How To Get A Girlfriend If You're An Autistic Man

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IsabellaLinton
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26 Jan 2023, 12:05 pm

No, if I have a bias at all it’s that I want guys to be happy and find partners. I’ve heard many say they went to gyms, spent a fair amount of money and time, and it didn’t work. I’m just trying to help guys realize a) gym bodies aren’t that important in the grand scheme of things to most potential partners and b ) there’s more chance of attracting and meeting someone out in “the real world” for lack of a better term, by being active in whatever way you can in your own community even if that means walking to the store for milk instead of driving. People notice others who seem active and able (e.g., cutting their grass, fixing their fence), plus it would give people a few extra bucks in their pocket if they do meet someone.

WAI works out at home afaik and seems to agree it’s cheaper and just as effective.

Personally I wouldn’t go to gyms because of agoraphobia but I’m not trying to push that bias on anyone. I just don’t want men with agoraphobia, limited funds, or a lack of proximity to gyms to feel they can never exercise or measure up to gym boys.



The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Jan 2023, 12:10 pm

Anyone who can afford a pc or a mobile, can afford a gym membership. Do you see me living in a wealthy country?

And being ago-whatever is certainly a very rare condition.

Plus going to gym doesn’t mean one can’t do house/garden works :-/



Where_am_I
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26 Jan 2023, 12:12 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
No, if I have a bias at all it’s that I want guys to be happy and find partners. I’ve heard many say they went to gyms, spent a fair amount of money and time, and it didn’t work. I’m just trying to help guys realize a) gym bodies aren’t that important in the grand scheme of things to most potential partners and b ) there’s more chance of attracting and meeting someone out in “the real world” for lack of a better term, by being active in whatever way you can in your own community even if that means walking to the store for milk instead of driving. People notice others who seem active and able (e.g., cutting their grass, fixing their fence), plus it would give people a few extra bucks in their pocket if they do meet someone.

WAI works out at home afaik and seems to agree it’s cheaper and just as effective.

Personally I wouldn’t go to gyms because of agoraphobia but I’m not trying to push that bias on anyone. I just don’t want men with agoraphobia, limited funds, or a lack of proximity to gyms to feel they can never exercise or measure up to gym boys.

^ There you go, Face_of_Boo, Issy can't be anymore clearer than that.

No way has Issy implied “Gym is for narcissistic buff losers who flex on mirrors, while nature sports are for interesting people” anywhere in their posts.


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Where_am_I
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26 Jan 2023, 12:13 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Anyone who can afford a pc or a mobile, can afford a gym membership. Do you see me living in a wealthy country?

And being ago-whatever is certainly a very rare condition.

Plus going to gym doesn’t mean one can’t do house/garden works :-/

You don't seem to be understanding what Issy is saying. They can't be any more straightforward than they already are.

Agoraphobia isn't that rare.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Jan 2023, 12:26 pm

Where_am_I wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
No, if I have a bias at all it’s that I want guys to be happy and find partners. I’ve heard many say they went to gyms, spent a fair amount of money and time, and it didn’t work. I’m just trying to help guys realize a) gym bodies aren’t that important in the grand scheme of things to most potential partners and b ) there’s more chance of attracting and meeting someone out in “the real world” for lack of a better term, by being active in whatever way you can in your own community even if that means walking to the store for milk instead of driving. People notice others who seem active and able (e.g., cutting their grass, fixing their fence), plus it would give people a few extra bucks in their pocket if they do meet someone.

WAI works out at home afaik and seems to agree it’s cheaper and just as effective.

Personally I wouldn’t go to gyms because of agoraphobia but I’m not trying to push that bias on anyone. I just don’t want men with agoraphobia, limited funds, or a lack of proximity to gyms to feel they can never exercise or measure up to gym boys.

^ There you go, Face_of_Boo, Issy can't be anymore clearer than that.

No way has Issy implied “Gym is for narcissistic buff losers who flex on mirrors, while nature sports are for interesting people” anywhere in their posts.


IsabellaLinton wrote:
I prefer men who get fit by doing physical work like chopping wood, hiking, walking dogs, playing hockey, building homes, volunteering with Red Cross etc instead of going to a gym to stare at themselves in a mirror while riding a fake bike beside a bunch of other men.

I’m not going to stop sharing my opinion just like you don’t need to stop sharing yours.

I didn’t say men can’t ever go to the gym, regardless. Just that it’s not the only thing we care about whether some of you believe it or not.



That was posted way back in this thread.

Btw, there are way more women in the bike classes than men.



Where_am_I
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26 Jan 2023, 12:43 pm

^ Ok, I can see why you would take offence to that.

But I don't feel Issy was being mean or anything.

Staring in the mirror when working out is pretty common. It helps keep a check on one's form when lifting weights. Something I used to do at home.

Edit: before I began lifting weights, I used to think the staring in the mirror thing was narcissism.


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Last edited by Where_am_I on 26 Jan 2023, 12:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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26 Jan 2023, 12:45 pm

I prefer people who go to the gym and work out is a manner than has an effect on their looks. I think people spend too long doing the wrong types of exercise for their bodies.

I see loads of people spending a lot of time doing cardio or low intensity exercise when if they opt for muscle gain and toning then they would probably look twice as good with half the amount of time.

If I was to do cardio or low intensity exersise it would be outdoors but honestly, eating less is a better substitute for low intensity exercise especially.

All sorts go to gyms these days but it'll be nice to see more go to the gym giving themelves a genuine challenge that'll show on their looks.

It took me only a couple of months to see a difference in the mirror doing workouts just 30 mins a day by dodging my previous walking for an hour a day.



IsabellaLinton
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26 Jan 2023, 12:52 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Where_am_I wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
No, if I have a bias at all it’s that I want guys to be happy and find partners. I’ve heard many say they went to gyms, spent a fair amount of money and time, and it didn’t work. I’m just trying to help guys realize a) gym bodies aren’t that important in the grand scheme of things to most potential partners and b ) there’s more chance of attracting and meeting someone out in “the real world” for lack of a better term, by being active in whatever way you can in your own community even if that means walking to the store for milk instead of driving. People notice others who seem active and able (e.g., cutting their grass, fixing their fence), plus it would give people a few extra bucks in their pocket if they do meet someone.

WAI works out at home afaik and seems to agree it’s cheaper and just as effective.

Personally I wouldn’t go to gyms because of agoraphobia but I’m not trying to push that bias on anyone. I just don’t want men with agoraphobia, limited funds, or a lack of proximity to gyms to feel they can never exercise or measure up to gym boys.

^ There you go, Face_of_Boo, Issy can't be anymore clearer than that.

No way has Issy implied “Gym is for narcissistic buff losers who flex on mirrors, while nature sports are for interesting people” anywhere in their posts.


IsabellaLinton wrote:
I prefer men who get fit by doing physical work like chopping wood, hiking, walking dogs, playing hockey, building homes, volunteering with Red Cross etc instead of going to a gym to stare at themselves in a mirror while riding a fake bike beside a bunch of other men.

I’m not going to stop sharing my opinion just like you don’t need to stop sharing yours.

I didn’t say men can’t ever go to the gym, regardless. Just that it’s not the only thing we care about whether some of you believe it or not.



That was posted way back in this thread.

Btw, there are way more women in the bike classes than men.



That’s how I feel about gyms for myself because I wouldn’t want to stare at mirrors with myself and other women/ people, due to Agoraphobia and Scopophobia. I know gyms aren’t all like that and I didn’t mean to imply men who go are vain (or agoraphobic :P).

I just think time is better spent doing things that are productive like two birds one stone (fixing your house, going out hiking to see new places), instead of staying in the same indoor gym where it seems most men aren’t meeting partners anyway.

Sorry if you took it as being critical.

I just don’t want men thinking they have to go to gyms if that’s not their vibe, or that women will only like them if they have gym bodies. I like a bit of tummy myself 8). I like hands even more than biceps.

:D



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26 Jan 2023, 5:42 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I did 3 marathons while married.

Impressive! I only did 2 before I was married. Philadelphia was one of them.



ironpony
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26 Jan 2023, 7:32 pm

Well as far as suggesting to autistic guys to go for autistic women, is that unreasonable advice, since there maybe not enough autistic women to go around?



funeralxempire
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26 Jan 2023, 7:48 pm

ironpony wrote:
Well as far as suggesting to autistic guys to go for autistic women, is that unreasonable advice, since there maybe not enough autistic women to go around?


Only if it's understood as exclusively go for autistic women.
If it's understood as don't rule out autistic women it's perfectly reasonable.


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ironpony
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26 Jan 2023, 7:50 pm

Maybe not exclusively but it's probably better to search them out more such as on autistic dating sites for example? They should have autism bars for this sort thing :).



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26 Jan 2023, 7:52 pm

ironpony wrote:
Maybe not exclusively but it's probably better to search them out more such as on autistic dating sites for example? They should have autism bars for this sort thing :).


Definitely. Given how ASD tends to impair social abilities, and bad experiences often compound that, anything that can encourage autistics to meet and interact with each other is probably a positive.


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IsabellaLinton
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26 Jan 2023, 7:54 pm

No one wants to be searched out according to their neurotype just to increase the other person's odds ... but, it's natural to some extent that neurodivergent people would be interested in getting to know other neurodivergent people.

Then, take it from there if the personalities click. That shouldn't be all they have in common of course, but it's a start.



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26 Jan 2023, 7:55 pm

Yeah. Do you think the reason why a lot of autistic people probably don't concentrate so much on getting an autistic mate is because they are not as many outthere, and they just think they will explore where the higher numbers are?



IsabellaLinton
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26 Jan 2023, 8:09 pm

I really don't know. I think most people don't even know they themselves are autistic until long after they've started dating. Many people aren't diagnosed until middle age or even later, especially the women but men too. Once people start dating they tend to repeat the patterns of looking for similar types of people as their previous dates, even if that's subconscious. In my case I look back at my dating life: I only dated three men ever, prior to my current partner. I can pretty much guarantee they were all neurodivergent in one way or another.

The first one (my exhusband) has a lot of signs of Aspergers but at the same time he's been diagnosed NPD. Those don't usually co-occur. It's hard to say his spectrum status but he's definitely not neurotypical in how he thinks. Not your average bear at all.

Second one -- Again signs of Aspergers and Neurodivergence but not diagnosed.

Third one -- Very definite signs of ASD and ADHD. I'd bet my life on it with him.

My point is that even though I didn't know I was autistic, I was drawn to and dating people who were most likely neurodiverse in some way as well. It just happened without me knowing. I wasn't seeking out "Autistic" partners but more conventionally typical men never appealed to me in the slightest.

I bet most of us will look back at our dating history and find we were attracted or attached to others who had signs of social-emotional dysfunction or neurodiversity. It's not like we need to seek them on a special dating site but if someone thinks that's an easier way to find like-minded people then it's a good idea. I never used dating sites so maybe it was easier for me to find ND partners by radar instead of swiping left / right on random photos and hoping for a good match, the way many people do today.