Scared of my own femininity

Post Reply New Topic

Hey there, everyone! So as I mentioned before, I've been exploring my gender identity and sexuality since I was 16, but unfortunately, (as with anything in life, I guess?)this has come with it's own challenges. More specifically, since I'm closeted offline so as not to shock my parents too much, I've behaved much more feminine and gender-fluid in my interactions online, probably since on sites like Discord, people can't judge your gender based on how you look. Although that might sound deceitful, I guess, to someone like me questioning their gender identity and sexuality, it's refreshing not to always have to be forced to live in man-mode, all the time. Sadly, though, it seems like when guys online read you as a girl or a Femboy, they suddenly start acting much, much creepier towards you. Like, hitting on you, DMing you without asking your permission, probably the worst incident was when some creepy guy even tried to groom me into being my sex slave. I managed to walk away from all of this, of course, which I guess should make me feel lucky, but the fact that it all just went on for a year or two of my life and I just couldn't make any of it stop at all, if felt like, just pushed me to have a complete mental and emotional breakdown!! I recovered, of course, and I left the NSFW Discord servers I was in for the sake of my own safety, sanity and mental health, but to say I haven't been left shook up would be a complete lie, on my part. Like, I do not have to worry about getting hit on or harassed that much, at all, living offline in the closet and pretending to just be a regular guy. Like, people might look over and smile at me, but that's about it. It feels like if I opened up about my femininity offline, I'd just lose all of my remaining male privilege, and based on the year or two I got hit on so much online, it makes me so scared about that permanently becoming my life offline if I ever came out of the closet, and I don't like it because I don't wanna have to choose between fully being myself and avoiding the unwanted attention of creepy men I don't even know or care about, that much, at all...

I'm inclined to reply be yourself and stay safe. There are always creepy people out there. Hopefully they are in the vast minority.

I've read 16-25 is something of a hump. Clarity may come after that. It isn't until you hit about fifty that things don't make sense anymore again.

Just out of curiosity, what if the guy hitting on you was attractive?

Definitely stay out of those discords, they sound pretty disgusting. If you are attractive, you're probably going to get hit on in IRL too, as a closeted male, or as a femboy/female/whatever-you-are.

Well, that would depend on if I found him physically attractive, too, but if we both found each other physically attractive, that would be great for me, and I would totally be down to get hit on by him, at least in that moment!! It'd also help even more if I was already friends with him, 'cause knowing how mentally and emotionally attractive he was to me would also be a big help in how much I'd be into him, too!! Of course, these are all important factors in anyone I'd be attracted, too, be they male, female, non-binary, cisgender or transgender!!

I ask because if you are feminine offline and come out of the closet, you are going to attract men regardless IF YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE. It's just something to be conscious of and not worry about too much. If you live in a gay-friendly city and you frequent gay establishments like a gay bar, men might approach you if you are their type. (not all men are into feminine guys)

It might help to start a random Reddit account and go on a friendly LGBT subreddit and post your pic and get feedback and see what kind of people you draw to you.

Wtfigafno

I'm pulling someone I think and just causing problems probably. This isn't my culture I grew up with though. I hope the people around me fix it and just faith it out.

Actually.. I'm a s**t.

I don't like someone from my former workplace for having qualities I naturally s**t upon other guys with. Im better off not stirred up romantically. Very much deserve cold beverages over my head.

I make fem and cisguys hate me for being a jock female that wants to mess with peopleromantically.

Whelp my strength is gonna defeminize those traditional concepts. There goes that. Unhappy lol