I don't want to exist anymore

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I reflected on my daily life and found that far too much of my life I spend earning for and consuming for the sake of sustaining my existence through time. In other words self-sustained existence.

I find no happiness in it. I don't want to just exist, then grow old. There has to be some purpose, some contribution that my existence has made. I do help my parents when I can. At times I thought about dedicating my life to them as I can find no other purpose for myself. But we can be absolutely certain that they don't want that.

Finding a companion, a partner, gave me purpose. I have lost that. Before I had doubts I could have this, now I'm once again in the same place. Maybe I can't have that.

I need to break this cycle. I don't want to exist anymore for my own sake.

Last edited by Cornflake on 18 Jan 2023, 12:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.: Fixed topic title

Also. Language fail in the title.

I don't to exist anymore either, and I love it.
I can do anything.
Or nothing.
And it's all the same.
Makes no difference.

It's my life's goal to walk invisible.

My purpose is to trudge
Plant potatoes
Make vodka
Sing and dance
Repeat

my life goal is not to make the same mistakes i made in previous lifetimes on earth and elsewhere. my life goal is to transcend incarnation altogether. still seems incredibly distant a goal. but i hope to be surprised in a pleasant way sooner than i can guess.

Last edited by auntblabby on 18 Jan 2023, 12:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

This is The Haven so I don't want to sound like we're making light of your feeling, RB.
I honestly think there's liberation in feeling like I don't exist.
Maybe it's Nihilism but scientists prove matter is all an illusion anyway.
The mortal world is full of obligation, shame, fear, and responsibility.
I'd much sooner be a speck of imagination or live only in my head.

IMHO the OP can find another suitable mate, he did it once which proved proof-of-concept.

I also honestly feel there's liberation in the mundane.
Funny, I've come a long way to arrive at this.
My life hasn't exactly been an easy one.
I think death makes you realise there's no point to striving
Or there's every point to striving.
The beauty is you don't need to.
You want purpose
You don't need it.

I basically don't exist for other people anymore, except some distant friends I have rare conversations with on the internet. But I find that comfortable. I don't want anyone to miss me when I die, no one who needs me, etc. Having a partner again would be very uncomfortable and threatening for me.

But that's not what your non-existence is about. I think it would help if you fill your life with solitary activites you enjoy. Find some special interests which you can alternate between every few months or so. And find people you can help or inspire.

How do you know what your previous mistakes were?

my knowledge of such is metaphysical/psychic in nature, i was shown in some unusually vivid dreams what a few of my past lifetimes were like, i was a thug in many of them, sometimes filthy rich, more often dirt-poor. my present life circumstances reflect this, i am not considered trustworthy by too many people.

I would like to know if I will live a life after my present life.

I’ve had very similar experiences concerning previous incarnations.

anybody who was not a saint likely will reincarnate. not saying you are not a saint.