How To Get A Girlfriend If You're An Autistic Man

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magz
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31 Jan 2023, 4:32 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
magz wrote:
Do I act as if gym consumes an entire day of the 24 hours?


Yes, based on your previous reactions to this matter, you (and few other members) you did sound that you were assuming it's taking too much time to the extent it is risking to take time from over other stuff like improvements in other areas (ie. social skills). It should be simply treated like any other routine activity, like cooking and cleaning, not more than that.

Then there's plenty of miscommmunication in this thread, I believe.

AFAIR, I suggested that if someone does not like gyms for any reason, there are alternatives.


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Where_am_I
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31 Jan 2023, 4:33 am

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uncommondenominator wrote:
You shoved plenty into my mouth. All I said was going to the gym makes people better looking and autisitcs are limited with their social skills regardless of how hard they try (which is true)


And I think that sounds like an excuse to not even try, no matter how true it is.

Also, that is NOT "all you said". You said autistics CAN'T be as good with social skills as NT's are - which is a slap in the face to all the autistics here who do have good social skills (better than many NTs in some cases, just as good in many more) and worked really hard to gain those skills.

I echo what Issy said.

I appreciate every single one of your posts in here.


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31 Jan 2023, 4:36 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Where_am_I wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Workout should not make take more than one hour, and I don't think it should be more than 3 days a week. More than that it's excessive.

You'd lay into Issy if they made a comment like that.

Working out more than three days a week is not excessive. It all depends on the kind of workouts one does. I agree they should not be lengthy.


Is Issy paying you to be her lawyer? :mrgreen: And why would I "lay into Issy" if she made a such reasonable comment.

You made an ignorant comment.


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r00tb33r
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31 Jan 2023, 4:37 am

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The_Face_of_Boo
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31 Jan 2023, 4:40 am

magz wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
magz wrote:
Do I act as if gym consumes an entire day of the 24 hours?


Yes, based on your previous reactions to this matter, you (and few other members) you did sound that you were assuming it's taking too much time to the extent it is risking to take time from over other stuff like improvements in other areas (ie. social skills). It should be simply treated like any other routine activity, like cooking and cleaning, not more than that.

Then there's plenty of miscommmunication in this thread, I believe.

AFAIR, I suggested that if someone does not like gyms for any reason, there are alternatives.



You, magz, in particular brought up the time cost thing:

magz wrote:
Nades wrote:
There's more to being eligible on the dating market than just charisma and personality so why not work on everything someone can?
Because there's only 24 hours a day and someone ugly but content with their life is a better relationship candidate than an ever-frustrated top model.

By all means - do sports, eat healthily and shower regularily, but also do what makes you happy and seek company of people you genuinely like.


You equated the advice of working out (which both of us agree that it shouldn't be excessively lengthy) = spending too much time, which is something that none of us advised. Your post obviously assumes that the activity he suggested (hitting the gym) consumes too much time of the 24 hours a day and causing negating other areas, which shouldn't be the case at all. No one said that autistics should spend too much time in gym while negating/neglecting other areas.



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31 Jan 2023, 4:52 am

"However, dating a less attractive woman who is plain, overweight, or nerdy, may be a better fit for many men on the spectrum. "

I have different problems with this.Basicly you say to settle with women who are worse than you just because of autism.
I would never settle for a woman below.I would rather be alone for years and search for better options instead.
These girls are most of the time are far below avarage.Why would an avarage looking autistic person settle for them?
You can also improve yourself in the meantime.



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31 Jan 2023, 4:54 am

Thank you, Isabella and Where_am_I. It is appreciated.



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31 Jan 2023, 4:57 am

I'm not attracted to plain personalities. This I've learned and confirmed with experience.


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magz
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31 Jan 2023, 4:58 am

@The_Face_of_Boo
Okay, then I clarify what I had in mind:
There's only 24 hours a day so you need to prioritize. Obsessing about looks while neglecting human contact and mental health tends to lead nowhere.

Also, this post had two paragraphs. I think the second one fits exactly within the concept of "adding some exercise to daily routine".


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magz
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31 Jan 2023, 5:01 am

Aspierornot wrote:
"However, dating a less attractive woman who is plain, overweight, or nerdy, may be a better fit for many men on the spectrum. "

I have different problems with this.Basicly you say to settle with women who are worse than you just because of autism.
I would never settle for a woman below.I would rather be alone for years and search for better options instead.
These girls are most of the time are far below avarage.Why would an avarage looking autistic person settle for them?
You can also improve yourself in the meantime.

I see you are new here.

Never ever on this site claim superficial characteristics can make one human being "worse" than other.

Are we clear?


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The_Face_of_Boo
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31 Jan 2023, 5:02 am

magz wrote:
@The_Face_of_Boo
Okay, then I clarify what I had in mind:
There's only 24 hours a day so you need to prioritize. Obsessing about looks while neglecting human contact and mental health tends to lead nowhere.

Also, this my had two paragraphs. I think the second one fits exactly within the concept of "adding some exercise to daily routine".


Any kind of obsession is bad and usually it's a part of a bigger problem, but yet I don't think Nade or anyone giving this advice said one should obssess about anything (Too much assumptions).

I do agree with the the other paragraph.



Aspierornot
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31 Jan 2023, 5:04 am

magz wrote:
Fnord wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Where's the part about being a nice person and building trust with people?
Being a Nice Guy™ is an almost sure way for a man to be permanently Friendzoned, and you cannot build trust with people with whom you have no relationship.

The OP is suggesting ways to work around these obstacles.

So far, most Nice Guy™s I've encountered were not actually nice guys - just "I'm nice to you so why don't you do what I want, you rat" kind of persons.

The concept of "friendzone" is weird. I can have only one boyfriend/husband but plenty of friends - so most of the males in my social circle are my friends. Being bitter about this simple reality is weird.
Unless we are talking about a Nice Guy™ who keeps pouring money and effort on someone he should have given up long ago.


So a nice guy is who can be exploited easily thats what a nice guy should be isnt it?



magz
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31 Jan 2023, 5:08 am

Nice Guy™ is something very different from a genuinely nice guy.

Assertiveness is welcome in actual nice guys (and nice girls).

Being simultanously exploited and entitled is the trademark of Nice Guy™.


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31 Jan 2023, 5:10 am

magz wrote:
Nades wrote:
Well you need to look more into what an autism diagnosis entails.

I thought you dislike the approach of "I am disabled, so I will just sit and do nothing about my life" quite strongly?

To be clear: I don't find the advice "to hit the gym" wrong, especially if it resulted in improving one's general health.
But one can't form a healthy relationship if they completely neglect building social skills. 1:1 social skills tend to be easier to autistics than big group social skills.


Nope. There are limits to what someone can do socially if they're autisitc, everything else I dislike if no effort is made.

Poor social skills are part of the autism diagnosis. Poor social development, communication problems, several terms are used to describe the main trait of autism but at the end of the day, it's just poorly developed social skills which can't be improved on to the extent of an NT. It's just what autism entails.

That being said, personal looks are not part of diagnosis, having a driving licence also isn't along with to a modest extent having a job.

It's reasonable to make an effort on those seeing an autistic has control over them. It also adds to personality if someone has more going on in their life than just sitting at home all day eating like many autistics fall into the trap of.



magz
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31 Jan 2023, 5:14 am

I know several autistic people with whom I can have fun.
That's the social skill most important for early dating and I don't think autism diagnosis sets a hard limit on it.
Assertiveness is a social skill important in more advanced stages - and this, too, can be trained.


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31 Jan 2023, 5:14 am

Aspierornot wrote:
So a nice guy is who can be exploited easily thats what a nice guy should be isnt it?

That's a little too close to home. Then again, I don't think a man has to be nice to be exploited by a woman.


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