my mum has died.dont know how to feel

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i was never close to my mum only as a small child but she kicked me out at 17 and didnt care where i went i just had to fend for myself (which in my case was drugs and alcohol and sex)

she has died of old age but i never went to see her much and she didnt like my son even tho it wasnt his fault he was born

so no real relationship there

i dont feel sad but then again i find it hard to feel or understand emotions so im not sure if im feeling sad without realising it or if i really dont care after how she treated me and my son

i suppose she was the woman that gave birth to me and brought me up so i should be thankful for that but she always preferred my nt sister -- who is devastated because shes mummys girl

Is difficult because you may feel guilty if you are not sad but you also feel like you should be sad but feel neutral.

You will in time remember the good memories but it does take time... I know there are not so good memories as well. Do not worry. All is ok.

I could write about my experiences when my Dad died but you need to concentrate on you. What I will say is that however difficult the past was, there is still a gap and a wonder why things change...

We then realize how big God is and how small we are in the element of time that is our life and how we don't have the answers. All we can do is the best with what we have got and keep going.

My grandmother died recently, and I was not sad. It was sort of a similar situation.

Anyway, it’s perfectly okay not to be stricken with emotion. I mourned for the relationship I didn’t have years ago. When she died, there was no emotion left to give.

Processing loss happens at different rates for everyone. There is no "right" way to do it. The process will happen at its own pace regardless.
I'm sorry for your loss.

I can appreciate that. Emotions can be so damn tricky. What are they? Are they even there? It can be hard to impossible to pick all that apart.

I agree with what has been said, there is no right or wrong way to do emotions. You'll feel what you feel or you won't feel what you won't. Any which way it goes is fine.

Hope you can find ways to take care of you during this.

It may be that you have already mourned the loss of your mother (after she kicked you out).  This seems to happen a lot to people who were estranged from their parents at an early age.

Still, I am sorry for your loss.

Not every family relationship is a good one.
Such is life.

Bearing in mind my own relationship with my 91 year old mother… I totally get where you’re coming from. Sometimes I feel guilty that I don’t feel more.

My mother died a month ago. It was a mixed bag. Sometimes, I mourn her slightly; other times, there’s not much feeling at all.

I extend my condolences.

Never let anybody tell you how to react to her death.

It’s understandable that you don’t feel mournful for her. She threw you out. But at least you made it out of drugs and alcohol, and did well for yourself.

She was distant to you, despite being your mother. I guess it's normal that her death doesn't cause a significant emotional disruption.

It would likely be different if she had been a recent part of your life.

i lost my dad years ago when my son was 5 and i was closer to my dad and he was the one who got me away from the horrible life and helped me get help and take driving lessons and become the person i am today

but he died of a terminal illness he had and i didnt cry when i was told he died but maybe because i knew he was going to die anyway

but i don't really feel some emotions much only anger or panic but i struggle to feel sadness or depression

Not quite the same but both my grandparents on my dads side died receently. But I don't really care because I never really ever developed any close relationship with them. So I was sad to hear of their passing but it did not cause me to grieve or anything. I barely knew them I was sadder about my sisters french bulldog dying and one of the cats my mom had but I suppose I just had a closer relationship with those animals than my grandparents on my dads side.

Still sometimes I wonder i there is something wrong with me for so far caring more about pet deaths than human family members that die.

This may be simply genetics.
We are what we are.
No harm...
No foul...

Pets are ppl too.

When my dad died I wasn't really sad, just shocked. I could barely concentrate. I was also very repellent against anyone expressing their condolences or trying to touch me. I just wanted to be left alone and follow my routine. I didn't want any more disruption of my day, as it was already stressful enough.

Though I was kinda angry, because the hospital threw him out after he was caught leaving the hospital to buy a beer. He was there for a prostate surgery. A week after they threw him out he had a stroke and was sent home again with a drip-feed. He couldn't speak or walk anymore. Then he kept pulling out the drip-feed because he didn't want to live like that. So he died.

So I was angry at the hospital and blamed them for his death. Not really sad. When women whom I loved broke up with me after a long relationship, that had a much more severe effect on me (which is why I stayed away from relationships for decades).

There's no need for you to be thankful for being born. You didn't ask for it - it was her decision to have a child. There's no need to be thankful for her bringing you up either - that was her responsibility. Keeping the child alive that she chose to have was the absolute minimum she could do, and from the sounds of it she could have done a lot more for you that perhaps she didn't.

There are people I've known who have died, some I was sad to lose, some I was glad to see the back of. There are people in my life today who I'd be heartbroken to lose. There are others without whom I'd probably be happier and even safer in some cases. All relationships are different and all people deal with death and/or loss in their own ways. Parents are especially important people in our lives because of the connection between parent and child. For a not insignificant portion of our lives, we rely on them for every need we have. That's why they can be the best and most loved people in our lives, or even the worst, most dangerous and damaging. It's different for everyone.

Whatever you feel is fine, there's no obligation to respond to her death in a certain way just because she was your mother. I'm sorry she wasn't better for you. It does sound like you're doing okay without her. It isn't easy to be okay when a parent rejects us and I think you'd have every right to feel pride in how well you've done despite that rejection.

I wish you peace and happiness.