does human touch makes you extremely tense?

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Fairfield
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31 Jan 2023, 8:07 pm

I love when people touch me, especially gentle touch. There's a couple older ladies at work that sometimes put their hand on my back and sometimes even softly rub my back a bit when they greet me or say bye to me, and its lowkey one of my most favourite things that people do to me ever. One of my aunts does that, too. I wish people did that to me more often.

I've never really gotten a lot of physical affection even as a kid, so when anyone gives me it it feels weird (but a good weird?) because I'm not used to it. Sometimes I physically tense up because I don't know how to react, and I think some people think I don't want them to touch me because of it. I love being touched though as long as I like/am neutral about the person.



Dear_one
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01 Feb 2023, 5:40 pm

I received the bare minimum of touch as a child. Getting a haircut felt very exotic. Now, touch is the best way to reassure me that I have left that place. I much prefer cultures with hugging. Because I focus so well on touch, I have what is known in the trade as "good hands" and got great reviews and tips as a masseur with very little training.



renaeden
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01 Feb 2023, 10:52 pm

Yes, it makes me very tense. However, hair cuts don't bother me. And someone I used to work with liked to stroke my hair. That was ok too.

But a massage? Hell no. I couldn't think of anything worse. Probably because they're somewhat intimate. Any sexual touch is also a big fat no.



Dear_one
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01 Feb 2023, 11:32 pm

renaeden wrote:
Yes, it makes me very tense. However, hair cuts don't bother me. And someone I used to work with liked to stroke my hair. That was ok too.

But a massage? Hell no. I couldn't think of anything worse. Probably because they're somewhat intimate. Any sexual touch is also a big fat no.


For people who have never had a good massage, I'd like to clear a few things up. The only thing I feel intimate with when giving a massage is your muscles, and how well they are relaxing. I don't feel skin the way I would with a lover at all; it is just a flexible surface I push on. Even fat is not noticed much. I once gave a woman several full-body massages before I met her at the beach, and realized that she had a great figure.



IsabellaLinton
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01 Feb 2023, 11:52 pm

Recidivist wrote:
JimJohn wrote:
Recidivist wrote:
The last time I remember human touch making me tense was when I had a professional massage to de-stress me, the massage made me more stressed :roll:


The effect of massage on even neurotypical people can be an interesting topic. I know some people get a 90 minute massage which sounds totally unnecessary to me.

I think a person who wants a 90 minute message must not find it sensual or perhaps it is because they are female that want a longer duration. There is a point where the sensuality gets annoying and I move past it. I don’t understand how it can be enjoyed if it is not sensual. Some of it has to be automatic anatomical reflex which could be an interesting topic.

I personal don’t want a male massaging me. Then, you have straight females who don’t want a female massaging them either. And apparently, some straight males get massages from men.

To me a massage is always sensual. Apparently, for some it is not. If someone finds it sensual it eventually makes someone tense I would imagine.

I realize that may be beside the point, but there is a lot of absurdities surrounding messages even with neurotypical people. I guess with non neurotypical people there would be some variation of response similar to a neurotypical given that all humans have similarities in anatomy even if you are neurodivergent. I am sure it is different in cases of PTSD.

Perhaps, the fact that a massage for me is always sensual is neurodivergent.


Interesting post.



When I was little I loved having people draw on my back with their finger (remember that?) or play with my hair. In school we would sit on the floor for lessons and take turns drawing on the person in front of us, playing with their hair, or doing Criss-Cross Applesauce. There's a throwback. I don't remember it bothering me.

I'm not sure where the tides changed but now I don't like light touch whether it's a fly on my leg or being stroked. I like heavy contact / pressure like the weighted vests at the dentist. If I have to be hugged I want a bear hug rather than a tap on the shoulder with air kisses.

I'm one of the rare autistics who loves massage, but it has to be heavy pressure or a deep tissue massage, which actually hurts for a day or two afterward. Because of my trauma I'll only let one professional masseur touch me. I knew him before PTSD and had already established that trust. He leans his whole body weight into me sometimes, especially my glutes or my shoulder blades, but I'm still telling him to go ... harder. Sorry for the choice of words but I have very tense muscles from anxiety and my weird sleep position (face down in a 4 shape, which throws out my back and hips.) I also hate chairs so I sit in bizarre pretzel shapes and put pressure where it shouldn't be had.

I don't find my massages sensual in a sexual way. I only wear panties and a sheet over me but he only uncovers one part at a time (one leg or foot etc.), so I never feel exposed. I'm face-down for 30-40 minutes and then I flip onto my back (chest covered). He tends to talk the whole time because we have a rapport. Maybe that's a trick of the trade to keep people's imagination from wandering so they won't feel awkward. I never thought of that before but it's possible. He puts random classical music on but piano music is annoying to me so sometimes I'm thinking how much I hate the music the whole time. If it happens to be strings or nature sounds I relax more, but I have to be honest I don't find it sexual. Sensual yes, insofar as sensual means it relates to our senses, but not my sexual senses. My active senses are listening, talking, trying to breathe in the face hole especially when wearing a mask, feeling muscle tension / pain, and wishing he'd use better lotion because it soaks in so fast I feel dry by the time I get dressed.

Another thing: I'm always aware of my boobs feeling squished when I'm face down. I try to make them comfy before he comes into the room but sometimes I'm preoccupied the whole time thinking a boob doesn't feel right. It's also difficult getting my neck angled properly because he can adjust the face thing higher or lower. I think about that a lot too.

On occasion I've tried to think about sex, not with him but just in general. It doesn't really work, likely because my mind is so occupied with everything else going on.

Maybe it's different for women since we've had so many invasive procedures in gynaecology (my OBGYN is a man), and we've had to get naked for doctors most of our lives with breast exams, mammograms, etc. It seems men don't have as many of those experiences.



LaTech
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02 Feb 2023, 10:00 am

Generally speaking, I don't like people touching me.

Strangers that pat your shoulder or something bother me. Even people I've known for years can bother me if they touch me unexpectedly.

Having said that, if I'm in a relationship with someone, I like physical touch...which I really can't understand.



Fairfield
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02 Feb 2023, 9:10 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
When I was little I loved having people draw on my back with their finger (remember that?) or play with my hair. In school we would sit on the floor for lessons and take turns drawing on the person in front of us, playing with their hair, or doing Criss-Cross Applesauce. There's a throwback. I don't remember it bothering me...

Some people in my family used to draw on my back like that and I loved it, and now I love doing it to little kids in my family. They always get a kick out of trying to guess what I'm drawing.



Sad Girl
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10 Apr 2023, 11:32 pm

Yes, definitely. Especially intimacy. I feel my heart rate increase and fear set in.