Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,295
Location: my own little world

29 Jan 2023, 9:55 pm

I am struggling with an issue that some of you might be able to relate to. When I am completely overwhelmed, one of the first things to go is my ability to speak and to understand abstract verbal speech. To give you an example of a situation, today, I was trying to leave ski practice. I was completely exhausted and because of my physical disability, it is very difficult for me to walk in ski boots. I was also in considerable pain because of my physical disability. A woman whom I had never met before came over to me as she saw me hobbling along and said, "It's all worth it." I had no idea what she was talking about, but I also had no energy at all to have any kind of conversation or social interaction. I am not a rude person so I tried to speak to her politely but because my verbal speech is always one of the first things to go, all I could say was, "I don't understand. I don't know what you are talking about." I also had no ability to make a welcoming of pleasing facial expression.

She said that I looked like I was having trouble, but skiing was worth it. I said, "yes, but I am disabled so I am always like this." Then she said how sorry she was that I am in pain a lot. I really had no energy at all for this conversation and I just wished that she would leave me alone and go away. But I understood that she was trying to be nice so I tried the best I could to respond nicely. Then she touched my arm. Inside, I went ballistic, but I did my best to try not to show it on the outside. But I think she must have felt that I was mortified when she touched me, and she said that she was just trying to be encouraging. So, I thanked her and fortunately she left.

But I was so drained and overwhelmed by that interaction that it literally crippled me. I was barely able to make it to my car and I almost collapsed several times even though my car was only about fifty feet away.

It is very difficult for me to constantly have to accommodate the social needs of neurotypical people, especially strangers, who have good intentions and when trying to encourage me, actually end up hurting me. But there is nothing I can do about it. And I can't say anything to them because when I am that exhausted or overwhelmed, I don't have the ability to speak in a politically correct way. So, whatever comes out of my mouth is going to sound rude to them. And then they get upset and blame me for being rude. And that accusation hurts me even more. So, it's really difficult. I wonder if any of you can relate to this.


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


Mountain Goat
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 May 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,202
Location: .

29 Jan 2023, 10:21 pm

Difficult situation. She may not be NT but appear to be but is irrelevent really.

Had some not so extreme circumstances relating to shutdowns or partial shutdowns where one can't reply when a reply is demanded or expected.

Also when burnt out, difficulty in knowing what was said in conversations when recovering from partial or full shutdowns where others did not know.
Or when going into a shutdown at an inconvenient time can get blamed for it and there is nothing I can do.
Or worse still, when fully shut down people stand on my fingers or hands as they walk past and they don't care, yet I very much feel the pain but can't react in any way as body is just about paralized and I can't talk or make a sound.

Know about sudden exhaustion after shutdown! Also worst case senario is shutting down at a hospital where medical staff assume it is a faint and go through tapping face or/and asking questions that demand answers like "What is your name? What is your date of birth?" etc which cause me multiple shutdowns which is exhausting!

But what I have is mild compared to what you are having.


_________________
.


Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

29 Jan 2023, 10:57 pm

I don't have these sorts of meltdowns, as when I am having a meltdown I can still communicate and understand people and get them to understand me, etc.

The only time I find myself in a situation like your's is when I feel really sick and trying my hardest not to throw up. I remember when I was at school, about 16, I had agonising period cramps that made me feel really sick, and I could barely talk because I thought I was going to puke. A teacher was asking if I knew my mum or dad's work numbers so she could get hold of one of them. I knew my dad's mobile number, so I nodded but couldn't tell her what it was because I was trying to concentrate hard on not throwing up. The teacher got a little impatient and said "well you either know or you don't" but I still couldn't answer. I thought she'd get the message that I was too ill to talk properly and perhaps go and check my files. The teacher was definitely NT. This proves that NTs aren't so expert on reacting correctly to everyone's behaviours like so many Aspies make it out to be.


_________________
Female


Edna3362
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,364
Location: ᜆᜄᜎᜓᜄ᜔

29 Jan 2023, 11:07 pm

Words also the first thing that leaves me too.
Mine affects both the expressive and the receptive sides of communication.

It manifests less of like being rude, but more like playing fill in the blanks and charades.
Finding words feels like diving into a disorganized clutter full of loose dictionary pages mixed with more other pages, that not only I may misinterpret what was said, I'd also make up words because I'm not patient and they're also not patient.


_________________
Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.


autisticelders
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,946
Location: Alpena MI

30 Jan 2023, 5:21 am

so frustrating!


_________________
https://oldladywithautism.blog/

"Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.” Samuel Johnson


timf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Oct 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,040

30 Jan 2023, 7:17 am

I think you did well. Being able to say that you don't understand is a very useful and honest response.

It can be helpful to have prepared statements that others can find acceptable that you can pull out when needed.

I am sorry, I really pushed myself too hard and just need to rest.

I appreciate your kind and solicitous gesture, but I have a heightened sensitivity to touch and it can be painful for me.

I apologize for abandoning many of the social niceties, but I am just focused on getting to my car so I can recover.