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kraftiekortie
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17 Jan 2023, 12:59 pm

One has to determine the answer on an individual basis.



playgroundlover22695
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17 Jan 2023, 9:13 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Hi PlaygroundLover.

I'll give you support. I'm sorry you're going through life like this.

At least you're qualified in something quite important.


Thank you. That really means a lot to me. I know I'm probably overreacting because the truth is, I have a pretty good life. My parents help me with my bills, I have a roof over my head, plenty of whatever food I want, etc., but I still feel like I'm missing out on the opportunity to have good friends and a close relationship with a significant other. It's tough sometimes, thinking about my friend of 13 years throwing me out of her wedding. I just want to be able to have at least one intimate friend that I can talk to about ANYTHING. This way, I don't have to go on public forums everyday and bother people on the internet. :roll:



SharonB
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17 Jan 2023, 11:07 pm

Comes and goes with the degree of skills and stress. When my skills are greater than my life stressors (e.g. it all goes according to my multiple color-coded plans, or I am truly winging it) - I am "less" Autistic. When my life stressors exceed my skills (e.g. I get three legal notices at once with bolded, underlined italicized extraneous paragraphs) - I am "more" Autistic.

Interesting case studies are my BFF and I. Both Autistic but manifesting differently. In our childhoods, we didn't have control over our life stressors, so how much of her calm and my chaos was nature and nurture and how much have we perpetuated inadvertently or not?

My BFF structures her life in such a way that she feels "less" Autistic (calm, comfortable): less demands, e.g. 1 pet, no spouse, no kids, one job. She lives life "small". Avoidance is her #1 coping mechanism (very little to no conflict); she has a 2% chance of meltdown. Less Autistic outward behavior, but a more Autistic lifestyle.

I structure my life in such a way that I feel "more" Autistic (sensory edge, uncomfortable): more demands, e.g. kids, marriage, many pets, work, volunteer. I live life large. Fooldom is my #1 coping mechanism (not good either; I need more scaffolding); I am pushing meltdown 80% of my days. More Autistic outward behavior, but less Autistic lifestyle.

Together we are moderation and perfection. :wink:



Vazra
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19 Jan 2023, 5:04 pm

I can believe that it could be a different answer for many. For me it hasn't faded. In my head it's the same.

After reading responses I see people commenting that the movements are not so bad. After being reprimanded by adults and teachers when I was young one learns to hide things. So with age one should learn to mask. But it's still very much a part of me.



lostproperty
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20 Jan 2023, 3:06 pm

Most of us will eventually find our way into a routine that better suits our needs than, for example, the one size fits all environment that is school.

If you're suddenly catapulted into an unfamiliar situation as an adult, the old issues may return and possibly be worse than ever. That has been my experience. I've been relatively content for the past 5 years or so and haven't thought about my autistic issues much. When I do it tends to be when I'm worrying about what the future has in store and how I will struggle to cope.



playgroundlover22695
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20 Jan 2023, 9:06 pm

lostproperty wrote:
Most of us will eventually find our way into a routine that better suits our needs than, for example, the one size fits all environment that is school.

If you're suddenly catapulted into an unfamiliar situation as an adult, the old issues may return and possibly be worse than ever. That has been my experience. I've been relatively content for the past 5 years or so and haven't thought about my autistic issues much. When I do it tends to be when I'm worrying about what the future has in store and how I will struggle to cope.


That's how it is for me too. Also, I don't struggle with changes in my routine per say, but I do feel frustrated when no one asks me about a change or tells me that I will be doing something different. For example, at my job we have to bring the children out for recess. There is a chart in the lunchroom that states what class(es) I am responsible for on each day of the week. If I have it in my brain what class I'm in charge of and then all of a sudden, I'm told in front of the kids that my class is ready, but it isn't my normal class, I feel frustrated. I don't react or say anything, but it's frustrating. Similarly, if I am not asked to supervise more than one class and everyone forgets about another classroom because someone is out and the responsibility falls on me, I feel frustrated. If someone asks me to do it, I am completely flexible and would be more than happy to. It's just when someone is out, there is a change of plans, and no one informed me of the plans before lining the children up. I don't even need an advanced notice. Just 5 minutes is fine.

Also, this happens to me with my food. I am an extremely picky eater who expects to know what foods are being served at each meal. Breakfast and lunch I have the most control over as breakfast is usually cereal, yogurt, waffles, or bagles/muffins and I normally eat the same thing everyday for lunch (canned soup with beef jerky, cheese, and homemade trail mix). Dinner is where I usually have problems because if I'm not cooking and someone else changes things up (ex. we're having a different kind of rice than the one I like with my pork chops even though I clearly like this rice too), I get very upset and start yelling and I make a face like I'm about to cry. I also don't like trying new things because the idea of trying something new gives me a lot of anxiety. My family has always encouraged me to try new foods do to the fact that I'm so picky, much to my dismay. :roll: