This post has me thinking I should write more of this down - the way my father is.
I could write a book and make a movie out of it. People would watch it. I would have to do it after he dies, then I'd feel OK with sharing the details. Some other fun facts:
- He dressed up in womens clothes in private and read crossdressing porn. It didn't have pictures, it was these little 20-30 page stories he bought somewhere. This was the 1980s-1990s so it internet wasn't as big of a thing. Every night after work he'd go into his little side room and shut the door. We found his collection of butt plugs when we were younger. Of course, he hates LGBT people and goes on rants about it in public.
- I would call my dad an "incel" in today's terminology. Senior year of High School, I took physics and the teacher, Mrs Ormond, used to work with my father. On the first day of class, when she saw my last name she visibly looked shaken. She told me she used to work with my father. By this point in my life I had him more or less figured out and immediately imagined how awful it must have been to work with him, especially as a woman.
I told her "hey, I am sorry for that. I am not like my father." She seem immediately relieved. When I told my father that I had her as a teacher, the first thing he said was, "she quit and became a teacher because she was a crappy scientist."
- While he was racist as well, I would call him more "racist against the human race." I would say the only person he liked was himself, but I don't even think thats true. I think his ego created an alternate version of himself that he thought was the best in the world. He would constantly talk jealously about rich guys like Bill Gates and anyone that was more successful than him because it challenged his ego.
- Despite hiring an illegal immigrant to be our nanny for a few years, he wants all illegal immigrants kicked out.
- He thought Western women were too "materialistic" because basically they didn't want him. He thought Asian women were superior for reasons I don't understand.
He eventually remarried to a Chinese "mail order bride" in the 1990s. My younger brother was in 5th grade when it happened and I was in 8th grade. That is when I started to rebel. He metaphorically threw a dart on the map of China and brought home this strange woman that smelled awful and had weird habits to live with us. She spit every morning and it was disgusting (she did this for like 15 mins every morning and you could hear it throughout the house, it sounded like she was trying to cough her lungs out intentionally).
I started going through my dad's letters to his Chinese Pen pals before this and in the letters. I am not a snoop but I got some seriously red flags and I felt we needed to be prepared for what was coming. He was claiming to be a multimillionaire to them. I guess in a "net present value of expected future earnings" sense, it was true. But it wasn't at the time. Anyways, I also went through her letters and she was writing to a Chinese guy in Atlanta saying she was going to leave my dad after the required time for residency.
She bought a kids bike and rode it around town (!) because she didn't have a car for a while. She once drove by my younger brothers elementary school while they were doing some gym exercise and she waved at him while riding this kids bike and yelling "hello Jeremy!" Every kid says they are embarrassed of their parents, other people were embarrassed for us.
I presented the evidence to my father and he stayed with her for 3 more years before in fact, she finally left him to move to Atlanta. She was ugly as heck. I mean, I have never met a woman uglier. She smelled like horses ass too.
He remarried to another one several years later. She is nice but is a hoarder. So, one of the last times I visited, I showed up with a UHAUL and tried to fill it with junk to take to a dump. Halfway there, I get a call from my dad telling me to come back and unload it. This was like broken stuff that was piled up in the garage. It was piled up so much there was barely enough room for a car anymore and you had to crawl over it to get to things.
The house is so piled up with junk that in the room he used to read porn in, there is very little room left to do anything. She's got junk piled up there she bought at yard sales and stuff like that.
I expect the final "F you" will be when he dies and we have to go over there and clear out a junked house and what inheritance there is ends up with her going back China. She hasn't adjusted at all to the US and while she is nice I definitely get the feeling she sees us all as spoiled rich brats.
- My father was a major mommas boy until she died in about 15 years ago. Their relationship was so strong that his other siblings distanced themselves from both. His mother was kindof an awful person at times but could be nice. They lived across the street from my mother's parents (how my dad met my mom - he was there at the right time in her life after she left a convent and didn't know what to do).
My dad's mother trash talked them all the time and they did not talk to each other. It was like the Berlin wall between these two houses that were literally across the street from each other. Anytime we visited each grandparent would refer to the other as "across the street."
Before my dad's mother died, she seemed to apologize to me in a phone call about a lot of things. She was the one that encouraged him to get an illegal immigrant to take care of us and she was the one that encouraged him to get a Chinese bride. I think she also was realizing my father was nuttier than she expected. She died a few weeks later unexpectedly.
While she was mean, she cared for my aunt who had a serious disability (Rett's Syndrome, requires lifelong care). So, I give her more of a pass.
- What really soured my relationship with my father is the 2nd Gulf War. I opposed it and my father can't take political disagreement. His method of arguing with people is to call them stupid. Its childish. So, I became more democrat leaning over my 20s and behind my back he was trashing me to my brothers. He started calling me an "Ivory Tower intellectual" despite the fact that my degree comes from that Ivory Tower powerhouse of Univ of Alabama. His degree is from Notre Dame.
The three "toxic males" on that side of the family were my father, my uncle, and my cousin. When my cousin found out I opposed the 2nd Gulf war, he said to me on a phone call that "In a proper country, people like you would be dealt with." All three of them dealt with disagreement by going to personal insults.
My cousin is a cop now by the way. My uncle is a semi known author of pop history books. He's not top tier level, but if you put my last name (won't say it) into Amazon you get his books. Its these little war books with an illustrator drawing pictures. My uncle is a royal a hole as well and nutty, but I am pretty sure he is potty trained.
21 Jan 2023, 9:45 am
