Hi. I'm unsure, does this sound like autism?

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Hi,

Hope you are all well. I'm not asking for a formal diagnosis but just wanted some opinions.

I'm 33 year old male. Currently single, university educated, got a job (not a great one but it'll do) and live alone.

The reason I'm here is because of certain behaviours of mine which I've been confronting, rather painfully, over the past year or so. Since a very early age I've been extremely absored in my own thoughts, a vivid imagination and creating fantasies often with myself involved centring around things I'm interested in (football, music). This has continued right through my life and crucially, has often involved hand flapping when I'm immersed in these fantasies. This, I believe, is a classic sign of autism? I have read online about 'Maladaptive daydreaming' and this seems to describe it perfectly.

Other things which might suggest autism in me:

- Terrible anxiety, not just socially but I feel like my nerves are on the wrong setting. I startle very easily and am very aware of my surroundings at all times. I can honestly say I don't think I've ever gone through a day fully relaxed.

Specific interests - From an early age I was an avid reader, and focused in on specific things, football, music and history. I could recite facts about football that people find amazing from a very young age.

- Repetitive thoughts. Not just the daydreaming, but repeating certain sounds from songs I've learned years ago.

- Limited food tastes. I've heard this is a sign of autism? I really only eat the food I had when I was growing up and have a strong aversion to certain foods (spice & cream).

However...I do sometimes think it may just be an anxiety disorder. Although I am socially awkward I do have a lot of friends and once comfortable with people I am very sociable. I enjoy the company of others, I just have a hard time initiating with new people. I find 'small talk' very hard but once I'm engaged with someone I can spend a lot of time with them. I feel like I have to act a lot though, I can overcompensate by being quite loud, sarcastic and even aggressive. I was quite boystrous and disruptive as a child in primary school (not something I'd associate with autism)

I am a lonely person though. I often drink to feel comfortable socially and have a very hard time expressing how I feel at times, I sometimes feel like a total alien and often wish I was somebody else. I have had romantic relationships but feel like I'm a bit 'odd' for most women. I really fear spending the rest of my life alone now. The main issues I have are being stuck in my own head, although I find sleeping well and exercising can alleviate some of the symptoms.

Sorry for the rambling. I have been to see someone who said I scored quite highly for ADHD & ASD but couldn't diagnose me. I can't afford to pay the fees for a formal diagnosis.

Appreciate any replies.

Welcome to Wrong Planet

This probably isn't what you want to hear, but the symptoms you have mentioned COULD point to Autism, ADHD, OCD, Anxiety, Depression or any number or combinations of the above. Since you can't get a formal diagnosis now, I wouldn't worry so much about the labels. There's absolutely nothing wrong with just being YOU. Self-acceptance is a good first step.

Believe it or not, there are other people out there just like you, its not always easy to find them, but its not impossible. There are people out there who will accept you just as you are - you just need to find them.

Welcome to WP!

You are correct, you can't get a formal diagnosis on Wrong Planet. I hope you have found these these two other places where you also can't get a formal diagnosis:
<=>- Autism-Spectrum Quotient Test (AQ)
<=>- Aspie Quiz ^{Registering is optional!}

After my bride and I read up on Autism we both suspected I might be Autistic but we were amateurs so we didn't really know how credible our suspicions were. It was my score on AQ that convinced me our suspicions were credible enough that it would be reasonable for me to get a formal diagnosis.

The formal diagnosis I got, at age 64, was Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1 (Mild) and I thought that was wonderful. It explained so much of what I had experienced over my lifetime.

But if you get an assessment the most important thing is to get a correct diagnosis! If a formal assessment concludes your are not on the Autism Spectrum then you can confidently look for an answer elsewhere.

Good hunting!

Napoleaninrags
From what you described, you might fit into having autism. There are several online test for Asperger's Syndrome available on the internet that can give you a quick fairly accurate assessment online.

O.K. back to your main question:
I have had romantic relationships but feel like I'm a bit 'odd' for most women. I really fear spending the rest of my life alone now.

When I was a young man 50 years ago, I came quickly to realize that I didn't understand women and dating. I went on two dates in high school, both with the same girl. I went on a few dates in college. After I graduated and got a job and earned money, I tried to find a girl to marry and raise a family with. But it just didn't work out. I finally approached the problem from a different angle. In a way I took a scientific approach. I made a list of what I wanted in a wife. It was two pages long. Then I went looking for someone who would fit that list. I did find her. She lived on the other side of the world and we did not even speak a common language. We had interpreters on each side of our communications. After a year of writing to her, I traveled to her country and after 5 weeks (of living with her and her family), I proposed to her. It took me a year to bring her to my country and we were married. We are still married almost 50 years later. And I am happy. I consider it to be one of the best decisions I ever made in my life.

I have 4 brothers. Two of my brothers followed the same route and married people from the other side of the world. The world is a simple huge world with many, many people. You may have to move mountains to take this approach but for me it was well worth it. I have two wonderful daughters (both married) and five wonderful grandchildren.

Hi. Thanks for your reply.

Yes, anxiety is the overriding thing that makes my life difficult and I'm pretty sure I'm now experiencing depression too. I've obviously got through life fairly normally up until now, it's just now as people move into the more adult stage of my life I feel like I'm being left behind somewhat. Self-acceptance is key and self-esteem.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

look for the DSM V description of autism behaviors /struggles, Read up on Lorna wing and the "diagnostic triad" of autism. Sounds like it to me. Welcome to the club!

There are ways to get evaluated at a reduced fee. For example, you could perhaps be evaluated by a student "extern" working under the supervision of a fully licensed psychotherapist. (That's how I got my diagnosis, which I could not otherwise afford.)

If you would be willing to let us know your approximate location, someone here might be able to help you find a good place to get evaluated. Don't be specific enough to endanger your privacy, but I would suggest that you tell us at least what country you are in, and, if it's a large country, your province/state/region and/or nearest major metro area.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Greetings and Welcome to WrongPlanet may you find whatever your searching for here in a serene,comfortable environment.

Simply put in this way, you definitely sound like someone who is on the autistic spectrum. You’ve marked a lot of the points I experienced and weirdly do and I’ve been diagnosed based on some of these behaviour patterns.

Do you also find that you struggle with eye contact and find you have some level of sensory issues?

Also welcome to WrongPlanet.

hi

alot of what you describe sounds like me. I went to college and have had many many many jobs. How was college for you? How was/is work life?

It was a struggle for me always. College learning wasn't a struggle. Participating socially was a struggle. Same with work. I always was at top of my class and in jobs I was always a top performer. But socializing...no. There have been periods in my life when I had some friends but come and go. Basically I've always been a loner.

Someone mentioned eye contact. That's always been a problem for me and I didn't know why until I realized that I'm autistic. This creates a very big problem in the job world, as the HR people are trained that if you do not make eye contact or have problems with it then you are not a good job candidate. I struggled with this symptom a lot going to job interviews. I've always thought it was ridiculous that they make their hiring decisions on a 30 minute interview based on eye contact and hand shake(another problem for me). At this point in my life I refuse to shake hands with anyone.

You mention your imagination and fantasizing from a young age. I too experienced this as a child and has carried over and I like it now.

At 33 I was still looking for love. I can understand what you say about drinking although I do not drink(I have in the past lightly I'll never touch it again) but I always wanted love. I've been in some relationships but I can't say I've ever found true love. Most of it was me getting used.(blinded by feelings/wanting of luv) So my fear of being alone has turned into RESPECT FOR MYSELF because no one else will. I really enjoyed NAPOLEANINRAGS story about love and sounds like he really found it!

I believe self acceptance is the most important part of this. If a doktor diagnosis is going to help with that then pay them. I mean they need the money so they can send their kids to private school and college.

I don't understand why it is so expensive to get a diagnosis or to see a doktor.$$$

Do you get a gold certificate with a diagnosis?