How To Get A Girlfriend If You're An Autistic Man

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Aspierornot
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31 Jan 2023, 5:37 am

I love how some boring woman complains about boring men.Lots of men are not boring you just dont know them well.



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31 Jan 2023, 5:39 am

Aspierornot wrote:
I love how some boring woman complains about boring men.Lots of men are not boring you just dont know them well.

Dude, what are you on about?

I sense a troll.


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31 Jan 2023, 6:13 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
What is “SM” account?

Social Media.


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kraftiekortie
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31 Jan 2023, 7:15 am

I’m a pretty boring guy to some women.

That doesn’t matter to me, though….unless I’m boring to myself.

I could have really gone far with a model-type woman who is a musical prodigy….but she found me too boring because I didn’t like to party.

Still, I didn’t become a partier just to “keep” her. I stuck to the ways I was satisfied with.

She threw me out into the street because I was boring. I would have been homeless had I not had a good friend at that time.



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31 Jan 2023, 8:28 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
magz wrote:
Nades wrote:
Well you need to look more into what an autism diagnosis entails.

I thought you dislike the approach of "I am disabled, so I will just sit and do nothing about my life" quite strongly?

To be clear: I don't find the advice "to hit the gym" wrong, especially if it resulted in improving one's general health.
But one can't form a healthy relationship if they completely neglect building social skills. 1:1 social skills tend to be easier to autistics than big group social skills.


One does not negate the other, also you are acting as if gym consumes an entire day of the 24 hours. Workout should not make take more than one hour, and I don't think it should be more than 3 days a week. More than that it's excessive. I notice some members spend more time than that (they were there before I come and remain after I leave), but due to their socialization habits (ie. chitchat with other members, taking coffee in cafteria ...etc), which for autistic may be a good practice too, no?

I noticed there's a woman there who spends WAY too much time there (she's always there whenever I go, which can't be coincidence lol, ie if I go 4pm to 5pm, she's there, if I go to 5 to 6pm she's there too, even if I go anytime between 7 and 8pm she's there also ...*always* lol) but she's obviously hitting on the trainer, she chases him and literraly follows him wherever he goes even in their offices, so it's very obvious what's going on with her ;).


My workouts take about 30 minutes a day and have made a huge difference in how I look. I've only been working out solidly for 5 months too.

I gained over a stone of muscle because I was so skinny to begin with. The lighter (or heavier) you are the quicker you'll notice changes. It also makes people feel better and more confident if their bodies were effecting them before. It also gives them something to talk about in social situations.



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31 Jan 2023, 10:32 am

Aspierornot wrote:
I love how some boring woman complains about boring men.Lots of men are not boring you just dont know them well.


I love being boring, and expect nothing more from a partner.



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31 Jan 2023, 11:50 am

uncommondenominator wrote:
That means you can't try? You won't know how far you can improve unless you do it. But why go to all that work when you can just make another excuse.

Besides, I'm not sure that's as true as you'd like it to be, as a defense. But again, it makes a handy excuse.

I think it's good to determine, as exactly as possible, what one's actual neurological limiting factors are regarding the development of social skills.

For example, many of us have attention issues of a kind that that makes us worse at multi-tasking than most people are. This intrinsically limits the kinds of group social activities we can participate in well.

On the other hand, most of us can improve at one-on-one conversation, even if we will never be able to handle group chitchat very well. Also, as for group activity, many of us can become much better at structured group activity, e.g. games, than random group chitchat.


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31 Jan 2023, 1:56 pm

I used to like playing team games like football, even though I sucked at them.

I was glad I didn’t have to interact with the other players….except when it was pertinent to the game itself.

Talking sports was good because I didn’t have to talk about “feelings.”



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31 Jan 2023, 2:01 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Aspierornot wrote:
I love how some boring woman complains about boring men.Lots of men are not boring you just dont know them well.


I love being boring, and expect nothing more from a partner.


Yeh! Sometimes we need to rediscover the art of doing nothing.

Sometimes I sits and thinks, sometimes I just sits.

Nice view out of the window here, though, easy to go into stand-by mode.


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Highlander852456
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31 Jan 2023, 5:50 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Highlander852456 wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Every time men say "get a girlfriend" I picture them fishing with a pole, just waiting for the catch-of-the-day.
It's as if women are an acquisition they can pick up at the seaside, or perhaps in Walmart Aisle 4.
Maybe those claw game machines have a good selection too.


But females also need a boyfriend. :D Why can't they do the hunting.
Why can't they work on humor and personality.
Hey its not like males are the only that want sex and relationships and marriage. :jester:
Why can't I be entertained.



STEREOTYPE ALERT:

Most women do work on their humour and personality even if it's subconscious.
We're hardwired to copy other women in terms of how we act (what's cool, what's funny etc.)
Women spend more time in therapy if needed (trying to understand or refine their personality)
Women spend more time around children and seniors (a range of role models)
Women usually like romantic comedies and funny TV shows / movies rather than war movies
Women also learn about teaching, helping, nursing, caring, etc more than men

Massive generalisations but, generally true. ^


As for hunting:
You don't think women are hunting for partners?
Have you seen how much work women put into their SM accounts, their appearance, and their social lives?


Yeah females pull their weight too in dating I am sure of that.
It was a post made partly in Jest, but your earlier response made sense.

I think I need to clarify few things.
First of all, advice for dating is hard to give as there is no one way about it.
People do whatever the heck happens in real life and that can take many variations if not infinite.

For me social skills are not a problem, but they also are.

Here is the list of problems.... and no I don't need advice now, but to support why Nades is right ...
- I cannot keep conversations going or keep paying attention.
- I certainly have my way of talking and understanding so many types of people are hard to communicate with no matter how hard I try.
- I often don't get stuff. Pretty sure that happens alot normally, but misreading things is normal for me.
- I might keep interesting things to me, without knowing they are interesting to the other person.
- I might talk about things people don't really care about without realizing it.
- I often find social situations boring and I check out.
- Or stressful.
- My social battery dies a lot.
- When I was kid this did not happen so much
- Too old to care
- Writing is easy, but I am pretty sure what I write about online is not my personality.
- I like the idea of socializing sometimes, but when I am there I mostly don't enjoy it.
- If I get stressed out socially I am literally no good at anything, but breathing.
- I doubt I ever socialized in a way that I find desirable.
-Socializing is a chore, much like cleaning the toilette or washing your hair.
-Even when all things are going good, eventually I get grumpy, even subconsciously, and that is not good.
-The few times I socialized, and enjoyed it to extent I have mixed feelings about.
- At age I am, I think checking out from social world permanently is pretty sweet deal.
- Warning I may or may not be autistic, but there are other conditions.



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31 Jan 2023, 6:57 pm

Bataar wrote:
A key thing and the part that I struggle with most is putting yourself in a position where single females would be. No matter what I do or where I go, only other guys show up. Occasionally some will bring their girlfriends, but that's it.

What kinds of places and activities have you been going to?

I would suggest exploring recreational activities that attract both women and men, but primarily women. (Possible example: dance lessons?) Do some Internet research to find out what kinds of activities those might be, in your area. (Have you explored Meetup.com, for example?)

Try to find an activity that you yourself can actually enjoy for its own sake, not just as a possible way of meeting women. If you don't enjoy an activity, then you can't experience genuine companionship around that activity, either.

Perhaps it might be necessary for you to move to a larger metropolitan area. Would that be feasible?


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Nades
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01 Feb 2023, 3:28 am

Highlander852456 wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Highlander852456 wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Every time men say "get a girlfriend" I picture them fishing with a pole, just waiting for the catch-of-the-day.
It's as if women are an acquisition they can pick up at the seaside, or perhaps in Walmart Aisle 4.
Maybe those claw game machines have a good selection too.


But females also need a boyfriend. :D Why can't they do the hunting.
Why can't they work on humor and personality.
Hey its not like males are the only that want sex and relationships and marriage. :jester:
Why can't I be entertained.



STEREOTYPE ALERT:

Most women do work on their humour and personality even if it's subconscious.
We're hardwired to copy other women in terms of how we act (what's cool, what's funny etc.)
Women spend more time in therapy if needed (trying to understand or refine their personality)
Women spend more time around children and seniors (a range of role models)
Women usually like romantic comedies and funny TV shows / movies rather than war movies
Women also learn about teaching, helping, nursing, caring, etc more than men

Massive generalisations but, generally true. ^


As for hunting:
You don't think women are hunting for partners?
Have you seen how much work women put into their SM accounts, their appearance, and their social lives?


Yeah females pull their weight too in dating I am sure of that.
It was a post made partly in Jest, but your earlier response made sense.

I think I need to clarify few things.
First of all, advice for dating is hard to give as there is no one way about it.
People do whatever the heck happens in real life and that can take many variations if not infinite.

For me social skills are not a problem, but they also are.

Here is the list of problems.... and no I don't need advice now, but to support why Nades is right ...
- I cannot keep conversations going or keep paying attention.
- I certainly have my way of talking and understanding so many types of people are hard to communicate with no matter how hard I try.
- I often don't get stuff. Pretty sure that happens alot normally, but misreading things is normal for me.
- I might keep interesting things to me, without knowing they are interesting to the other person.
- I might talk about things people don't really care about without realizing it.
- I often find social situations boring and I check out.
- Or stressful.
- My social battery dies a lot.
- When I was kid this did not happen so much
- Too old to care
- Writing is easy, but I am pretty sure what I write about online is not my personality.
- I like the idea of socializing sometimes, but when I am there I mostly don't enjoy it.
- If I get stressed out socially I am literally no good at anything, but breathing.
- I doubt I ever socialized in a way that I find desirable.
-Socializing is a chore, much like cleaning the toilette or washing your hair.
-Even when all things are going good, eventually I get grumpy, even subconsciously, and that is not good.
-The few times I socialized, and enjoyed it to extent I have mixed feelings about.
- At age I am, I think checking out from social world permanently is pretty sweet deal.
- Warning I may or may not be autistic, but there are other conditions.


What are other areas of your life like? Stable employment, ability to drive if needed? Clearly visible good health?



Nades
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01 Feb 2023, 4:43 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
uncommondenominator wrote:
That means you can't try? You won't know how far you can improve unless you do it. But why go to all that work when you can just make another excuse.

Besides, I'm not sure that's as true as you'd like it to be, as a defense. But again, it makes a handy excuse.

I think it's good to determine, as exactly as possible, what one's actual neurological limiting factors are regarding the development of social skills.

For example, many of us have attention issues of a kind that that makes us worse at multi-tasking than most people are. This intrinsically limits the kinds of group social activities we can participate in well.

On the other hand, most of us can improve at one-on-one conversation, even if we will never be able to handle group chitchat very well. Also, as for group activity, many of us can become much better at structured group activity, e.g. games, than random group chitchat.


Personally, I think all autistics are limited with their social skills, it's not to say that other aspects of their life can't be improved on.

Someone can be as funny and entertaining as they like, but if they neglected other areas of their life and they're obese and unemployed, that'll be a serious downer working against those great socials skills. Men and women always look at the whole picture and men and women worth their salt should weigh up people as a whole.

I know a woman who has a great personality but has been rejected my men again and again because she's severely overweight and long term unemployed. Even I've rejected her because holding hands with her in the street would be bad enough, yet alone having to look after her.

Being a driven autistic who makes sure their life is in order and looks after their body albeit one with limited social skills is a charming trait in itself.

I think autistics need to be realistic about their limitations they were unfortunately handed and try and work around them in ways they have more luck with.



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01 Feb 2023, 9:38 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
uncommondenominator wrote:
That means you can't try? You won't know how far you can improve unless you do it. But why go to all that work when you can just make another excuse.

Besides, I'm not sure that's as true as you'd like it to be, as a defense. But again, it makes a handy excuse.

I think it's good to determine, as exactly as possible, what one's actual neurological limiting factors are regarding the development of social skills.

For example, many of us have attention issues of a kind that that makes us worse at multi-tasking than most people are. This intrinsically limits the kinds of group social activities we can participate in well.

On the other hand, most of us can improve at one-on-one conversation, even if we will never be able to handle group chitchat very well. Also, as for group activity, many of us can become much better at structured group activity, e.g. games, than random group chitchat.


I was going to point out, that all someone has to do to thwart your suggestion, is to say "no they can't!" - but I see someone else has already demonstrated this for me.

The only difference I see between your suggestion and the implication that autistics "can't!" learn social skills, is by the degree. Instead of ALL social skills being thrown off the table as options, only HALF of social skills have been discarded entirely, with the remaining options presented like a new previously unforeseen opportunity, as though it wasn't an option the whole time.

Furthermore, it occurs to me - are we not, those of us here in this thread, this forum, socializing? Holding conversations, expressing ideas, etc. Not only that, but there's a group of us. That means we're engaging in group socialization. We're each talking to multiple people. We're talking among our selves. Holding different conversations with different people simultaneously, as well as addressing the room. We're shifting and changing who we're talking to, on a moment-to-moment basis. OMG! It's almost as if we actually have social skills!

I still can't help but feel that some of our problems are less related to an "inability" to learn social skills, and more related to some of the maladaptive behaviors we've picked up for w/e reason - like talking about women in off-putting ways, or putting "NT"s on a pedestal far beyond the reach of the supposed limitations of the abilities of us autistics.

As for "hittin' the gym"...

If you want to work out to be healthy, good on you - but do it for yourself.

If you want to work out to be "pretty", good for you - it's vanity, but good for you for doing something about it - but do it for yourself.

If you want to work out to be "pretty" cos you think it will win over "the ladies", (But also totally health! Yup, definitely health, and not vanity at all!), you're not doing it for yourself. You're doing it to get attention. And you're expecting it to carry the weight of a lot of other things.

Furthermore, it's the whole package, not just the "working out". It's not only rubber stamping "social skills" as "INCONCEIVABLE!" ("you keep using that word...") but also focusing exclusively on Muscles!, as though they can compensate for anything, with the occasional afterthought of something obvious like "being able to drive" or "being a semi-functional adult".

"Muscles! can make you interesting! Muscles! give you something to talk about! Muscles! can give you personality! Muscles! can make you charming!"

Which by the way, if Muscles! can make you charming and add to personality, then why such a fuss about being expected to have personality? Aren't you going to have Muscles!? Isn't that going to add to your personality?

Which, you are SLIIIIIIIGHTLY correct, that having hobbies does add to personality - but ideally, it should be more than "one single 'hobby', and literally nothing else".

To be clear, when I say "social skills", I mean stuff like "managing emotions", and "dealing with conflict" and, oh, I dunno, "maintaining a relationship". Cos there's nothing a girl likes more than a big strong guy that can't handle being told "no" :roll:

I don't normally talk about what I personally can do, or have done, cos it's not fair to assume that just cos I can, that anyone else can. At the same time, I don't think I'm anything special, and don't see why others couldn't do at least some of the stuff that I have, to some degree, especially having seen so many others on this site that can do some pretty cool things, that I can't, or haven't.

However, just to provide a benchmark, here are some of my skills which are in no way "social" or socially related:

I can cook all kinds of tasty food, from scratch. I can sew by hand and repair clothing. I can fix things around a house, including basic plumbing, electrical, carpentry, drywall, and painting. I can fix most things on a car, from changing oil to rebuilding an engine (formally trained mechanic). I'm building two racecars. I also work on boats. I can drive, pilot a boat, and ride a motorcycle. I can hitch a trailer and back it up around a corner. I can launch and trailer a boat. I've studied (formally) several different martial arts, including Kenpo Karate, Boxing, Tae Kwon Do, Brazilian Jiujutsu, Pekiti Tirsia Kali, and Pencak silat. I'm pretty handy with a knife or machete. I can throw a punch, and I can take a punch. I can build a PC from a pile of parts I picked myself, and diagnose and repair it if it breaks. I have been know to fix the occasional broken game console. I know how to weld.

I have a three octave vocal range when I'm warmed up, and I sing pretty well. I also play, write, and compose music, and have been known to dance from time to time. I know how to paint nails and apply acrylics. I can use a hair curler or a flat-iron without burning hair off. I can braid hair. I can dye hair. Sometimes I draw or paint. I like to write for fun. I prefer to practice the acquisition and application of alliteration and other neat mnemonic nuances normally known to be plentiful or prolific in prose and poetry, and practice tongue twisters to test my talents, and elevate my enunciation, should I happen to spur my soul to say something sweet to the smiling siren who sells sea shells by the seashore.

I am an Associate of Arts, having studied math, chemistry, history, art, communications, and psychology. I'm a Bachelor of Applied Sciences in the field of Organizational Behavior Management, with a background in behavior. I'm a Master of Business Administration, and all that that entails. And while the following are "social skills", I am a skilled writer, and have no problems presenting in front of groups - I'm good at it and enjoy it. I can speak extemporaneously with very little preparation. I've tutored my peers and helped them improve their writing skills. Just to name some of my skills and abilities.

I am autistic. Every skill I have, every last one, I had to WORK at, to get to where it is now. All of them. Not for a few weeks, or even a few months. Years, of actual hard work, effort, discomfort, overcoming my issues one by one, and finding a way. Of failing over and over so I at least got practice, at least I tried. I broke cars. I ruined computers. I knocked myself stupid with sticks and cut myself on occasions when learning Kali. I got hit in the face when I was learning boxing. I failed the occasional class. I delivered some horrible speeches. I'm still not who or where I want to be, but at least I'm doing something about it, and have something to show for it. And despite that, now I can do all that stuff I couldn't do before. But I wouldn't have, if I'd given up or just made excuses for what I "can't" do.

I don't expect to be applauded for it, but I also don't particularly care to hear people whine about the "impossible", while other people have done, and are doing it. Not just me, but all the other people on here who are making progress and doing better in their lives.

Dismissing all that as "luck" undercuts all the work and effort that went into it making it happen. And claiming that autistics "can't" do it, invalidates the possibility that it could have even been accomplished to begin with - as I said, a slap in the face to all the autistic people on here that DO have social skills, and personalities, and probably also worked hard to develop them. The poets, the artists, the writers, the musicians, the adventurers, The MARRIED.

Being realistic about one's limitations isn't just about acknowledging what you can't do, but also being honest about what you can do, and working on those things to the best of your ability.

Nades wrote:
Even I've rejected her because holding hands with her in the street would be bad enough, yet alone having to look after her.


Such a charmer! I bet you say that to all the girls...! :heart: *swoon!* :heart:

How svelt must the lady be to be worthy of the gentleman's time and attention? Are you yourself currently correspondingly muscular and fit? Or are you still "working on that"? You may want it, but are you there yet? Can you deliver? Or is that cheque still "in the mail".

If you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person, or so I've heard. If you feel that your social skills are sufficiently sub-par that YOU need to turn YOUR attention elsewhere, that's fine. You do you. But don't go around telling other people that their limits are lower just to absolve yourself of the expectation of improvement on your part.

You say autistics can't. I say the art music and writing section here demonstrates otherwise.

BTW, I met my wife when I was overweight and unemployed, with only a fraction of the skills I have now.

And I never said anyone in here was a pig. I said that some men in here seem so focused on sex, they end up treating women like livestock, whether they realize it or not - weighing them and measuring them and stamping them with ratings and labels - It just sounds like "USDA Approved, Lean Female, Grade B, suitable for consumption, but not a prime cut"

Ask yourself this - would you date a girl if you knew it would never lead to sex? If the answer is "no", you don't want a relationship, you want sex.



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02 Feb 2023, 1:07 am

uncommondenominator wrote:
Furthermore, it occurs to me - are we not, those of us here in this thread, this forum, socializing? Holding conversations, expressing ideas, etc. Not only that, but there's a group of us. That means we're engaging in group socialization. We're each talking to multiple people. We're talking among our selves. Holding different conversations with different people simultaneously, as well as addressing the room. We're shifting and changing who we're talking to, on a moment-to-moment basis.

Doing this in a text-based online forum is very different from doing this in-person, in real time.

Many (though not all) autistic people are better able to handle online text-based interaction than in-person interaction.

Anyhow, I think many of us do need to be selective about which kinds of "social skills" we try to acquire. Trying to make ourselves appear NT-like in every way is known to be bad for autistic people's mental health. See, for example:

- Autism Masking: To Blend or Not to Blend by Rebecca Joy Stanborough, MFA, healthline, updated on Nov 19, 2021
- Autism Masking: How Hiding Your Neurodiversity Can Affect Your Mental Health by Hilya Delband Tehrani, PsyD, GoodRxHealth, August 29, 2022


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02 Feb 2023, 1:51 am

uncommondenominator wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
uncommondenominator wrote:
That means you can't try? You won't know how far you can improve unless you do it. But why go to all that work when you can just make another excuse.

Besides, I'm not sure that's as true as you'd like it to be, as a defense. But again, it makes a handy excuse.

I think it's good to determine, as exactly as possible, what one's actual neurological limiting factors are regarding the development of social skills.

For example, many of us have attention issues of a kind that that makes us worse at multi-tasking than most people are. This intrinsically limits the kinds of group social activities we can participate in well.

On the other hand, most of us can improve at one-on-one conversation, even if we will never be able to handle group chitchat very well. Also, as for group activity, many of us can become much better at structured group activity, e.g. games, than random group chitchat.


I was going to point out, that all someone has to do to thwart your suggestion, is to say "no they can't!" - but I see someone else has already demonstrated this for me.

The only difference I see between your suggestion and the implication that autistics "can't!" learn social skills, is by the degree. Instead of ALL social skills being thrown off the table as options, only HALF of social skills have been discarded entirely, with the remaining options presented like a new previously unforeseen opportunity, as though it wasn't an option the whole time.

Furthermore, it occurs to me - are we not, those of us here in this thread, this forum, socializing? Holding conversations, expressing ideas, etc. Not only that, but there's a group of us. That means we're engaging in group socialization. We're each talking to multiple people. We're talking among our selves. Holding different conversations with different people simultaneously, as well as addressing the room. We're shifting and changing who we're talking to, on a moment-to-moment basis. OMG! It's almost as if we actually have social skills!

I still can't help but feel that some of our problems are less related to an "inability" to learn social skills, and more related to some of the maladaptive behaviors we've picked up for w/e reason - like talking about women in off-putting ways, or putting "NT"s on a pedestal far beyond the reach of the supposed limitations of the abilities of us autistics.

As for "hittin' the gym"...

If you want to work out to be healthy, good on you - but do it for yourself.

If you want to work out to be "pretty", good for you - it's vanity, but good for you for doing something about it - but do it for yourself.

If you want to work out to be "pretty" cos you think it will win over "the ladies", (But also totally health! Yup, definitely health, and not vanity at all!), you're not doing it for yourself. You're doing it to get attention. And you're expecting it to carry the weight of a lot of other things.

Furthermore, it's the whole package, not just the "working out". It's not only rubber stamping "social skills" as "INCONCEIVABLE!" ("you keep using that word...") but also focusing exclusively on Muscles!, as though they can compensate for anything, with the occasional afterthought of something obvious like "being able to drive" or "being a semi-functional adult".

"Muscles! can make you interesting! Muscles! give you something to talk about! Muscles! can give you personality! Muscles! can make you charming!"

Which by the way, if Muscles! can make you charming and add to personality, then why such a fuss about being expected to have personality? Aren't you going to have Muscles!? Isn't that going to add to your personality?

Which, you are SLIIIIIIIGHTLY correct, that having hobbies does add to personality - but ideally, it should be more than "one single 'hobby', and literally nothing else".

To be clear, when I say "social skills", I mean stuff like "managing emotions", and "dealing with conflict" and, oh, I dunno, "maintaining a relationship". Cos there's nothing a girl likes more than a big strong guy that can't handle being told "no" :roll:

I don't normally talk about what I personally can do, or have done, cos it's not fair to assume that just cos I can, that anyone else can. At the same time, I don't think I'm anything special, and don't see why others couldn't do at least some of the stuff that I have, to some degree, especially having seen so many others on this site that can do some pretty cool things, that I can't, or haven't.

However, just to provide a benchmark, here are some of my skills which are in no way "social" or socially related:

I can cook all kinds of tasty food, from scratch. I can sew by hand and repair clothing. I can fix things around a house, including basic plumbing, electrical, carpentry, drywall, and painting. I can fix most things on a car, from changing oil to rebuilding an engine (formally trained mechanic). I'm building two racecars. I also work on boats. I can drive, pilot a boat, and ride a motorcycle. I can hitch a trailer and back it up around a corner. I can launch and trailer a boat. I've studied (formally) several different martial arts, including Kenpo Karate, Boxing, Tae Kwon Do, Brazilian Jiujutsu, Pekiti Tirsia Kali, and Pencak silat. I'm pretty handy with a knife or machete. I can throw a punch, and I can take a punch. I can build a PC from a pile of parts I picked myself, and diagnose and repair it if it breaks. I have been know to fix the occasional broken game console. I know how to weld.

I have a three octave vocal range when I'm warmed up, and I sing pretty well. I also play, write, and compose music, and have been known to dance from time to time. I know how to paint nails and apply acrylics. I can use a hair curler or a flat-iron without burning hair off. I can braid hair. I can dye hair. Sometimes I draw or paint. I like to write for fun. I prefer to practice the acquisition and application of alliteration and other neat mnemonic nuances normally known to be plentiful or prolific in prose and poetry, and practice tongue twisters to test my talents, and elevate my enunciation, should I happen to spur my soul to say something sweet to the smiling siren who sells sea shells by the seashore.

I am an Associate of Arts, having studied math, chemistry, history, art, communications, and psychology. I'm a Bachelor of Applied Sciences in the field of Organizational Behavior Management, with a background in behavior. I'm a Master of Business Administration, and all that that entails. And while the following are "social skills", I am a skilled writer, and have no problems presenting in front of groups - I'm good at it and enjoy it. I can speak extemporaneously with very little preparation. I've tutored my peers and helped them improve their writing skills. Just to name some of my skills and abilities.

I am autistic. Every skill I have, every last one, I had to WORK at, to get to where it is now. All of them. Not for a few weeks, or even a few months. Years, of actual hard work, effort, discomfort, overcoming my issues one by one, and finding a way. Of failing over and over so I at least got practice, at least I tried. I broke cars. I ruined computers. I knocked myself stupid with sticks and cut myself on occasions when learning Kali. I got hit in the face when I was learning boxing. I failed the occasional class. I delivered some horrible speeches. I'm still not who or where I want to be, but at least I'm doing something about it, and have something to show for it. And despite that, now I can do all that stuff I couldn't do before. But I wouldn't have, if I'd given up or just made excuses for what I "can't" do.

I don't expect to be applauded for it, but I also don't particularly care to hear people whine about the "impossible", while other people have done, and are doing it. Not just me, but all the other people on here who are making progress and doing better in their lives.

Dismissing all that as "luck" undercuts all the work and effort that went into it making it happen. And claiming that autistics "can't" do it, invalidates the possibility that it could have even been accomplished to begin with - as I said, a slap in the face to all the autistic people on here that DO have social skills, and personalities, and probably also worked hard to develop them. The poets, the artists, the writers, the musicians, the adventurers, The MARRIED.

Being realistic about one's limitations isn't just about acknowledging what you can't do, but also being honest about what you can do, and working on those things to the best of your ability.

Nades wrote:
Even I've rejected her because holding hands with her in the street would be bad enough, yet alone having to look after her.


Such a charmer! I bet you say that to all the girls...! :heart: *swoon!* :heart:

How svelt must the lady be to be worthy of the gentleman's time and attention? Are you yourself currently correspondingly muscular and fit? Or are you still "working on that"? You may want it, but are you there yet? Can you deliver? Or is that cheque still "in the mail".

If you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person, or so I've heard. If you feel that your social skills are sufficiently sub-par that YOU need to turn YOUR attention elsewhere, that's fine. You do you. But don't go around telling other people that their limits are lower just to absolve yourself of the expectation of improvement on your part.

You say autistics can't. I say the art music and writing section here demonstrates otherwise.

BTW, I met my wife when I was overweight and unemployed, with only a fraction of the skills I have now.

And I never said anyone in here was a pig. I said that some men in here seem so focused on sex, they end up treating women like livestock, whether they realize it or not - weighing them and measuring them and stamping them with ratings and labels - It just sounds like "USDA Approved, Lean Female, Grade B, suitable for consumption, but not a prime cut"

Ask yourself this - would you date a girl if you knew it would never lead to sex? If the answer is "no", you don't want a relationship, you want sex.



Jesus Christ, and yet I am atheist, but…. Jesus Christ!

Are you done with mansplaining everyone?

If autistics can really improve themselves in « unlimited way » then let’s burn the whole DSM while we are at it. According to you, mental conditions are just bunch of excuses in order not to improve ourselves.