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Attacked my friends

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RattyBoBatty
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20 Jan 2023, 8:46 pm

Due to a combination of mania and meltdown, I attacked my friends and insulted them badly in a long tirade, one friend especially bad. They had not done anything to deserve it. I messaged my doctor about my problems, but they want me to call them. I slept all day today and missed the phone call. Furthermore, I have anxiety about talking especially on the phone. Since this meltdown, I've had nonstop panic attacks. Im not sure how badly i ruined these relationships. Writing about it calms me down. I don't really want to exist anymore. Anyone else do something like this? Were you able to fix it?



funeralxempire
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20 Jan 2023, 9:03 pm

I've done things like this.
No, I wasn't able to fix it.
Life went on.

The crash and extreme dysphoria afterwards are pretty typical. Don't act on not wanting to exist right now, if you really don't want to exist you'll still feel that way when you're not manic and dysphoric. It's not a sound state for long-term decisions.


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Mona Pereth
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20 Jan 2023, 9:18 pm

RattyBoBatty wrote:
Due to a combination of mania and meltdown, I attacked my friends and insulted them badly in a long tirade, one friend especially bad. They had not done anything to deserve it. I messaged my doctor about my problems, but they want me to call them. I slept all day today and missed the phone call. Furthermore, I have anxiety about talking especially on the phone. Since this meltdown, I've had nonstop panic attacks. Im not sure how badly i ruined these relationships.

There's certainly no guarantee that you can repair these friendships, but you can try. I would suggest writing detailed apologies by email, explaining (1) what happened and why, (2) why you don't actually believe the specific hurtful things you said, and (3) explaining what specific steps you plan to take to avoid having something similar happen again.

Were these people already aware of your mental health issues?


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RattyBoBatty
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20 Jan 2023, 9:23 pm

I like your pfp and I like this site and the smilies as it all makes me nostalgic:heart:. I don't know, I want to check myself into a mental hospital or something. Ive been very crazy recently and getting worse, but none of it seemed all that crazy to me until the incident... very bad ice water in the face awakening, I wish I had it before i hurt people



RattyBoBatty
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20 Jan 2023, 9:24 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
RattyBoBatty wrote:
Due to a combination of mania and meltdown, I attacked my friends and insulted them badly in a long tirade, one friend especially bad. They had not done anything to deserve it. I messaged my doctor about my problems, but they want me to call them. I slept all day today and missed the phone call. Furthermore, I have anxiety about talking especially on the phone. Since this meltdown, I've had nonstop panic attacks. Im not sure how badly i ruined these relationships.

There's certainly no guarantee that you can repair these friendships, but you can try. I would suggest writing detailed apologies by email, explaining (1) what happened and why, (2) why you don't actually believe the specific hurtful things you said, and (3) explaining what specific steps you plan to take to avoid having something similar happen again.

Were these people already aware of your mental health issues?


Yes, they were messaging me saying I was acting deranged and were concerned, but I thought they were bullying me and lashed out.



cyberdad
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20 Jan 2023, 9:36 pm

fairweather friends attack



RattyBoBatty
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20 Jan 2023, 9:43 pm

cyberdad wrote:
fairweather friends attack


I don't know. I have narcissistic qualities and have trouble remembering to ask about how they are doing. I do deeply care about them and what they are up to. But don't display it at all good. I hope not to be a fairweather friend



funeralxempire
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20 Jan 2023, 10:25 pm

RattyBoBatty wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
RattyBoBatty wrote:
Due to a combination of mania and meltdown, I attacked my friends and insulted them badly in a long tirade, one friend especially bad. They had not done anything to deserve it. I messaged my doctor about my problems, but they want me to call them. I slept all day today and missed the phone call. Furthermore, I have anxiety about talking especially on the phone. Since this meltdown, I've had nonstop panic attacks. Im not sure how badly i ruined these relationships.

There's certainly no guarantee that you can repair these friendships, but you can try. I would suggest writing detailed apologies by email, explaining (1) what happened and why, (2) why you don't actually believe the specific hurtful things you said, and (3) explaining what specific steps you plan to take to avoid having something similar happen again.

Were these people already aware of your mental health issues?


Yes, they were messaging me saying I was acting deranged and were concerned, but I thought they were bullying me and lashed out.


When you're manic it's easy enough to misinterpret things and then view actions through that lens. It will make genuine help feel like attempts at gaslighting.


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Mona Pereth
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21 Jan 2023, 1:32 am

RattyBoBatty wrote:
Yes, they were messaging me saying I was acting deranged and were concerned, but I thought they were bullying me and lashed out.

In your written apology, I would suggest including a statement that they were right to be concerned about your mental health, and that the way you responded proved their concerns to be correct. I think validating their concerns might help to some extent.


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RattyBoBatty
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30 Jan 2023, 3:18 pm

Update: i think it is going to be alright. My friend said he still considered me a friend



shortfatbalduglyman
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30 Jan 2023, 8:44 pm

What did you do and say to them?



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01 Feb 2023, 1:59 pm

I have never had a panic attack but I do have anxiety, however, I have had meltdowns, outbursts, and other situations where I have blown up at people. For me, it usually stems from me usually feeling blown off or provoked.

For instance, I got caught at a fair gate at a train station one time while I was out with some friends and I happened to feel angry and resentful toward one of these friends and one other person who treated me badly one month earlier.

Anyway, when I got out of the gate, the attendant came up and basically criticized me for not watching where I was going. At that point, I'd had it and had an outburst in which I told her to shut up. "You shut up," she answered back I spit at her for talking back to me and not giving me space. Well, she grabbed me and pushed me up against a wall. "Do not ever spit at me."

Meanwhile, one of my friends tried to tell her that I have autism but she kicked us out and accused us of using an excuse. I ended up having to call the police who told me that what did could have counted as assault.