How To Get A Girlfriend If You're An Autistic Man

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nick007
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24 Jan 2023, 2:47 pm

Lowering my standards is part of what ultimately worked for me. I also tried to figure out what my strengths were & the type of person who would be a great match for that. Then I tried to figure out how to meet & present myself to those types of women. I kinda thought of it as marketing & advertising myself. Fortunately for me the type of woman I'm best suited for is also the type most others would have various negative opinions about. I do NOT usually agree about those opinions but am well aware that others think that way & lots of people have those similar negative opinions about me as well. I love women that are needy, clingy, & need a lot of emotional support. They are more relatable, understanding, & accepting of me. Plus I think being emotionally supportive within a romantic relationship is one of my biggest relationship strengths but I don't provide emotional support in the typical NT way. I'm much more direct & blunt about things which turns typical NT women off but typical NT women are not a good match for me in lots of other various ways.

I woulda pursued the mail-order bride route if I had the money & resources & I woulda taken in a woman who needed a place to stay if I woulda had my own place at the time. I knew a couple women online who woulda been interested in me if I had my own place & getting my own place was sorta in the works but might of taken a very long time. I know various cases of both approaches working for guys with various disabilities who majorly struggled with typical dating.


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25 Jan 2023, 8:47 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
ironpony wrote:
I was referring to this post from before:

Zakatar wrote:
Hot Take: There is another side of this coin. Since most NT women won’t give us the time of day unless we’re at least a 9/10 on the looks scale (which the vast majority of us obviously aren’t), Autustic women need to become more open to dating Autistic men too. The amount of Autistic women I’ve met who are in relationships with NT men disheartens me and makes me feel like no matter how hard I try to “work on myself”, I’ll never be successful in this department.


Thanks for showing me the post.

I'm sorry if that's been Zakatar's experience.
Personally, I don't know any autistic women who have that point of view.

I give the time of day to lots of men on here who are autistic.
(I don't know a lot of autistic men irl so this is my litmus test.)

I have no idea what most of the men here look like in real life.
I think they're amazing without ever seeing their face.
There have been a few men here I would have dated, no questions asked.

That's always been based on personality and the way they treat people.
We can photoshop our looks, but not our character.


Well as far as the believe goes that guys have to be goodlooking to get women, does it really get relationships though that are long term that work out often?

For example, I can only go my own experience. I have a gf now and it's going well, and I hope it works out! But before that, I often could only get short term or FWB or even ONS experiences, because of my autism, so I wonder if the looks will get autistic guys so far, or if they don't get lucky and find a needle in a haystack, will they have to go through the rest of their lives with short term experiences, if that is all looks will bring them?

But then again if this has been other guys' experience as well, maybe it's still a lot better than not having no one in comparison, because you can still move from person to person short term, and still have temporary intimacy and companionship here and there? I could also be completely wrong on this and sharing my experience :).



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26 Jan 2023, 2:30 am

^^^I think being good looking can help guys in general including autistic ones get their feet in the door so to speak but there would likely have to be more in order too keep the relationship going. The other side of the coin is that bad looks could potentially be a major girl repellent & make it very difficult for a great guy to get half a chance to prove himself but most who do give him that chance may think he's awesome.


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magz
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26 Jan 2023, 3:31 am

nick007 wrote:
^^^I think being good looking can help guys in general including autistic ones get their feet in the door so to speak but there would likely have to be more in order too keep the relationship going. The other side of the coin is that bad looks could potentially be a major girl repellent & make it very difficult for a great guy to get half a chance to prove himself but most who do give him that chance may think he's awesome.

Average looks are sufficient if other factors "click".
Insecurity and desperation are much more repulsive than lack of beauty.


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26 Jan 2023, 4:17 am

Some of you here have very outdated view on gym, stil stuck in the 70-80 eras when gyms was for roid rats of the likes of Schwarzenegger, you still have a comic idea that gym is filled with roid narcissistic guys who flex themselves in the mirrors all the time attempting to impress women…this is fictional that exists in comedy only, no one does that.

Flash news: it is no longer the case; now gyms are no more for niche roid people, they’re more of a commonplace in cities, and most attendants have average bodies and don’t take roid substances; and oh it’s no longer a sausage fest either; and there’s all sorts of exercises out there. This has been the case in the last decade at least.

As said, many of us live in very urbanic cities and not in proximity to plains/mountains/rivers, so recreational activities aren’t possible frequently in midweeks, yes surely doing things in nature may be nicer but it is not practical.

So update yourselves; and enough of this stupid “gym is for narcissist buff losers while nature sports are for interesting people” narrative .

Here some videos from my local gym, I have never seen mirror-centric people there, just normal humans:
https://www.facebook.com/gymbofitnesslb ... 4112992001
https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=3362481153978709



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26 Jan 2023, 5:59 am

I agree. The gyms I went to, even in the 90s, didn’t contain many steroids takers. Most gym clients were average like me.

But I still feel that “hitting the gym” is no solution to problems finding romance.



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26 Jan 2023, 8:46 am

I've only been to the gym once in my life and that was almost 20 years ago. No time for it. Didn't need muscles to get married, don't need muscles to stay married, either.

But maybe I'm fishing in a different sea.



magz
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26 Jan 2023, 8:53 am

^ you need muscles to breathe ;)


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IsabellaLinton
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26 Jan 2023, 11:04 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Some of you here have very outdated view on gym, stil stuck in the 70-80 eras when gyms was for roid rats of the likes of Schwarzenegger, you still have a comic idea that gym is filled with roid narcissistic guys who flex themselves in the mirrors all the time attempting to impress women…this is fictional that exists in comedy only, no one does that.

Flash news: it is no longer the case; now gyms are no more for niche roid people, they’re more of a commonplace in cities, and most attendants have average bodies and don’t take roid substances; and oh it’s no longer a sausage fest either; and there’s all sorts of exercises out there. This has been the case in the last decade at least.

As said, many of us live in very urbanic cities and not in proximity to plains/mountains/rivers, so recreational activities aren’t possible frequently in midweeks, yes surely doing things in nature may be nicer but it is not practical.

So update yourselves; and enough of this stupid “gym is for narcissist buff losers while nature sports are for interesting people” narrative .

Here some videos from my local gym, I have never seen mirror-centric people there, just normal humans:
https://www.facebook.com/gymbofitnesslb ... 4112992001
https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=3362481153978709


If you live in a city can’t you still have a bit of a home gym, or get fit by doing housework and house repairs, etc.? I’m not saying people shouldn’t go to gyms if that’s what they really want, but it just seems like an unnecessary expense of time and money. There are lots of workout videos online and it doesn’t seem like people need much equipment to be healthy. When I used to work I remember having 10,000 steps walked by 10 a.m. just cleaning my house in the morning, getting the kids off to the nanny, and being at work on my feet. No equipment at all and I was very fit even if I didn’t cycle.

It just seems like hours spent in a gym are hours that could be spent meeting people elsewhere. Unless of course you meet people at the gym. And, are you sure all women want that type of body? I wouldn’t want to date a gym man because I’d feel like I have to keep up and have a gym membership too.



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26 Jan 2023, 11:36 am

Quote:
There are lots of workout videos online and it doesn’t seem like people need much equipment to be healthy

This.


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26 Jan 2023, 11:42 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Some of you here have very outdated view on gym, stil stuck in the 70-80 eras when gyms was for roid rats of the likes of Schwarzenegger, you still have a comic idea that gym is filled with roid narcissistic guys who flex themselves in the mirrors all the time attempting to impress women…this is fictional that exists in comedy only, no one does that.

Flash news: it is no longer the case; now gyms are no more for niche roid people, they’re more of a commonplace in cities, and most attendants have average bodies and don’t take roid substances; and oh it’s no longer a sausage fest either; and there’s all sorts of exercises out there. This has been the case in the last decade at least.

As said, many of us live in very urbanic cities and not in proximity to plains/mountains/rivers, so recreational activities aren’t possible frequently in midweeks, yes surely doing things in nature may be nicer but it is not practical.

So update yourselves; and enough of this stupid “gym is for narcissist buff losers while nature sports are for interesting people” narrative .

Here some videos from my local gym, I have never seen mirror-centric people there, just normal humans:
https://www.facebook.com/gymbofitnesslb ... 4112992001
https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=3362481153978709


If you live in a city can’t you still have a bit of a home gym, or get fit by doing housework and house repairs, etc.? I’m not saying people shouldn’t go to gyms if that’s what they really want, but it just seems like an unnecessary expense of time and money. There are lots of workout videos online and it doesn’t seem like people need much equipment to be healthy. When I used to work I remember having 10,000 steps walked by 10 a.m. just cleaning my house in the morning, getting the kids off to the nanny, and being at work on my feet. No equipment at all and I was very fit even if I didn’t cycle.

It just seems like hours spent in a gym are hours that could be spent meeting people elsewhere. Unless of course you meet people at the gym. And, are you sure all women want that type of body? I wouldn’t want to date a gym man because I’d feel like I have to keep up and have a gym membership too.



You are still stuck in the old mentality, the outdated view, that I referred to above. We are no longer in the 80s.

There’s no specific “type of body” for those who go to gym, and no one here claimed that “All women want that type of body”.

And yes it is a good place for socialization, and it doesn’t take more than 3-4 hours a week, at least for me it is 1 hour for each day, 3 days a week.

You hate gyms and you prefer other activities, fine, but stop…. mansplaining others.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 26 Jan 2023, 11:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

IsabellaLinton
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26 Jan 2023, 11:48 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Some of you here have very outdated view on gym, stil stuck in the 70-80 eras when gyms was for roid rats of the likes of Schwarzenegger, you still have a comic idea that gym is filled with roid narcissistic guys who flex themselves in the mirrors all the time attempting to impress women…this is fictional that exists in comedy only, no one does that.

Flash news: it is no longer the case; now gyms are no more for niche roid people, they’re more of a commonplace in cities, and most attendants have average bodies and don’t take roid substances; and oh it’s no longer a sausage fest either; and there’s all sorts of exercises out there. This has been the case in the last decade at least.

As said, many of us live in very urbanic cities and not in proximity to plains/mountains/rivers, so recreational activities aren’t possible frequently in midweeks, yes surely doing things in nature may be nicer but it is not practical.

So update yourselves; and enough of this stupid “gym is for narcissist buff losers while nature sports are for interesting people” narrative .

Here some videos from my local gym, I have never seen mirror-centric people there, just normal humans:
https://www.facebook.com/gymbofitnesslb ... 4112992001
https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=3362481153978709


If you live in a city can’t you still have a bit of a home gym, or get fit by doing housework and house repairs, etc.? I’m not saying people shouldn’t go to gyms if that’s what they really want, but it just seems like an unnecessary expense of time and money. There are lots of workout videos online and it doesn’t seem like people need much equipment to be healthy. When I used to work I remember having 10,000 steps walked by 10 a.m. just cleaning my house in the morning, getting the kids off to the nanny, and being at work on my feet. No equipment at all and I was very fit even if I didn’t cycle.

It just seems like hours spent in a gym are hours that could be spent meeting people elsewhere. Unless of course you meet people at the gym. And, are you sure all women want that type of body? I wouldn’t want to date a gym man because I’d feel like I have to keep up and have a gym membership too.



You are still stuck in the old mentality that I referred to above.


Do you think I live in the mountains, on plains, or by the wending rivers of a fairytale land? Or, is my “mentality” a problem because I don’t think people should say they’re helpless when they aren’t?

You’ve posted lots of pics of yourself out hiking. Your partner likes hiking. Get a bike. Clean the house. Go to the gym. It really doesn’t matter to me what you do because it’s your life and this isn’t all aimed at you. I’m just saying there are choices.



The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Jan 2023, 11:57 am

I have the impression that whenever ones mentions gym here you get hostile and go on telling how there are better and “more interesting” alternatives”.

You hate gym because you still have stupid ideas about it that you are not willing to change, fine, but you are the odd one.



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26 Jan 2023, 11:58 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Some of you here have very outdated view on gym, stil stuck in the 70-80 eras when gyms was for roid rats of the likes of Schwarzenegger, you still have a comic idea that gym is filled with roid narcissistic guys who flex themselves in the mirrors all the time attempting to impress women…this is fictional that exists in comedy only, no one does that.

Flash news: it is no longer the case; now gyms are no more for niche roid people, they’re more of a commonplace in cities, and most attendants have average bodies and don’t take roid substances; and oh it’s no longer a sausage fest either; and there’s all sorts of exercises out there. This has been the case in the last decade at least.

As said, many of us live in very urbanic cities and not in proximity to plains/mountains/rivers, so recreational activities aren’t possible frequently in midweeks, yes surely doing things in nature may be nicer but it is not practical.

So update yourselves; and enough of this stupid “gym is for narcissist buff losers while nature sports are for interesting people” narrative .

Here some videos from my local gym, I have never seen mirror-centric people there, just normal humans:
https://www.facebook.com/gymbofitnesslb ... 4112992001
https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=3362481153978709


If you live in a city can’t you still have a bit of a home gym, or get fit by doing housework and house repairs, etc.? I’m not saying people shouldn’t go to gyms if that’s what they really want, but it just seems like an unnecessary expense of time and money. There are lots of workout videos online and it doesn’t seem like people need much equipment to be healthy. When I used to work I remember having 10,000 steps walked by 10 a.m. just cleaning my house in the morning, getting the kids off to the nanny, and being at work on my feet. No equipment at all and I was very fit even if I didn’t cycle.

It just seems like hours spent in a gym are hours that could be spent meeting people elsewhere. Unless of course you meet people at the gym. And, are you sure all women want that type of body? I wouldn’t want to date a gym man because I’d feel like I have to keep up and have a gym membership too.



You are still stuck in the old mentality, the outdated view, that I referred to above. We are no longer in the 80s.

There’s no specific “type of body” for those who go to gym, and no one here claimed that “All women want that type of body”.

And yes it is a good place for socialization, and it doesn’t take more than 3-4 hours a week, at least for me it is 1 hour for each day, 3 days a week.

You hate gyms and you prefer other activities, fine, but stop…. mansplaining others.

Excuse me? :roll:

How is that mansplaining?


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Where_am_I
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26 Jan 2023, 12:00 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I have the impression that whenever ones mentions gym here you get hostile and go on telling how there are better and “more interesting” alternatives”.

You hate gym because you still have stupid ideas about it that you are not willing to change, fine, but you are the odd one.

You're reading too much into it. I see zero hostility in Issy's posts in relation to gyms.


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26 Jan 2023, 12:03 pm

Where_am_I wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Some of you here have very outdated view on gym, stil stuck in the 70-80 eras when gyms was for roid rats of the likes of Schwarzenegger, you still have a comic idea that gym is filled with roid narcissistic guys who flex themselves in the mirrors all the time attempting to impress women…this is fictional that exists in comedy only, no one does that.

Flash news: it is no longer the case; now gyms are no more for niche roid people, they’re more of a commonplace in cities, and most attendants have average bodies and don’t take roid substances; and oh it’s no longer a sausage fest either; and there’s all sorts of exercises out there. This has been the case in the last decade at least.

As said, many of us live in very urbanic cities and not in proximity to plains/mountains/rivers, so recreational activities aren’t possible frequently in midweeks, yes surely doing things in nature may be nicer but it is not practical.

So update yourselves; and enough of this stupid “gym is for narcissist buff losers while nature sports are for interesting people” narrative .

Here some videos from my local gym, I have never seen mirror-centric people there, just normal humans:
https://www.facebook.com/gymbofitnesslb ... 4112992001
https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=3362481153978709


If you live in a city can’t you still have a bit of a home gym, or get fit by doing housework and house repairs, etc.? I’m not saying people shouldn’t go to gyms if that’s what they really want, but it just seems like an unnecessary expense of time and money. There are lots of workout videos online and it doesn’t seem like people need much equipment to be healthy. When I used to work I remember having 10,000 steps walked by 10 a.m. just cleaning my house in the morning, getting the kids off to the nanny, and being at work on my feet. No equipment at all and I was very fit even if I didn’t cycle.

It just seems like hours spent in a gym are hours that could be spent meeting people elsewhere. Unless of course you meet people at the gym. And, are you sure all women want that type of body? I wouldn’t want to date a gym man because I’d feel like I have to keep up and have a gym membership too.



You are still stuck in the old mentality, the outdated view, that I referred to above. We are no longer in the 80s.

There’s no specific “type of body” for those who go to gym, and no one here claimed that “All women want that type of body”.

And yes it is a good place for socialization, and it doesn’t take more than 3-4 hours a week, at least for me it is 1 hour for each day, 3 days a week.

You hate gyms and you prefer other activities, fine, but stop…. mansplaining others.

Excuse me? :roll:

How is that mansplaining?


Implying on others constantly how they should spend their time and what hobbies they should
do and what shouldn’t, is yes, mansplaining. ;)

All her previous posts about gyms imply the same old rhetoric:
“Gym is for narcissistic buff losers who flex on mirrors, while nature sports are for interesting people”.

It is so obvious what she had been implying. And it is simply false, and very outdated.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 26 Jan 2023, 12:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.