Is it okay to just not have friends?

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That's pretty much the conclusion I've come to. It's okay if people find me weird (as long as they leave me alone) because the truth is that it would be too exhausting to maintain a relationship with them anyway even if they found me delightful.

The bottom line for me is that friends just aren't worth it. I don't have the energy. That may be because I'm fortunate enough to have a few family members I'm close to and try to keep up with: I don't see them as often as they'd like me to, but I do the best I can and struggle even with that. I certainly don't have the energy to add even more people to my life when the few I've got are hard enough to socialize with regularly.

Then again, it's possible I just have a very low drive to socialize at all. I enjoy the people I love, but I'm also genuinely content to be alone. I think I'd be happy as a hermit.

i've had to do stuff alone all my life. i've become accustomed to my own company. people on my wavelength are as rare as hen's teeth. still i think i found one here. hoping.

I definitely think something has gone wrong with the world and the human race.

When I was at school and university, even in my early 30s, I had friends and a good number of them. We'd go out together, have long phone calls, even send letters.

Then in my mid 30s I think the world changed...the internet's arrival perhaps? Friends drifted away and I haven't had any for a decade now.

That's what bothers me- I used to have friends and be fairly popular, but now I'm not. Have I changed? Or the world?

The same goes for my mother, she used to be really popular but now she isn't. Most people I meet online are lonely with no friends.

Something has gone wrong with society.

I remember during high school, a classmate messaged me on AIM to belittle me. One of his many taunts was "Who are you hanging out with right this second?" (He was insinuating I had no friends)

First of all, this was around 10:00 on a school night. I'm pretty sure the vast majority of high schoolers aren't hanging out with any friends at that time. Second of all, just like you, I'm content to be a hermit.

It could be that people in general were forced to put more effort into friendship pre-internet.

I think you are correct. The world has changed now, people just click for whatever they want. And friendship ain't like that, it takes time to develop.

Even online. When I joined WP there was a mass of people here. Now I'm just starting to recognise some people and like talking to them, but if they change their avatar, I'm lost again. Yes I know I just changed my avatar

For me, I think I would be happier if I had more friends. But I don't think you are bad if you don't have any, it just means you haven't met the right person yet.

Hope so I haven’t had friends since high school and thinking back not sure if they were even friends. No boyfriend or husband or kids either. People try to be my friend but I somehow always push them away not sure if it’s my mannerism or if I just have a bitchy personality. Biggest fear is once my parents die that’s it for me I literally have no one
but yeah I don’t click with other people even as a small child I remember standing in the corner while the other kids played I never understood other people or what they wanted. It’s like I’m doing something unconsciously to scare people off I just wish I knew what it was

Recently read a book about how the rise of extreme individualism since the mid-60s in some parts of the world has left people atomized, combine that with the longest working hours in history (pre-pandemic), western media contributing to general anxiety around strangers, longer commute times and the fact that different stages of life require different priorities and Bob's your uncle; even NTs report record high rates of loneliness.

I only have one friend. I'm 53 and just realised I am an Aspie - I did not know that the way I was, is Aspergers.
Everyone else I know is a work acquaintance. Not really a friend. I am used to being alone and like it as there is no social pressure. I do wish I had more friends though, but people don't tend to like me.

This is what I can't understand and what I think has gone wrong with the world.

When I was at school, university, and at work as a young woman, I had quite a lot of friends. I wasn't popular but I was well-liked and never struggled to make friends. I was regarded as a normal person, maybe a bit quirky but not weird.

Then when I got to about 40, friends started becoming scarce. My 40th birthday was the last big social event when I was surrounded by friends, feeling loved and supported. Now I'm 54 and I haven't had friends since the age of 40.

So something has changed in the world. I don't think it's me, I think the world has become more fast paced, more complicated, less friendly, more focused on working and fitting in rather than focused on making friends and communities.

Depends on the person! I think I require less social interaction than the average person. I went through 4 years of college without making friends, but I did socialize a little online (forums, games, etc).

I went through most of my life without friends. But now that I have a couple, I would never go back. I really enjoy spending time with them and having multiple perspectives of people to talk to. It does mean I have fewer hours on the weekend to do solo projects and activities but I think it is worth the trade (if I didn't I could just choose to not see anyone on a weekend).

I spent a lot of my time when I didn't have friends, on a forum and on messenger applications. As a teenager it was super fun and really fulfilling. As an adult, on a different site (as the one I was on as a teen shut down), I was always trying to recreate the fun I had as a teen but it never happened. I feel like I wasted quite a number of years there.

When I became a moderator, I saw from the inside how bad the people running it were, encouraging far right content, other moderators breaking the rules and the owner turning a blind eye, plagiarism, moderators and admins encouraging bullying of some members, all sorts of things. I called them out on it repeatedly trying to help them fix it (justice sensitivity and all) and their response was to kick me out It sucked that I had dedicated so many years of my life building relationships there for it to be gone in an instant like that.

But it was a year or two after that I started making actual friends and feeling way happier and more fulfilled than I ever did posting on that forum or chatting on Discord, so they did me a favour. I think the lack of online interactions gave me more drive to seek out in-person interactions. And interestingly in between my teenagerhood and adulthood in my early 20s, I had a lot of shallow friendships with people living in my college at university. Played board games, went to film group, had adventures in town and on campus, stayed up late laughing and chatting most nights. That was a period of time I didn't do anything forum or online messaging related.

I think online friends are a bit like lollies - if you have too many and spend too much time with them you forget your hunger and don't need to eat dinner. But then you are missing out on protein and fat and nutrition. Lollies are great in between meals but the meals are what make you feel full and satisfied. Some people might naturally have almost zero appetite and wouldn't want to ever eat a meal anyway, and for them an occasional lolly is perfectly satisfactory (maybe it's like they have an IV installed for their nutrition). But there are others who would benefit greatly from meals who are preventing themselves from being satisfied properly by spending so long with their lollies - they are much easier to eat than recipes and cooking.

When you are asking the question of whether it is ok to not have friends, you need to work out if you are the type with almost no appetite who is perfectly happy and fulfilled without real friends or if you would be happier if you did have friends. If the latter, you just have to wean yourself off online interactions and force yourself out into the world doing things, and just not care if some or many people don't like you. Eventually if you have loads of interactions you'll come across someone who likes you just as you are. If you have social anxiety and can't not care if you do something wrong, or have other anxieties that stop you going out and doing stuff, then it is worth trying to get it treated with a psychologist. It is hard to start with but worth the work.