Is it okay to just not have friends?

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I do not have friends either. The only close friend I had in the USAF moved to Alaska. She works a lot and is very busy so I rarely hear from her. I have nothing in common with NT women my age so it's hard to connect with anyone else. I wouldn't mind if they had different interests, but it's never mutual. So, I hang with my hubby (who is also on the spectrum) and my Chihuahua.

It's OK to not have friends.

Friends are not obligatory.
You can be a friendly and safe person without having any sort of bond or relationship with anyone and vice versa. Anyone can have a relationship that's purely transactional this way.

Friendships should not be a form of work or duty, even if relationships of any form needs work.
It's also not some glorified social thing like how romances are often portrayed as.

And do try explore and question your idea of what friendship looks like to you.

The only obligatory relationship you need to fix is not with other people due to human freewill, but with yourself.

But if you really want friends, find people who can understand and grow with you.
Understanding leads to many bonds that feelings and social obligation alone just wouldn't do.

And, good bonds, healthy connections and meaningful relationships are not necessarily all friendly and pleasant.


I myself never seek a friend. I don't put people in my own circle of loops and I don't insert myself into people's own other loops.
To me, that just comes and goes. It may return and may or may not resume how we left it, it may not return at all.

I don't do cliches and groups either.
Even if I became it's lead or even it's glue that puts it together at any moment, didn't mattered to me much in the end except as a memory.

But sure.
It helps to have a lot of allies, people to ask and talk to point in different directions and references, anyone to ask a favor with...

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There is a ton of research evidence from the field of psychology linked friendships and acquaintceships with being happier.

That does not mean you need a ton of friends, but social isolation is linked to depression.

Do you not have friends because you lack social skills or experienced rejection in the past?

What is that balance between being drained by friends and benefitting from social connections?

I don't think it's healthy to have no friends, but life in the 21st century seems to have worked out like this for most of us.

I think everyone needs a community, which we used to have in the 20th century. I remember I had my parents, my neighbours, their children and a wider community of acquaintances. There were lots of people I could turn to if I needed help. And people cared.

Having lived in my village for 23 years, I've never felt a sense of community or had group of people I can turn to.

Something has gone wrong with humans.

At least here in the United States, the above-discussed problem is older than the 21st century. When I googled "Fragile Friendship" recently, one of the top search results was a Washington Post article from way back on May 23, 1981: Friendships Are So Fragile.

However, during the past 41 years, it seems to me that the problem has gotten worse than what is described in the above-linked Washington Post article. There seems to be more of a tendency, in today's world, to regard friendships as disposable.

To FleaOfTheChill: It's good that you have an adequate situation in terms of family and services. Not all of us have this. For some of us, a friend group is a necessity.

r00tb33r wrote:
I have no hatred toward people, in fact I'm often sympathetic. Still, I fail to connect, and fail to find motivation to continue communicating. Either a lack of common interests, or lack of interest in the person.

^^^^ THIS ^^^^

Finding common ground often seems to be hard to find. ( common grounds can often be Uncommon).

Especially is they see you as a target of Opportunity.