How do adults get in romantic relationships these days?

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nick007
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24 Jan 2023, 4:16 pm

I was gonna post this in the Things I Don't Get thread in Random section but as I was typing I thought it might be good to have a new thread here instead.

I don't get how adults these days are expected to get in romantic relationships. Lots of adults are very hesitant to get involved with fellow work colleges due to concerns about violating company policies or concerns about working together if the relationship has problems. A bit of adults have major concerns about online dating due to potentially getting catfished or hooking up with some predator who uses them for sex or worse. The pandemic made it a lot harder to meet people because lots of in person events & things switched to online, got shut down, or started having a lot less people going due to Covid concerns. Lots of adults don't do much else besides working, taking care of things around their homes, & doing things with their families. After the pandemic began, I started hearing of studies about how more adults are lonely & the rate of depression & suicide among adults is going up as a result.

I'm wondering how do adults today get in romantic relationships :?:


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The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Jan 2023, 4:34 pm

That’s fascinating, less babies in the world.


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Mikurotoro92
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24 Jan 2023, 8:33 pm

Well, I am an adult and the way I was able to get into a romantic relationship was through a referral from a family friend to become a pen pal so that is probably the EASIEST method of finding love these days!



kraftiekortie
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24 Jan 2023, 11:12 pm

I’d rather do it the old-fashioned way. Not necessarily with “dating”—but meeting people through friends, or maybe via chance encounters on public transport or whatever.



IsabellaLinton
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24 Jan 2023, 11:44 pm

By eavesdropping on a conversation and deciding to join it.

Then, extreme patience and the grace of God.



The_Face_of_Boo
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25 Jan 2023, 2:22 am

I suspect this how most heterosexual relationships start these days:

- Woman fancies a guy.
- Woman shows SUPER obvious signs to the target guy. ie. initiating texting everyday, inviting him to outings, long messages and calls… etc. Only a complete idiot wouldn’t notice.
- The guy grabs the opportunity and asks her out, some guys are so naive thinking they did “the first move” but actually didn’t.

Meaning, if no obvious interest expressed by woman, nothing happens.


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IsabellaLinton
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25 Jan 2023, 6:41 am

I think he made the first move by giving me his phone number.

I guess nothing would have happened if I didn’t text him, even though it took me five days.



Raleigh
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25 Jan 2023, 6:54 am

Plenty of Fish.


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r00tb33r
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25 Jan 2023, 7:00 am

I relate to OP. I only see people at work, but I wouldn't even think to try, to avoid a potentially awkward situation if my advances are unwanted. That job was pretty hard to get.


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Mountain Goat
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25 Jan 2023, 7:01 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I suspect this how most heterosexual relationships start these days:

- Woman fancies a guy.
- Woman shows SUPER obvious signs to the target guy. ie. initiating texting everyday, inviting him to outings, long messages and calls… etc. Only a complete idiot wouldn’t notice.
- The guy grabs the opportunity and asks her out, some guys are so naive thinking they did “the first move” but actually didn’t.

Meaning, if no obvious interest expressed by woman, nothing happens.



I am one who can often miss these obvious signs. I see the signs but am mystified as to why the young lady maybe doing that as it does not click with me why as I don't expect a lady to fancy me... So I usually do not get the hints.
(My Mum sees the hints when this happens but does not tell me until after the event which is too late for me to respond (And the few times I have picked up on what was going on I have been petrified to know what to do about it so nothing ever happened).



DuckHairback
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25 Jan 2023, 7:07 am

I don't know that there is 'a way'. But still, lots of ways.

I think that it's always been much harder to find a relationship as an adult, simply because of the reduced amount of time you have to put into it, and greatly reduced number of free agents once you get beyond your 20s.

That said, I think plenty of people get into relationships in work, despite the concerns you listed. I think a significant number probably start online, despite the concerns you listed. Covid didn't shut everything down, and many things are coming back.

I sometimes find it hard to remember that a lot of people aren't as socially awkward as me, don't freak out at the thought of having to talk to people in public places. These strange people find bars and other social gatherings to be pleasurable places where connections can be made...or so I've heard.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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25 Jan 2023, 7:33 am

Mountain Goat wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I suspect this how most heterosexual relationships start these days:

- Woman fancies a guy.
- Woman shows SUPER obvious signs to the target guy. ie. initiating texting everyday, inviting him to outings, long messages and calls… etc. Only a complete idiot wouldn’t notice.
- The guy grabs the opportunity and asks her out, some guys are so naive thinking they did “the first move” but actually didn’t.

Meaning, if no obvious interest expressed by woman, nothing happens.



I am one who can often miss these obvious signs. I see the signs but am mystified as to why the young lady maybe doing that as it does not click with me why as I don't expect a lady to fancy me... So I usually do not get the hints.
(My Mum sees the hints when this happens but does not tell me until after the event which is too late for me to respond (And the few times I have picked up on what was going on I have been petrified to know what to do about it so nothing ever happened).



By obvious signs I mean something more extreme than this, the woman would literally chase you, often online initially, keeps sending you good morning/nights every day, adding you in every social media. Trying too hard to involve you in outings together (not necessarily date, could be an outing with her and her friends).
If none of this happens **frequently** then nothing happens.

The problem tho, in this modern way, is attractive men managing to have multiple girlfriends.
Yes, I know guys who abuse this to get multiple partners. They are often the charming/handsome men because they would never say no to an interested woman unless she is very ugly in their eyes.


The future of dating is polygynous

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nick007
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26 Jan 2023, 3:39 am

Some interesting thoughts in this thread. I was asking out of curiosity. I've probably been hearing too many negative news stories about businesses getting in trouble because a higher-up had some kinda relationship with an employee or an employee was getting harassed by someone working there. Then I hear about exaggerated responses & rules preventing employees from having romantic relationships or requiring employees to inform personnel when getting in a relationship with a fellow employee. Then I hear about people getting harmed by online predators or catfished. Then I hear about people being depressed & killing themselves out of loneliness. & I start wondering WTF are people expected to do :? :x I know I'm extremely lucky to be in a romantic relationship but if I was single I would feel more depressed knowing that so many others were also majorly struggling with loneliness.



The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I suspect this how most heterosexual relationships start these days:

- Woman fancies a guy.
- Woman shows SUPER obvious signs to the target guy. ie. initiating texting everyday, inviting him to outings, long messages and calls… etc. Only a complete idiot wouldn’t notice.
- The guy grabs the opportunity and asks her out, some guys are so naive thinking they did “the first move” but actually didn’t.

Meaning, if no obvious interest expressed by woman, nothing happens.
In my experience a lot of the women were just wanting to be friends, at least that's what they told me when I made a direct move. My 1st girlfriend was the exception & she directly told me she liked me after we were friends a while. I would not have picked up on those hints otherwise & I had concerns about being in a relationship with her partly cuz of our age differences.


r00tb33r wrote:
I relate to OP. I only see people at work, but I wouldn't even think to try, to avoid a potentially awkward situation if my advances are unwanted. That job was pretty hard to get.
I did try asking out women I worked with but a bit told me they didn't want to date people from work. A couple women who didn't reject me like that were rude about it & made things more difficult for me till they quit not long after. In their defense I am extremely dense & literal about taking hints & I interpreted "I'm busy" to mean they were busy & I asked em again another time. I'm sure I had nothing to do with them quitting but I was glad they did. I was very lucky to get the jobs I had but they were federal minimum-wage type 1s. I was also on SSI at the time, living with my parents, & giving my parents some rent money only when I was working. So despite having a very good work ethic & working lots of overtime when I was allowed to, I didn't feel I needed those jobs. Having a relationship was much more important to me & a good relationship woulda been much better for my mental health than working was. I woulda been willing to quit if that meant I coulda had a relationship.


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