Trying to figure out what is next?

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Hello.

I am about to turn 50 and realised this year that I am autistic.

I’ve wondered about it in the past as I have significant facial blindness and really struggle to recognise people or put names to faces. I’m married with kids, but find it hard to make friends. I have a successful career and am confident in my area of expertise but still struggle in social situations. It’s got worse over time instead of better, because I think people expect more from you as you get older.

I’m really good at reading other people, which confused me as I always thought autism meant I would struggle to understand emotion. But I’ve realised that I do this very consciously. I observe and, through experience, have figured out what others are feeling.

My own emotions are confusing and people find me very hard to read because I hold it all in.

My eldest son is 21 this year and has very similar issues. It all fell into place when we started talking about it.

I’ve done online tests which are pretty definite, but i haven’t sought a diagnosis because I am not sure what benefit that will bring.

Finally figuring it out is a bit of a shocker if I am honest. I felt really guilty for a few months. As if I had tricked my wife into marrying me. But I genuinely didn’t know. I’ve only ever known how I think and until recently I assumed everyone else was the same. Turns out they really are not.

I feel like normal people are connected with some sort of invisible telepathy where they somehow know what they are all thinking, but I have to work it out logically.

Weird times.

I’m hoping it will help to talk to people who are a bit like me.

So here I am!

Welcome to WP! I hope you find some interesting conversations here.

Some people need a formal diagnosis because they need treatment or accommodations. That does not sound like an issue for you...

...as it wasn't an issue for me. It was even less of an issue for me because I was 64 and comfortably retired when I found out I was Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1 (Mild). In my case, as in your case, it is a matter of personal preference whether or not to seek a formal Adult Autism Assessment.

In my case I was not completely sure I was on the Spectrum. I figured I was close to the mild end of the Spectrum but I was unsure whether I was almost on the Spectrum or just barely on the Spectrum. I wanted an assessment to resolve that doubt...so I knew exactly how to characterize it if I told someone else.

Note that "almost on the Spectrum" is a possible diagnosis (though not exactly in those words...maybe someone else will wander in with the correct terminology). Another complication is that many Autism traits are also present in other "conditions"; for instance, someone with very strong ADHD might be mistaken for being Autistic.

If you are sure, though, then you are sure. And making it "official" is purely a matter of personal preference.

I will offer one observation: With or without the diagnosis you are the same you. People probably already think you are odd and the diagnosis doesn't change that much (though it might be good conversation fodder).

But, welcome to WP!

Thank you. I’m still thinking it all through really.

This realisation has allowed me to have some really helpful conversations with my wife and kids. Things are also falling into place about the reasons why I’ve never got any better at certain things.

I’ve nothing much to complain about as I can get by OK in daily life. In fact the way I think is an advantage in many ways. Unfortunately in other ways it’s a bit useless

I think at some point that I want to be open about it and I feel like no one will believe me without a diagnosis. I’m just not sure I’m ready for all that yet.

Lots to figure out!

But apparently not a lot to worry about!

You've been successfully muddling through life. People undoubtedly already think you're odd.

Oh! Wait a second! I just remembered my favorite thing about having a formal diagnosis!

When my bride bumps up against one of my Autism traits I can say:

<=>I have a doctor's note for that!

P.S. I enjoy that more than she does.

I guess it’s a shock to finally accept that I am a bit ‘odd’. I’ve spent a the last 40 years pretending otherwise, mostly to myself

The main ‘worry’ I have is probably for my son.

He understands himself much better than I did at his age, which I think will help him, but I know he is going to have some challenges as he enters adulthood and work.

welcome! Learning of our autism, especially later in life comes as "culture shock". Everything looks different from our new perspective. The longer we have lived without diagnosis, the more we have to examine and pick apart. For me it was a huge relief to understand my painful past and all the "whys". Almost every painful incident in my life was answered when I learned about autism and began to see how it had worked in my life all those years. Amazing! Do give yourself time to sort it all out, do your best self care, have patience and forgiveness for your self and others, and be reassured that it won't be as confusing and painful after a while. There is just so much to sort!
I was so happy to learn there are others "like me" who have had similar experiences and who actually understood.
We are not alone! The insights and suggestions of others who have gone through similar situations and experiences can help so much. You are in exactly the right place. Glad you are with us.

"invisible telepathy", that is a nice feature to have.

First off, Welcome to Wrong Planet.

Now I never developed that trait. It is all in eye-to-eye contact. I do not look people directly into their eyes. I look a little off to one side. In general the ability to perform eye to eye contact is an NT trait. NTs when they begin to become adults automatically pick up this trait and use it to automatically determine whether someone is lying or not.

But it is a false assessment. As a result most NTs interpret what I say and do FALSELY.

You wrote: I've nothing much to complain about as I can get by OK in daily life. In fact the way I think is an advantage in many ways. Unfortunately in other ways it’s a bit useless

Everyone has strong points and weak points +s and -s. But Aspies have a different configuration. Some of us are ++ and --. And some of us are right off the scale. We have +++++ and -----. The secret for Aspies is to use their +s to overcome their -s.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!