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kraftiekortie
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04 Feb 2023, 4:32 am

There’s probably no perverted intent. And they’re lucky you’re a decent person. In the wrong hands, those pictures could be used for bad purposes.

People are sometimes just proud of their kids.



Highlander852456
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04 Feb 2023, 5:57 pm

Partners need to benefit each other whether its romantic or mere friendship.
I would rather invest in functioning relationship with people where both sides have something to gain, than have relations with people to merely benefit one and not the other, be it me or them taking the benefit.
Partner ship is about cooperation and I think the better cooperation the better outcome for both sides of the mutual contract.
I think people who enter relationship where one side benefits and the other does not are simply hurting and doing a sub optimal job, even of the other person is OK with being the one with short end of the stick.
Such relationships will lead to resentment eventually and it will surface as conflict in relationship.

On other hand if some one is impaired in such ways and someone is OK helping them in such ways without feeling degraded its OK and I support that.

I remember playing a game where there used to be four characters each with specialist skill and weapon. Each level posed a different kind of puzzle where each player did their part and it meant winning a level.
In much same way I view relationships.
If some were in relationship with me and they had no positive benefit and I did I would break it off, even if I had the benefit enjoyed it.
Its nothing else, but practical.

Motherly simply means to me that the person has caregiving qualities.
For example my mother dresses my father. He is fashioned impaired. They have fights over this, but its funny. :lol:



IsabellaLinton
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04 Feb 2023, 6:18 pm

r00tb33r wrote:
I know they mean well, and luckily I'm a decent guy, but that puts me in a weird position.

Yeah, for real.


8O 8O 8O

Image

That's terrifying. 8O

I'm assuming you haven't even met these children?

Even if you have, it's wrong.

I didn't tell my partner my last name or address for about two months after we met in person.
Most of that was for my kids' sake even though they were adults.
I've never posted their photos publicly or to strangers online.



Highlander852456
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04 Feb 2023, 7:17 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
r00tb33r wrote:
I know they mean well, and luckily I'm a decent guy, but that puts me in a weird position.

Yeah, for real.


8O 8O 8O

Image

That's terrifying. 8O

I'm assuming you haven't even met these children?

Even if you have, it's wrong.

I didn't tell my partner my last name or address for about two months after we met in person.
Most of that was for my kids' sake even though they were adults.
I've never posted their photos publicly or to strangers online.


Maybe females that parade their kids in front of new partners tend to think of it as being honest and giving a signal to the partner that if he wants here he also has to accept the kids.
It is technically a bad thing to do, but maybe the goal is to set expectations for the partner that he will have to deal with kids if he is to deal with her.
Or more importantly I think the female is looking for a reaction from the partner. Many guys would be gone if they see a kid, so maybe it saves time for her to just plain and simple show the kids up front, and be honest about here situation.
So maybe she just wants to see if the person is willing to accept the kids, and work on such relationship.
Concealing the fact you have kids has its rational side, but at the end of the day the partner will eventually learn you have kids and face the same dilemma like it or not.
Many females also feel like being proud of having a kid.
SO I can se rational reasons for both protecting the kids from harm, but also there is rational in having kids in relationship from get go.
After all some people might feel like you are leading them on by concealing the fact you have kids.



IsabellaLinton
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04 Feb 2023, 8:49 pm

Just to clarify, I didn't conceal anything.
He knew I had kids from the get-go.
He even saw my daughter from a distance the first day we met.

Talking about your children or responsibilities is fine.
I don't think it's safe to parade their photos around the web though.



r00tb33r
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05 Feb 2023, 1:38 am

It's just weird being a recipient. It was unexpected. Especially I'm not sure how to react.


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IsabellaLinton
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05 Feb 2023, 2:40 am

I don't want to freak you out but I'd be careful.

You don't want some psychomama coming after you in the future, saying you have pictures of her children or that you "asked for" those pictures even if you didn't. If anything ever happens to that child they can point fingers at you.

I think it's creepy af how some parents have no brains regarding their kids.



r00tb33r
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05 Feb 2023, 2:44 am

I won't be that harsh but I didn't know that was coming.

And yes, as a general case I'd be concerned. That person is pretty okay, though, in that sense, I don't expect trouble from that.


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IsabellaLinton
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05 Feb 2023, 2:54 am

Yeah, it's nothing against you.
It's about the kids' rights.
I wouldn't want my mother distributing my photo to men when I was young.
Just the thought of it makes me wanna puke.
For all they know, other men forward these pictures ... elsewhere.
Or they use them for ... I don't even wanna say.



r00tb33r
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05 Feb 2023, 10:31 pm

I think this thread went off track, I just mentioned the situation I had encountered with single mothers. Personally, I don't think it's the right thing for me. I don't know how to get into that.

There was an earlier comment about the symbiosis of partners, a mutual benefit. Even though it sounds fair and amicable, is that sort of transactional thinking the right way to go about it?


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IsabellaLinton
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05 Feb 2023, 10:42 pm

Sorry for going off-track.
My bad.

I wouldn't go so far as to say transactional, but wouldn't you agree a relationship should support both people in the ways that they need, or at least try to, without resentment?

I'm referring to emotional and practical ways rather than financial.


Image



r00tb33r
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06 Feb 2023, 6:39 am

Yeah, but can you always expect everything to be split right down the middle, taking it to an extreme?

Like, for example, dating someone poor. Should they be cast away because they lack the means to participate in the relationship functions, as opposed to helping them get there?


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TwilightPrincess
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06 Feb 2023, 10:50 pm

It’s better for each partner to provide mutual support than for one person to take on the nurturing role. Been there, done that.


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IsabellaLinton
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07 Feb 2023, 1:19 am

r00tb33r wrote:
Yeah, but can you always expect everything to be split right down the middle, taking it to an extreme?

Like, for example, dating someone poor. Should they be cast away because they lack the means to participate in the relationship functions, as opposed to helping them get there?


No, I almost never expect things to be split down the middle. Relationships aren't 50-50 because that would mean each person was only half-ways trying to support the other one, and each person would only be 50% happy.

Relationships are 100-100 or at least they endeavour to be. Your 100 might be at the cost of my 0 sometimes but I bear my 0 as sacrifice rather than resentment. Then it's your turn for 0 and I get 100. I might stop working so you can write your book. You might sell your car so I can go back to school. Ideally both people get 100 at the same time but it's the balancing act which defines commitment.

When all the 100s and 0s and back-and-forth are averaged out, it's the same as meeting in the middle.