Autistic male vs female experience with romantic success?

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I saw a video where they were interviewing autistic youth about their experience with autism. At the beginning of the video they asked questions and the young autistic people would hold up a piece of cardboard where it was written "Yes" or "No" on each side. What struck me was that when they asked weather autism is causing them difficulties in romantic relationships, all males responded "Yes" and all females responded "No". And I can confirm from my personal experience that of those who I know and whom I suspect to be on the spectrum, the males tend to be single and the females are never single, regardless of looks. I am wandering wether there is a different experience between autistic females and males in this regard.

Last edited by Dengashinobi on 15 Jan 2023, 8:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

Actually, I've noticed quite a few single autistic women here on Wrong Planet. Some of these women periodically complain about their difficulties finding a romantic relationship, although they tend not to complain about this nearly as often as quite a few men here do.

But, yes, it does seem that autistic heterosexual men tend to have greater difficulty than autistic heterosexual and bisexual women with finding a date.

I think the main reason is that modern Western dating customs still require the man to take the initiative. Thus, at the very beginning of a relationship (though not later on in the relationship), the man's social skills matter more than the woman's.

Yeah, I think this is the main reason too. I think another factor is the difference between what heterosexual men tend to want in a woman and what heterosexual women tend to want in a man.

Autistic people being disproportionately unemployed, underemployed or working entry-level jobs is more detrimental to an autistic man's dating prospects, as income and career tend to factor more into women's dating criteria for men than vice versa.

For heterosexual females it could also be a function of the autistic female brain being more “male”.

In childhood, most of my friends were boys. In high school the number of friends I had was statistically insignificant, but I had a boyfriend. In college, most of my friends were men. These friendships were based on common interests. If you are surrounded by people in your dating category all the time and they can relate to you, your odds of a date go up.

Yes, the dating game is easier for women on the spectrum than it is for men on the spectrum. It might be because a lot of autistic men have the nerdy stereotype about them which a lot of women (Aspie or NT) find a turn-off (I don't know why). Women with the nerdy stereotype aren't such a turn-off to men.

I think autism displays itself differently in women and men. I noticed autistic traits seem to rub off on men worse than women.

A socially awkward an naive female might be seen as cute where a socially awkward an naive man.....a lot less so.

I think this is reflected in diagnosis rates too. Autism seems to be more noticeable in men but I think equal numbers of women and men have autism.

I can always sense that a man is autistic but I can't really sense that a woman is autistic unless she's really obvious, but even if she has some obvious traits it still takes a lot for me to be able to sense autism.

At my last job a young man started and it only took a few minutes for me to sense that he was autistic. He spoke in a monotone voice and looked over your shoulder when speaking to you instead of making eye contact. Those two things alone were enough to make me sense autism. But I know that if he had of been a girl with those same traits I still wouldn't sense it, I'd just think she was shy or perhaps had some other disorder like anxiety or bipolar.
Where I come from it's quite "in" for women to have mental health issues and be open about it.
But I think women are more afraid of men with diagnoses like autism because men have testosterone which can make them more aggressive.

So what I'm saying is autism is more prominent in men, and when they're attracted to a girl they inadvertently show even more signs of autism or oddness that can turn us off.

This resonates strongly with me. I'm terrified of having crashes. My social deficits increase substantially when in front of a girl I like. I become much more self conscious to the point I can't function properly and my only way to get a sense of control is to completely avoid her. I have to avoid the one person I would really like to be close to.

Yes, some traits of autistic women seem very cute. While autistic men come accross as "incells" or snobs or disingenuous at best.

Haha, finally few women here are admitting that; it is has been for years guys here were being silenced whenever they point to this *super* obvious observation.

I don't mind admitting this, because it's true. I have a feeling that there are more autistic men on this earth who are struggling to get a date than autistic women on this earth struggling to get a date.

While I seem to be crap at making friends with my female peers, dating seems to be natural for me. I've been dating different guys since I was 17, but it was me who dumped them (let them down gently) because I didn't feel sexually attracted to them or I saw warning signs that some may turn out to be possessive. I was only 24 when I first met my boyfriend (the man I'm with now) and it seemed so easy, so natural, for me. He's NT and isn't just with me to take advantage or anything.

Here we go again, another "X has is so much better than Y" argument that will soon be locked because no one on this forum ever learns.

It only gets locked if both genders disagree that they have it easier. If one gender admits they have it easier than the opposite then it's more civilised and worth discussing.

iv never struggled getting a date.i can just walk out the door and guys ask me out

im not saying that to be bigheaded or anything im just saying it how it is and that is how it is

These women have always thought the same.

It's been going on too long here. Far, far too long.

The evidence is overwhelming now, both anecdotal and professionally researched.

Don't worry, the thread will be locked now. It's a WP tradition to lock threads like this.

This topic was not intended as an X vs Y argument. It is genuinely intended as an open discussion about something that seems to be the case. Everybody is welcomed to express their insight. I really hope it won't be locked.