Conversations vs Disagreements

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babybird
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25 Feb 2023, 12:36 pm

I have a similar thing happen to me in real life. I tend to say what's in my mind and I don't mean offence but some people like to take offence. Most of the time I'm only joking but not everyone shares my humour so it's a cross I have to bear.

I'm a lot quieter online because I just come here to play the games mainly and have a break. Plus online I am a bit more considerate because I can't see the people who are reading so I don't wanna run the risk of causing offence when I don't have a feel of the people who might take offence.


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Joe90
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25 Feb 2023, 12:58 pm

I think I express here what I filter out offline. Also social instincts feel easier when interacting offline, because I can pick up on body language and mood and emotions and everything so it sort of dictates what I say. Online it's more like an itching, impulsive urge to say something, even if there's a little voice inside my head saying ''please don't post that''. It's like as soon as I'm on my phone on WP an angel and a devil appear on my shoulders, the angel saying ''please don't post that'' and the devil saying ''go on, post it, it must be out in the open!'' I tend to listen to the devil.

Online addictions are a thing. It's like when my dad was into online gambling. He knew he didn't have the money but he had a nagging urge to gamble anyway, and when he lost lots of money he got frustrated with himself even though he was smart enough to know that would happen. That's the same with me on WP. It's that nagging urge that's so difficult to resist. But if I was that much of a bad, offensive user here then surely I would have been banned long ago. I have been here for 13 years. That's a long time.


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babybird
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25 Feb 2023, 1:04 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I think I express here what I filter out offline. Also social instincts feel easier when interacting offline, because I can pick up on body language and mood and emotions and everything so it sort of dictates what I say. Online it's more like an itching, impulsive urge to say something


That's exactly the way I am offline. I love to see the facial expressions and the body language of people and it just makes it all the more exciting to me to say things that I'll get a reaction for. I just don't get the same thrill from it online. It's like talking to someone from behind a curtain.

Plus I like instant gratification and online just takes too long sometimes.


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Jakki
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25 Feb 2023, 2:22 pm

Love the above word concept . the "Paragon of Veracity"
In the beginning OP the discussion , seems to indicate your are looking to differentiate about peoples intent in discussions . Debates arguements etc. Perhaps issues of gender differences lends towards men raised with the concepts of being providers very often. Then given that POV they might consider their opinion to be more revolent in most discussions .And often men cannot get the POV of a woman having had to be in such a role for extended periods of time. Then for a woman to get to that point in their lives there usually has been much experiences that are specific to women being in that provider role. Giving most women to have gotten to that place , Have had to endure , very often, Things that can be trauma inducing , potential PTSD situations . And all the triggers that any person might have to deal with from those experiences . So frames of reference are different . So obviously disagreements might come up in discussions . Different Perceptions of different situations . Some peoples perceptions might be coming from a far richer source of Experiences . :nerdy: . But often people will not give creedence to this fact. So the thing i have issue with is more that people involved in such discussions / arguements , dissagreements . Possibly need to understand that there is an exchange of information . Experience , verifiable knowledge . If those things can be conveinently conveyed . Or not ? depending on whether not both parties see such interactions as a exchange of info. Hopefully productive rather than a outright debate. Occassionally debate can reveal previously unrecognized ideas. (In a ideal engagement .) So depending on the level of understanding of both individuals . There could be growth through understanding . Sorry to say often peoples previous interactions in their lives will dictate how they might approach these discussions( engagements). And how they can recieve information. Often i have disengaged people based of my own. perceptions of the others experience might not be allowing for inclusivity of ideas .
Hope this post will be recieved well . :heart:


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Pepe
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25 Feb 2023, 9:14 pm

Joe90 wrote:
FleaOfTheChill wrote:
A lot of times it's the very things that people do not directly say that seem to hold the most weight in conversations for them


Yes, this is true for me. I tend to think that people here are doing that. And people here have done that before.
I remember a few years ago a member (they left ages ago) wrote a thread about how much they hated this site. I knew I had had a little disagreement with them because they'd criticised me in one of my threads about a personal problem of mine. So I said that I hoped I wasn't responsible for hating the site, and they exploded at me "YOU'RE THE EXACT REASON THIS SITE IS TOXIC" then hurled a load of verbal abuse at me, swearing and all. Ever since then I've always been paranoid that people are cryptically talking about me.


You ARE a monster! 8O
Another joke, Joe. :mrgreen:



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25 Feb 2023, 9:17 pm

FleaOfTheChill wrote:
Pepe wrote:
I am not talking about posts in this thread, but there is sometimes an "entire world" of meaning "written between the lines", and is often due to the history of the ppl involved in the interaction.
To an unenlightened observer, the "secret" communication process is invisible. 8)


Yep. That sort of thing is, 99 out of 100 times, going to fly right past me. Other people seem to pick up on those subliminal messages, even if they don't get the meaning, but I won't even know it's happening unless someone tells me. The people talking in that 'secret code' have to be really obvious about it for me to catch it, sharing a laugh and passing what seems to be unrelated words out of nowhere might clue me in, but not much less than that. That makes sense to me though, people share history and develop those secret languages because of it. I've done that with people before...have those moments where the two of us are the only ones who understand a thing in a group of people. I've found interactions like those to be less damage causing though and more two people who have an established relationship sharing a harmless moment between themselves. On the rare occasions I do pick up on those things happening, I find it rather charming and my clueless self will be happy for them.


This type of "secret coding" happens between both friends AND foes.
Keep that in mind. :wink:



Pepe
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25 Feb 2023, 9:23 pm

Joe90 wrote:
babybird wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
FleaOfTheChill wrote:
A lot of times it's the very things that people do not directly say that seem to hold the most weight in conversations for them


Yes, this is true for me. I tend to think that people here are doing that. And people here have done that before.
I remember a few years ago a member (they left ages ago) wrote a thread about how much they hated this site. I knew I had had a little disagreement with them because they'd criticised me in one of my threads about a personal problem of mine. So I said that I hoped I wasn't responsible for hating the site, and they exploded at me "YOU'RE THE EXACT REASON THIS SITE IS TOXIC" then hurled a load of verbal abuse at me, swearing and all. Ever since then I've always been paranoid that people are cryptically talking about me.


Yeah you seem to create a lot of negative attention for some reason. I've noticed this about you. I don't think you do purposely invite it though.

I try to stay away from drama on here. So I'm not gonna get too involved.


I don't really cause it but I do find myself in the middle of it and not sure how to get myself out of it. It's not really my personality though, and it doesn't happen on Facebook. Just here. Maybe I don't get along with other Aspies.

In this thread I did say sorry to Isabellalinton and admitted I made a mistake and I wanted to move on, but other people carried it on. Then the more people carry it on the more I will become paranoid when such behaviours are discussed in other threads.


Let's crucify that bad, bad, skunk! :twisted:
You guessed it, another harmless joke. :mrgreen:



Pepe
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25 Feb 2023, 9:26 pm

babybird wrote:
I have a similar thing happen to me in real life. I tend to say what's in my mind and I don't mean offence but some people like to take offence. Most of the time I'm only joking but not everyone shares my humour so it's a cross I have to bear.

I'm a lot quieter online because I just come here to play the games mainly and have a break. Plus online I am a bit more considerate because I can't see the people who are reading so I don't wanna run the risk of causing offence when I don't have a feel of the people who might take offence.


It NEVER happens to me...
Never EVER.
Not to this harmless little skunk... :P <being ironic here> :mrgreen:



Pepe
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25 Feb 2023, 9:34 pm

Joe90 wrote:
It's like as soon as I'm on my phone on WP an angel and a devil appear on my shoulders, the angel saying ''please don't post that'' and the devil saying ''go on, post it, it must be out in the open!'' I tend to listen to the devil.


Good...
Bwahahahahaha!



Cafeaulait
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30 May 2023, 1:23 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
We really (in general) have to learn to respect each other more.

Thumbs up!



TwilightPrincess
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30 May 2023, 2:10 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
We really (in general) have to learn to respect each other more.

Thumbs up!

People certainly need to respect each other more. Respect, kompassion, and basic human decency seem to be too much to expect from some people (who shall remain nameless).


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