People Seem To Be Looking Away From My Eye Contact. Why???

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I don't remember ever being too concerned with eye contact, until I learned that I am most likely an Aspie, so I'm not sure if I was good or bad at it. Now, I'm making a real effort to always look people in the eye when they talk to me. It seems to me like I'm the one causing them to be uncomfortable by making eye contact. I try not to stare at them, but I must still be doing something wrong. I was talking to an aquaintance who has tons of friends and is highly confident. When she was talking to me, she looked away almost the entire time. She seemed to be making as little eye contact with me as possible. It wasn't like I was bothering her, either. She came over and started talking to me first. She could have walked away at any time. My analytical mind is always trying to figure out what the problem is. My eyes are very large with long eyelashes. I wonder if that makes them uncomfortable -- like I'm an alien or something. My eyes are dry, so I tend to get red lines on the whites. Maybe that makes them uncomfortable. I always wear make-up. Maybe I'm wearing too much eye make-up. Strangely, it seems to be a problem I have more with other women than with men, unless you count my husband. Is there some unwritten rule that you make less eye contact with people of your own sex? What else could I be doing wrong?

I have that problem too. Either I'm not looking at the person enough, or I force myself and end up looking at them too much. Sometimes I'll try to look at them then look away every few seconds, but that feels awkward too.

I have found in my case that because eye contact isn't natural for me, I have a tendency to be too intense or look like I'm staring. I try not to but it happens frequently and I find people looking away. It is also natural, I have discovered, for people to look away every few seconds but it isn't planned. I have to time these things and I'm sure other people notice this.
It could be that is what you are doing, too. Handy hint (people generally hold eye contact for 3 to5 seconds before shifting there eyes to other things without moving there heads and it is usually that long before they re-establish the eye contact) And yes, I have timed it.

I end up looking through people or staring at an odd facial feature, which probably can be noticed by them, but nobody has ever told me so. I just wear sunglasses all the time. That way I can look wherever I want, but keep my head in the direction it is desired by other people for their own hang-ups.

I can tell you because I looked into it.

Myth: You must look at someone when they talk to you.

Not true. If you do not look away after acknowledging what a person is said, it can be viewed as a treat or a best odd.

What you need to do is just glance at them for a few seconds, to acknowledge what they have said. Also a good idea to throw in their name every now and then when responding. They haven't forgotten it; just they lie hearing it for some reason.

The duration that you will have direct eye contact differs on the situation, like romance is longer (apparently).

What you'll get used to with NTs is they often say one thing, and do something different.

Eye contact info

Could be your gaze is intense.

Could also be that you've become very aware of how other people respond and you could, possibly, be a little bit over-sensitive to their looking away? Perhaps you are perceiving it as more of an issue than it is? Just a thought....

Do you know that you are supposed to periodically look away when making eye contact? I believe what my friend told me was a quick gaze up and to the right, every few moments.

When I first started making eye contact, I too asked, "If I am supposed to be looking them in the eye, than why are they looking away while I'm making eye contact." I hadn't known that was a normal part of eye contact.

It took a little practice before I could get the hang of the "flicking." At first, it seemed like the moment I broke eye contact, I was asked what I was looking at. But it didn't take long before I got the hang of it.

I learned I needed to make eye contact last summer. In June two separate people commented on how good my eye contact was. In fact my eye contact was one of the reasons the psychologist who diagnosed me as being an aspie originally said she didn't think I appeared to be one.

I find the eye contact issue very frustrating as I am now hyper aware of my inability to do it properly.
Apart from 1 or 2 people I just cannot maintain eye contact even for a few seconds, it just makes me feel so fiercely uncomfortable.
It is funny how you don't realise you have an issue until you know about AS.

just glance at the ears, instead of the eyes. thats all you need to know

People usually initiate eye contact when one person starts to talk. It’s just a way of telling the person talking that you are listening and interested in what they have to say. After a few seconds you can look away, but you should re-initiate after any pause in the conversation just to tell the person that you are still listening. Sometimes people will pause on purpose every few seconds to make sure other people are still listening and interested. At this point you’re supposed to re-initiate eye contact as soon as the talking resumes. If you don’t it’s interpreted that you are bored or no longer interested.

It’s also good to keep your head pointed in the general direction of the person who is talking and nod occasionally even when you aren’t making eye contact. This tells them you are thinking but still engaged. Whenever you start to say something you should always re-initiate eye contact and talk directly at the other person. I have a bad habit of looking like I’m talking to the wall or floor sometimes. It’s okay to look away after you’ve been talking for a few seconds, but you always have to re-initiate after any kind of pause and you shouldn’t talk for more than 20-30 seconds straight without having a pause to make sure people are still paying attention.

Not sure if this is completely correct or universal. It’s just what I observe and probably varies somewhat. There are some NT people who never break eye contact, but I find it uncomfortable. The majority seem to look away after a few seconds and then resume after a pause like I discussed above.