Would I be happier having done something society expects ?

Post Reply New Topic

Sorry my question couldn't fit completely in the box. I mean ''Would I be happier having done something because society expect it of me?'' I know I've probably bragged before about worries and things being around other people the same age as me or a bit younger (such as my sister) having their first child, getting married, etc except me and thinking that their lives are passing me by and I am making my own self feel bad because I find myself not doing things our society ''normally'' expects of people.

What I mean is, is that society today probably expects someone in their mid 20s, late 20s and early 30s to be settling down, getting married and having children. My sister and her partner had their son at 26 and 29, and at the time, me at 30 still had no partner and wasn't making any of those decisions. It was and still feels quite daunting that my sister is now herself a mother and a home-owner. Personally I am always finding it hard to think about these things if I had a partner and I sort of feel like I wouldn't cope very well with my own child. I seem to think it looks like hard work seeing my sister running around her son when he is running around, screaming and playing as pre-school kids do. I know also that my sister never originally planned for a child and like everyone it was an accident but she is a mother now.

I don't know if I'd be happier if I had things forced upon me a bit somethings I've seen on TV shows such as Married at First Sight where a long-term singleton marries another long-term singleton when they don't know each other very well.
To some people it has been successful but for some people it didn't work for them at all.

Always doing things because others expect you do them is a ticket to being unhappy. What you see on TV is not real or typical. They are fantasy and atypical for entertainment purposes. So what you see on TV or in the movies are often the last thing you want to imitate.

Most people do have to do things they do not like in order to pay for rent, food etc because starving and being homeless is a lot worse then the things they dislike about their jobs.

Anything you see on TV that presents an idyllic lifestyle is complete BS. I think they are just trying to ginger you up to be more receptive to the ad breaks… which always seem to be targeted at the typical demographic watching that programme. It’s all a lie.

I’m not trying to be unduly pessimistic, but I’ve always been much happier ignoring that crap. I had two disastrous marriages when I was younger. I’ve never done the “normal” things and I didn’t get anywhere near “settling down” until my mid-forties… and to be honest, that sort of crept up on me when I wasn’t looking. I even had married people telling me they envied my idependent and unusual lifestyle.

Just be yourself.

As long as you're not harming anybody, and you're not starving......why not pursue what you want to pursue?

I would wager that a civil service job might be to your liking. I don't know how it works in the UK-----but, in the US, you take a test, get put on the "list," and wait till you're called.

Please do not have children just because "society " expects you to.

There are already way too many unwanted children

Children take time cash and energy

Once you have children you can't change your mind. Short of adoption.

Unless you have the time, cash, energy, and temperament to have children, please don't have children

There are plenty of methods that you could attempt to improve yourself. For example, goals, job, hobbies

Learn programming, sewing, knitting, cooking, carpentry, math, sports, foreign language, volunteer, college, clean your house, fix your house,

Don't know about you, but I would certainly be unhappier if I had done what society expects. I can't live their lives without getting severely sick.

Well

I answer your question with a no.

Don't do what society expects, as long as it aligns with your own, unique morals.

But maybe you're like me, and your own feelings stem from a place of unhappiness you aren't aware about.

Always know, if you are unhappy, there is room for growth and change. Maybe this is what you're seeking. It's possible to seek growth and change, to want it psychologically and not know this is actually what you're after. It can be covered up, in seemingly vines of emotions, problems, or even confidence.

If you're asking people, should I have kids you're probably at odds with yourself, thinking, should I have kids in which case, no, because you should be sure of it. Like, becoming trans, for example. If you feel unprepared to handle children (my nephew's, I'm so awkward around them. Surely, I wouldn't set a good example) than it's probably true lol.

Anyways, about your family, passing you by, you know, I've often felt this way, in a different sense and the same. But I talked to them and they've told me, "don't worry about us, we are fine" and they've always reassured me directly. It's good support.

And don't take advice from T.V.

Philosophically or otherwise.

Even that show Atypical.

There lives are like, fake. Reality isn't like that.

Oh, and I'm Christian.
God helps with everything, and works mysteriously. He always helps me recognize the ways He works in my life..

Yeah, as far as having stuff 'forced on you' I don't think anything is directly forced on us. I think it's just His will.

Have you ever had a partner?

If society expects you to have a partner, and you in fact get a partner, you might well be happier than you are today, with no partner.

And if society expects you to have children, and you in fact have children, you might well be happier than you are today, with no partner and no children.

>Would I be happier having done something society expects ?

In a nutshell, no, it's pretty unlikely. Those expectations are laid down because they're profitable in some way for some group (who isn't you). People are told to want them and expect them in others. But simply walking those paths will not make you happy.

If you want to have children, do that. If you want to travel the world, do that. If you want to live in a bisexual menage a trois, do that. If you want dress like Louis XIV and open a wombat farm, do that. Worrying unnecessarily about what "society" expects is a huge waste of energy and a guaranteed path to unhappiness.

No, I got married and had children, I appear totally normal from the outside. But I'm just as lonely, friendless, excluded as anyone. I think because I'm 'a weirdo', the disconnect between my outward appearance as 'a married mother living in a semi-detached house in a nice village' and my 'weird personality' is far more stark than if I didn't appear so conventional. I don't fit into the nice, neat box I'm suppose to fit into so people avoid me like the plague.

Please be yourself. The world is a better place for it. Your unique talents, abilities, point of view, skills, etc add to the world. They make it a richer place. Please don't deny us that.

When you are untrue to your nature you will always fail, you will always be unhappy. March to the beat of your drum and succeed beyond your wildest dreams.

Supporting you in Solidarity.

If you feel like you wouldn't cope well with your own child and you think watching your sister is hard work, then I don't think you'd be happier with a child. If you feel a strong desire to have children because you think you would love having them, then you might be happier with a child.

The same goes for having a partner. If you have a strong desire for one, you might be happier with one. If you feel like you don't care either way and you're only thinking of getting one because you think it's a normal thing to do, then you shouldn't bother getting one. Most relationships end in heartbreak, unhappiness and despair.

I have watched Married at First Sight and wished I could go on the show and be forced into a marriage. However, that's because I want a partner but don't want to have to go through the hard bits of finding one. Unfortunately, I don't think any of the relationships from the show have worked out long term. I think a lot of it is also staged and unreal and for purposes of TV only.

Deleted

Maybe he just reads the responses. I do that sometimes but I've learned to at least acknowledge people sometimes