How To Get A Girlfriend If You're An Autistic Man

Post Reply New Topic

I wouldn’t mind dating a trumpeter who plays in an orchestra (but not in my ear!).

OP, do you or have you played the trumpet in an orchestra?

Having an interesting hobby (other than trying to “get a girlfriend”) helps make a person more interesting.

But females also need a boyfriend. Why can't they do the hunting.
Why can't they work on humor and personality.
Hey its not like males are the only that want sex and relationships and marriage.
Why can't I be entertained.

i agree with this

I agree with you
It's a roll of the dice whether someone will click with us or not.
I don't think there's a "magic personality type" which would please everyone.
We all like different types of humour too.

That's why I'd encourage people to meet as many new people as they can.
I know it's difficult to get out there and socialise, to practise talking to different people.
I just don't know of any other way to increase the odds.

Men talking to other men irl helps too.
Any opportunity to interact with people and get to know new personalities will help.
Talk to senior citizens, kids, professionals, artists, whatever!


Re: Online dating
Some people are able to be witty online, or write in a way that shows their personality.
For others that's even more of a challenge and they'd be better meeting people irl.
irl also has the advantage of pheromones and chemistry.
We don't get a sense of that from looking at digital photos, and it matters a lot.

I don’t “need” a boyfriend, and I’m female. I also don’t “need” a girlfriend.

If the OP was a female trying to “get a boyfriend,” she’d probably receive similar advice.

STEREOTYPE ALERT:

Most women do work on their humour and personality even if it's subconscious.
We're hardwired to copy other women in terms of how we act (what's cool, what's funny etc.)
Women spend more time in therapy if needed (trying to understand or refine their personality)
Women spend more time around children and seniors (a range of role models)
Women usually like romantic comedies and funny TV shows / movies rather than war movies
Women also learn about teaching, helping, nursing, caring, etc more than men

Massive generalisations but, generally true. ^


As for hunting:
You don't think women are hunting for partners?
Have you seen how much work women put into their SM accounts, their appearance, and their social lives?

If guys put half as much thought and effort into making changes as they did making excuses, they'd be far better off.

While it is technically correct, that it is impossible to be everything that every woman wants, all at once - from the sound of it, some of the men in here are attracting approximately ZERO women. So if you develop even a single personality trait that attracts even a fraction of the women in the world, you're already ahead of the ZERO you were at previously. But when you put it in terms of being unable to please all women perfectly all at once, then yeah, it makes for a great sounding excuse.

Before you start whining about the impossibility of making all women happy, start with ONE. Make at least ONE woman happy. And you don't have to be EVERYthing she wants, but it helps to be at least SOMEthing she wants.

Yes, humor is subjective. If people don't get your humor, learn more humor. Not that hard. Not if you TRY. Like ACTUALLY try. Not spend a few weeks doing it half-assedly, and giving up when it doesn't immediately make you popular with every woman you talk to. These things take time and work, and nothing is ever guaranteed.

Besides, it's not just the things guys aren't doing. Some of it is the things that guys ARE doing.

Things like talking about women like they're objects, prizes, trophies, or animals. Y'all wanna "find" women, "get" women, "keep" women. This thread is literally called "how to get a girlfriend". Guys in here have talked about women like they're food, worrying about whether there's "enough to go around" or if they'll get theirs. Guys talk about the "dating marketplace" like they're trying to buy an appliance, and in the same vein as food, act like "finding a partner" is like selecting an entree from a menu - just point at a woman that looks good and say "I'll have that one!"

Meanwhile, as much as I hear guys talk about what they want, there doesn't seem to be much talk about what WOMEN want - unless it's to paint them with words like "hypergamy" and complain about "high standards". I see guys whining that they don't know what women like, while women are literally spamming responses as to what they like, followed by guys arguing with women about what women say they like.

But as someone said in another thread, if it wasn't for convenient excuses that absolve the individual of all fault responsibility or blame, they might actually have to DO something about their self-created situation.

^

I think everyone here knows personally helps a lot, but the title of this thread is "How to get a girlfriend if you're an autistic man"

The main diagnostic criteria of autism is a extreme difficulty building connections with peers and poor social skills. Personality and humour is probably the biggest weakness of autisitcs so why is it so surprising that people here are recommending improving on other areas of their life they have more control over?

There's more to being eligible on the dating market than just charisma and personality so why not work on everything someone can?

Because there's only 24 hours a day and someone ugly but content with their life is a better relationship candidate than an ever-frustrated top model.

By all means - do sports, eat healthily and shower regularily, but also do what makes you happy and seek company of people you genuinely like.

But looks still matter. I also noticed there seems to be considerably more unhappy and ever
-frustrated obese people than good looking people.

Seriously, why stack the odds against you when you're autisitc by treating your body like crap in addition to having poor social skills?

I see it happen all to often with autistics. Also, being into working out adds to personality along with trying to get a better job.

Sure, not being morbidly obese and not stinking helps a lot. If one is at this level, that's a good start.
If someone dislikes gyms for social or sensory reasons, there are alternatives at home and/or in nature.

If one is reasonably clean and possibly healthy, other aspects start to matter more.

The fact that "autistics have difficulty building connections and have poor social skills" is exactly why, and all the more reason to, practice social skills and how to build connections. These are literally aspects of improving one's personality. Someone who has better social skills, tends to have a better personality.

Working on "everything a person can" sounds great and all, but usually the only thing that gets worked on is "excuses". Once all the excuses have been unleashed, there's usually not much left to "work on" except more excuses.

People have plenty of control over who they are. It's one of the only things we do have control over in this world. But it's HARD. It takes TIME and DISCIPLINE and WORK.

Excuse: "I'm no good at socializing!"

So go socialize more.

Excuse: "I can't go socialize! I'm no good at it!"

You CAN go socialize, you just won't be good at it. Nothing is stopping you, you just don't like the outcome.

Excuse: "Why should I try if I'm just going to fail!"

Cos you also won't get better of you never do it at all, and failing is part of life. Everyone fails, all the time. It just bothers you more. Learning to deal with, and overcome that, is part of growing as a person. it's called "fortitude" or "perseverance", and it makes for a great personality trait. If you put in the work, and it's the right work, eventually you DON'T fail - you still may fail occasionally, but everyone does - part of life. That's literally how people develop skills. Even the supposed all-mighty "NT". It may take autistics longer, may take more work, but it's not insurmountable - if you actually do the work, instead of making excuses for what you "can't" do, and continuing to avoid doing it.

Also, unless you're gonna try to convince me that "autism" is the reason so many guys in here talk about women like they're meat or used cars or menu items, I daresay "autism" may not be their biggest problem regarding finding "love". And by "love" I mean "sex", since that seems to be the actual goal more often than not.

It's really probably not "muh autism" as much as y'all think, or claim, it is. It's men rating women with numbers based on their looks. It's men lecturing women about "hypergamy" or other such crap. It's men gaslighting women about how their standards are "too high" rather than actually improving themselves. It's men who expect to be able to "have a girlfriend" the way someone "has a cat". It's men who don't want to be friends with a girl unless it leads to sex. It's men who aren't emotionally mature enough to be around a girl they like without the irresistible urge to f*ck her, and if they can't, they want nothing to do with her. Cos nothing says "I really like you" like "if we can't bang, I'm not interested".

And as a side note, yes, women like sex, too. That's why things like dildos and vibrators exist. Male sex toys also exist. If you're that desperate for sex, you can always quite literally go f*ck yourself No need to involve anyone else. It's not women's job to take care of you. Nothing on god's green earth entitles you to access to another person's body, period - even if you're "really nice". Many men in general seem to have trouble with that concept from time to time.

Loads of autisitcs men are at the stage where they're not remotely at the stage where they look good enough to for women to see past their looks.

I for one won't be seen holding hands with someone who weighs 300 pounds. Ideally though, why look average when you can look toned and slim, perhaps even muscular? It helps if someone is cursed with poor social skills, and no charisma.

Autisitcs are severely limited with how much they can improve their social skills..........

I always figured I'll need to make up for it in other ways.