Is this Selective Mutism ?

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mdmom
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Joined: 20 Aug 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 31

12 Jan 2023, 9:51 am

Hello everyone, I'm reaching out to you all today to seek help on how to make life any easier for our son and us (myslef, dad and sis). I feel so drained that I am unable to think straight.

My son (25) has high functioning autism. He has just finished his bachelor's (Math major) after A LOT of hard work and support. As he struggles a lot with expressive/receptive language and social communication; so he was never able to make friends throughout school/college years. The rejection and social isolation through the years gave him anxiety, OCD and depression but he pushed himself hard and focused on studies (which was nt easy either). He received a lot of speech and social skills therapy (privately and IEP) but his limited vocabulary, limited interests, slow processing and difficulties with word recall continue to this day. He also has a rigid, black & white mindset and has trouble understanding the world around him- traditions, cultures, relationships etc.

Until a couple of years ago, he used to have terrible meltdowns at least once a month when he would sob and cry hysterically for hours, furiously asking us how we are able to talk to people and connect with others; he would say he did not belong anywhere, is tired of feeling empty and alone and did not want to exist - he would express anxieties about a life alone when we are not around etc. After hours of comforting and counselling he would calm down a bit and in another day or two, would gradually return to his quiet routines. Now at 25, the meltdowns are farther apart and not as intense (still cries), but he has become very withdrawn. Other than "how was your day?" (or night, when asked in the morning), he cannot think of anything to talk to us about. He does expect me to talk to him though (has said it many times), but he cannot handle any deeper/more meaningful conversations. He does not have any opinions about anything, does n't make any comment about anything leaving the whole burden of a conversation on me. Often, he finds something upsetting about the topics I choose. The only times he is expressive is when he complains and cries over how he has never had any fun experiences in life, like others his age.

We don't socialize much because hearing others communicate / laugh makes him sad and anxious in a pre-meltdown state, leading to a meltdown. Even in company of extended family, he is having a harder time at small talk. He clams up and gets into a mental freeze and cannot talk if a few people are talking; even if we are talking about something simple like laughing about our silly cat, he does not contribute and sits for a while and walks away.He I wonder if this is this selective mutism? Anyone knows about its diagnosis and treatment ?
Thank you so much for any and all help, I appreciate it.

PS: He is on medication for anxiety/depression and also sees therapist weekly.



kraftiekortie
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12 Jan 2023, 10:11 am

Congratulations on your son gaining his mathematics degree.

Will he be going for his Master's?

Here are some potential careers for people on a Mathematics path. This would be a start, I believe.

https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/fi ... d-salaries

I'm not sure if what you've described is "selective mutism." I am not "selectively mute," but I do clam up sometimes in company.

I'm sorry he's feeling so down, and so down on himself. And I know it's difficult for you, too.

He should certainly be encouraged to pursue a career. Getting a suitable job will help him with his self-esteem. If he likes the accountancy aspects of mathematics, especially, he will do well career-wise. I would encourage him to go on this path.

Here is a typical program leading to him potentially becoming a Certified Public Accountant:

https://www.devry.edu/get-started/busin ... 14e0dbf1b1

There will be other people who can offer different sorts of advice than mine.

I feel like most people who are adults want to contribute to the household expenses involved with living with parents---or move out on their own. I believe this ability inevitably increases a person's self-esteem. Let me emphasize that I don't feel critical of those who, for various reasons, find it difficult to obtain and maintain a job.

A person who lives with one's parents can sometimes become caregivers to these parents as they become older.



Clararawr
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Joined: 20 Jan 2023
Gender: Female
Posts: 15

21 Jan 2023, 12:02 am

Hello, I am new to wrong planet but I do sometimes go selectively mute.

Your description doesn't reflect my experiences of selective mutism (That doesn't mean it wouldn't reflect others experiences). They do reflect my experiences of heightened depression and stress.

Is there a chance your son is simply more depressed than usual and is mourning the end of his studies? He is now facing an unknown future. He spend a while with a set expectation of what his days will be like and now he has no idea what to do. His depression is likely also making him think very loud thoughts of how awful he is and life is etc. and therfore it's pointless to set a new goal or infact do anything etc. etc.

I may be wrong but I can recognise that behaviour as when I felt these things.

I'd advise supporting him and gentle pushes towards a future goal.

He may need to step up his antidepressants temporarily to combat the added distress.

I think there are vocational occupation therapists too that may help though I got through it with time to think, support and meds.

Good luck