Have you ever come across these sorts of people?

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Joe90
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22 Feb 2023, 8:58 am

Not saying they're bad people, and I do wish I was one of them.

I remember at college there was this rather loud girl who could say anything she wanted and everyone will listen agreeingly or laugh at her jokes. Like one time in class we were all looking for jobs on the internet and I heard her thinking out loud to herself, talking to nobody in particular, just yelling at the computer screen "I'm obviously looking for a job in England, I'm not going to travel to France every day, am I?!" (presumably ranting aloud about a question on a search filter asking which country she wanted a job in or something). I found it funny the way she said it, and a few other people in the room laughed too.
But I know that if I had of talked loudly to the computer screen and to no humans in particular, other people would be like "are you talking to yourself?" or even "oh, shut up, Joe90!"
But this girl was always doing it and it was just accepted.

There were a few people like this at school as well. And now at work. I do envy those sorts of people. It must be so nice to be able to yell out what's on your mind and everybody still respects you, or if they do get annoyed with you they would never call you out on it because of how much they like you.

It reminds me of a moment in a Simpsons episode, where a drunk Barney dresses up as Marge, and Homer goes to tell her that she's making a fool of herself but as soon as he realises it's Barney he changes his tone and says "aw, it's just Barney".
That's the sort of thing I see happen all the time.

Disclaimer: I'm talking about offline life, nothing to do with this site.


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Edna3362
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22 Feb 2023, 10:32 am

... Me.
This is me in real life.
Particularly if I'm in a mood to be. Did it in the classrooms, in varying meetings, at work, 'elsewhere'...

And I kept doing it on impulse, so I'm not entirely sure how it came to be except timing and some other underlying factor that makes it appropriate to a person or a group of people.

If I came across someone else who does the same, it's my mom.

Maybe I got it from her.

But otherwise -- these people are either the party like leader of some cliche, the 'exception' (people who know how to 'establish social rep and make others play a certain dynamic', which I fall under), and then there are those who actually knows how to catch vibes and ride it; typically, a shameless but a socially smart enough extrovert to take it.
I do catch them, but don't consciously 'catch' those myself.

Also sure, this can be easily read as being ' hey! I'm more important than you all so I'm taking the spotlight! '.

But sometimes it's perplexing.

I have 'charm' yes, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm autistic -- I also still don't know 'how' to control it.

People go quiet when it's my turn to speak and pay attention to me.
Then tries to fit whatever the heck I blurted into a favorable interpretation. It's like some very forgiving misunderstanding. Happened too often enough that I don't need to conclude that a particular set of people are just that 'forgiving'.

Also no, I don't envy them.
(Why did I say 'them' when I am one of 'them'???)
Why? Their lives, I am sure, are not as 'perfect' as those moments you saw.

But sure.
Online as well IF this were a chatroom than a forum. I'm usually the one who makes a lot of noise. :|
But that's because I'm fricking bored. :lol:


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Last edited by Edna3362 on 22 Feb 2023, 10:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

DuckHairback
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22 Feb 2023, 10:41 am

Yes absolutely. Some people just seem to be the bees knees don't they? They have charm and charisma and the confidence to get away with stuff most of us just couldn't.

I've known a couple of people through work like this. They are often promoted beyond their talent, I think, because people just respond well to them and want to please them.

There was a guy I used to know at work. He was beautiful, physically. Most of the women around thought so. But he would say the most disgusting stuff and it would be funny. If I said it, it would just be disgusting and weird.

I've wondered what it must be like to go through life like that. There must be a thousand little things that happen, that would be easier for those people, than for the rest of us. They get more offers of help, more kindnesses, doors open a little easier for them.

I imagine over a lifetime you'd end up with a much more positive impression of the world and the people around you. Maybe it's self perpetuating?

Or maybe we shouldn't assume anything. Maybe they are wreaked with inner turmoil, battling inferiority complexes and imposter syndromes like the rest of us. I do wonder though.


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Joe90
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22 Feb 2023, 10:44 am

I like those sorts of people, but I do envy the attention they receive. I'm quite loud but I do sometimes find myself masking my hyperactivity and extrovert personality when around people (except for family) because I fear I'm going to get the dreaded Words Of Social Rejection said to me, like "I wasn't talking to you", "stop following me" (this one is only expressed non-verbally), and "shh/shut up" and "stop complaining". But some people can whine, criticise, be in your face, and butt in constantly, and it's always OK. I wish I was one of those people. I tried to be like it before to try and fit in and be heard but I failed miserably. That's where the cliché "just be yourself" actually becomes valid.

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But sure.
Online as well IF this were a chatroom than a forum. I'm usually the one who makes a lot of noise. :|
But that's because I'm fricking bored


Oh yes, I flap my jaw more online. :lol:


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funeralxempire
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22 Feb 2023, 12:33 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Not saying they're bad people, and I do wish I was one of them.

I remember at college there was this rather loud girl who could say anything she wanted and everyone will listen agreeingly or laugh at her jokes. Like one time in class we were all looking for jobs on the internet and I heard her thinking out loud to herself, talking to nobody in particular, just yelling at the computer screen "I'm obviously looking for a job in England, I'm not going to travel to France every day, am I?!" (presumably ranting aloud about a question on a search filter asking which country she wanted a job in or something). I found it funny the way she said it, and a few other people in the room laughed too.
But I know that if I had of talked loudly to the computer screen and to no humans in particular, other people would be like "are you talking to yourself?" or even "oh, shut up, Joe90!"
But this girl was always doing it and it was just accepted.


I do this a lot.
Part of what makes it acceptable is that, if you're consistently doing it people eventually have to accept that's just how you roll.

One has to either have the lack of self-awareness to not notice or the confidence to not care when it might lead to negative judgments.


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babybird
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22 Feb 2023, 12:39 pm

I do it all the time. I know not everybody does but it's quite common.

I was in aldi one time and there was a lady next to me in the soup aisle and we were both doing it.

Then all of a sudden we clocked each other and started laughing.

I said something like: check us out talking to the soup.


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klanka
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22 Feb 2023, 2:07 pm

I can be the person described in the first post or the one you described, getting those rejection sentences.
Depends what group I'm in.

That's one of those strange things in life where the people around you influence your behaviour.



funeralxempire
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22 Feb 2023, 2:25 pm

klanka wrote:
I can be the person described in the first post or the one you described, getting those rejection sentences.
Depends what group I'm in.


Very much this as well. Different sets of people, different norms. Some can be more accepting of what others might consider excessive weirdness.


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Joe90
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22 Feb 2023, 4:05 pm

I was quite surprised at the results in this thread, as I thought that being on the spectrum often makes NTs treat you differently.


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klanka
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22 Feb 2023, 4:23 pm

I can only be that person around others with ASD I think.
I do get treated differently by nt's



funeralxempire
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22 Feb 2023, 4:55 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I was quite surprised at the results in this thread, as I thought that being on the spectrum often makes NTs treat you differently.


At times it seems like being ASD+ADD leads to different treatment both among NTs and among a portion of people with ASD.

But at the same time, lots of people who are more inhibited look at uninhibited people with some jealousy. Sometimes jealousy leads to judgment, but other times people appreciate you doing what they wish they could (embracing your own eccentricities/weirdness). Sometimes you even influence other people towards being less inhibited.


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