChristsingles.com, Christian Mingle, and Plenty of fish.I got no dates on church of Christ singles because there was nobody in my area and I got a couple dates years apart on Christian mingle.I got no dates on plenty of fish.