Buying into NT programming

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I had a slight (well minor) epiphany today in the sweltering heat of the Australian summer sun. For a lot of us (both neurodiverse and neurodivergent) we are presented with barriers to fully assimilating into NT society.

Some of us succeed and achieve all our personal goals. For most of us we achieve some things but still have more we want to do, whether it be friends, partners, jobs, a home etc. Some of us don't know how to start the journey.

I think the key for those of us who succeed in getting all we want the answer is actually quite simple (when you boil it down), It amounts to having the capacity to buy into NT programming. In other words tolerating the initial cognitive dissonance and reprogramming ourselves to follow groupthink. This is the basis of being accepted as a active member of society, a club or a member of a religious community. Normalising reprogramming takes time but after a while we (as Marx warned) follow the masses e.g. Follow social trends, invest in clothes and join the right networks. After some resistance against acceptance, persistance and perseverance usually pays off.

There is a psychological basis for this (it's not just cyberdad's thoughts otherwise I know nobody will believe me).
Psychiatrist Victor Frankel came up with logotherapy. The primary basis of logotherapy is acceptance (not unlike Carl Rogers). Fundamental is to adopt a modified attitude toward personal suffering based on the circumstance you find yourself in.

Having a positive disposition toward people whom you know dislike you and adopting attitudes that might conflict with personal beliefs/attitudes/values might be counterintuitive but in the long run they make you happier as you learn the wisdom to accept things that are out of your personal control.

I encourage people to look into logotherapy to help reframe life and be less bitter. Frankel believed you can find meaning by making yourself more amenable to be accepted socially. It's not about changing whom you are but having the emotional capacity to be flexible.

NTs are basically social, and they prioritise social settings ahead of their own personal needs. Being open to new experiences means buying into NT programming and accepting your "own lot" while being open to joining the social bubble that you might currently avoid because it's "too hard". Even if you get one new friend out of adopting this mindset I think it will be fulfilling for many WP members.

/triggered

Why?

Plenty of Autistics do buy into "NT programming". This is called internalized ableism. Some of these people can pull off faking being NT for years or even decades. But they are not NTs and often eventually it catches up to them in the forms of "Autistic Burnout", Depression, Anxiety from fear of being found out, dissociation and more.

I am not advocating being a hermit, or just saying f**k it. Learning new skills is a good thing, and for most people having success requires faking being NT at times. But when you do fake it always remember that you are doing it to gain something, not to do the impossible and become an NT.

I understand from my daughter's perspective that she is entering a hostile environment. People are hostile toward her.
But at the same time she wants to be their friend.

I am not talking about wholesale buying into NT programming. Even I don't do that. But let's not kid ourselves. Living in this social construct we all take steps in that direction. People who claim they don't are lying to themselves.

My point is not to feel bad about it. Either way we are all outsiders to NTs. Many of our autistic community successfully engage, find life partners, friends among NTs. It's not like I'm talking breaking new ground. Just a fresh perspective.

In our many years on this site, we have read too many posts from people who are distraught, depressed, and suicidal because they bought totally into it, and figure they will never get those things they bought into.

And on an autism site, if you say "buy into it" people are going assume you mean buy totally into it, black and white thinking. I make that mistake here plenty of times.

I get it. The trick is to know how far you can "blend in". The problem is where you want to be completely divorced from the NT world. That's impossible,

I think she was joking.

Buying into NT programming may be a part of it but I also think a part of it is just, your ability to concentrate for long periods of time can determine your success in both education and employment. Some people, through not fault of their own (they're not just "lazy") can't sustain concentration and that means they won't be able to join the middle class income bracket. Things like home ownership and fancy cappuccino machines may be forever barred from them.

NTs may prefer to be social but I don't think that's a form of cognative dissonense. It's just a preference. I don't really like the tribalism that comes with thinking of NTs as some villainous group who are conspiring to undermine our success. They're just people.

(Not saying you were trying to villify NTs, cyberdad)

True NTs can act illogically at times. So can we.

Concentration is simply sustained cognitive effort

Deploying your energies toward concentration to "fit in" in terms of group think and the associated actions around conversation/activities is literally the whole purpose of NT programming.

It's also a good way to get stuff done. Are they programming us to get stuff done or is it just reality that if you want stuff to get done you have to do stuff?

Yep...its just basically re-directing that programming toward NT groupthink

Are NTs really that bad?

You do realise this can be applied to politics, also, right?

I'm not.

"Completely divorced"?
You need to define what this means.

I don't "buy into" NT programming in the least.
I never fake being NT.

The main problem for me is executive dysfunction.
We are not "lazy".
We simply do not have enough "spoons" to go around.