I need some practical and legal help

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I don't know if this is the right forum for this...

I've actually needed legal help since 2001 but haven't been able to get it... That's when I split up with my ex-wife. We were living in Orlando and when she kicked me out and I was having a really difficult time finding work there I decided to drive 4hrs south to Ft Lauderdale where there's more tech work. The car lost the transmission the minute I pulled off of the freeway and I couldn't afford to get it replaced. I got a tech-support job for $9/hr and a week later I got the summons to appear in court for the child-support hearing. My wife appeared at court with her attorney. The judge broke the law by denying me my right to appear in court. When the clerk told him I was to appear by phone because I was 4hrs away with no vehicle, no money for bus fare and no time off work even if I had bus fare, he said "we don't do that here". My wife's attorney had also managed to get a statement from my former boss, who lied to the court and said I'd "abandoned" the job, which is untrue because when I called to let them know I'd been kicked out and needed a to find a place to sleep before coming in to the office, he fired me. The child support was then awarded on the basis of a salary I've never consistently earned - $40k/yr minimum. It's true the job I had before I was kicked out and fired was a $40k job -- which I'd had for about 2 months... and during no year before or since up until 2005 did I ever earn $40k for the whole year. Some of it is because of companies going out of business via dot-com syndrome and some is because I got fired a lot and looking back, frequently for reasons related to AS.

I only learned about AS a little over a month ago and have been researching it since then. I have an appointment with the local MHMR office on Tuesday next week.

The big problem however is that since the child support is based on money I've never had, I've never been able to pay it. My average total income (including contract work) from late 2000 when we split up until now has been $25k. They suspended my driver's license for non-payment in 2001 or 2002 when the arrearage was only $40k and told me then that they wouldn't be able to let me have it back for any less than a 75% lump sum payment ($30k laying around, like yeah, that's just pocket change, I'll just make a withdrawal from my Keogh). Unfortunately the state's policy is to ignore any requests for modification of the child support if you've been fired under the assumption that it's a ploy on the father's part to screw the mother by finding an income source under the table and not paying support. Arrearage is now $70k. Several months ago I was arrested for driving with a suspended license and spent the night in jail. So the short story is it's illegal for me to be poor. I wouldn't even mind being poor if I could survive. I'd even be willing to pay child support -- whatever I could afford. But in August when I was fired again (related to AS again, and again, before I knew about AS) after just 2 months on a new job here in Austin, I was seriously thinking about killing myself. Although I'm better now, in order for me to get better I had to stop programming computers for a while and I sold my car after I spent the night in jail for driving it. And up to shortly before hearing about AS I wasn't able to even think about pursuing more programming work (even on contract) without becoming violently angry because of my experiences in the past.

I've been wracking my brain trying to find any and every way I possibly could to generate alternate sources of income, including a fairly large CafePress inventory that's still being run at a loss in spite of spending nearly 24-7 trying to find ways to market it and in spite of the fact that I get complements on the art and comic strips all the time. This past month I worked at a gas station for $8.25/hr and partly because of the child-support garnishment, which brought my hourly wage down to about $3.50/hr I'm now $700 behind on my rent and utilities and need a minimum of $1300 by the 1st to keep myself from being evicted. At the gas station I was only going to have $65/month to cover all my utilities and food and certainly wasn't going to help me pay back what I owe on rent or utilities in any way. When they started garnishing my check from the station I called the Attorney General's office and the girl told me it would take six months for them to review my case -- which is long enough to get evicted twice. I've applied for "emergency" food stamps and was supposed to hear back within 24 hrs but because of a clerical error on their part, they put it off 'till the 10th then didn't call me on the 10th and then hung up on me when I called to ask about my case earlier today.

I'm really literally at the end of my rope. I've been grasping at straws trying to find ANY way to change my circumstances for months-to-years without success. The longer it's gone on, the more things I try, like the CafePress store and advertising myself as an illustrator and advertising the cafepress store in free classifieds in alt newspapers, etc. etc. etc. and have yet to see as much as $1 from any of my attempts at alternate sources of income. I'm grasping at straws. I always have been ... and I need some of them to work before I'm out on the street or worse...

Could you try talking to your wife about being more reasonable about the situation regarding child support as surely she is aware of your true earning status?

Also in UK there is an organisation for fathers regarding child support and access, don't know if there is the same in the US.

Thanks alexbeetle ... something I neglected to mention in the original post.

According to my ex-wife, she's attempted to officially forgive the debt, but that when she called the Attorney General's office to inquire about it they told her she wasn't allowed to do that, treated her badly and ended the call. She says they won't allow her to forgive any of the debt because she's received government aid since we split. My problem with that (if it's true), is that I know she received the $170 from my last paycheck, which wouldn't have happened if they were going to take any more out of the child-support to pay the state back for their TANF. Which means if she's telling the truth, what they're saying is "because you've needed government aid in the past, even though it's all been paid off, we're going to insist on maintaining his $70k+ debt and the current award ($1800/mo) just in case you need it again in the future" - as opposed to a rational decision like "we'll let you forgive the debt and reduce the award now and if you need government aid in the future, we'll add the amount you need back to his arrearage".

Actually, the state may just be charging you. 30 years ago, when it was a lot easier for a woman to go on WIC/welfare, they didn't go after men for child support right away. The state paid the welfare and then if they happened to find the deadbeat dad, they charged him with back (retro) payments that went to the state, not the child (wife). It sounds like Florida is giving your ex money and then taking your child support for themselves.

The only thing I can think of is to get some legal help in the form of a family lawyer. You need to be closer to your kids and be able to attend court hearings. YOu need to prove your income and why it's so low.

It sounds like your wife (or her lawyer) lied to the court and really screwed you. You can't lose your home and still have to pay so much. Does she still live in your house? Doesn't your financial situation warrant a realistic perspective? Did she have a legal reason to kick you out? Does she work? Are you sure you make more than her? Do you not want to take care of your kids? I mean, if you can't find meaningful work, you may be better off keeping house and caring for your kids and she can pay the child support.
It just sounds very old fashioned to me.

It's the state of TX at this point. Since then she moved back to Dallas and stayed with her folks for a bit before getting an apartment and then I managed to find a job in Dallas and moved back, the company got bought out by someone who didn't want the projects I was working on so they let me and a bunch of other people go, I got some contract work but after a year couldn't find enough work to keep me in Dallas. Then I went back to Florida for another job then to Virginia and I'm now in Austin following another job. In my experience jobs that consider offering me even considerably less than what the average person with my experience earn are almost never located in the same city / metro area when I'm looking for work. Usually when I'm offered a job, it's half-way across the country. And then I have to haggle like hell to get them to offer any kind of relocation assistance because I'm never in a position to pay to move myself due to lack of savings. It's gotten me to where I am now which is ... maybe worse than where I started.



As far as I know there hasn't been a court hearing in over 5 years. All of it's been based on the 2 hearings that occurred in the beginning -- there was a 2nd hearing about 6 months or so later where I appeared by myself and the prosecuting attorney (for the state of FL, not my wife's attorney who was no longer working for her because she ran out of money to pay for her), was pushing to try and make things much worse for me (that's his job apparently). At the time I didn't really realize how screwed up it had all been from the beginning and I had just started another programming job and it was only my 4th permanent programming job and I thought it would be enough and that I'd be able to get out from under the arrearage. I got fired a few months later. From a company where a guy who sat right next to me (no cubicles) who had no prior technical background and spent a half day downloading and playing pornographic Christmas carols out loud in the office was making $10k more than me and then got a $10k raise after I was fired for "poor work quality" which was a crock, but they didn't feel they could get away with saying they were firing me because they didn't like me. I worked with someone else a few years later who had just come from that company and confirmed much of what I felt about the company - that they take advantage of their programmers. Basically every "permanent" job I've started has in my mind been hope for the future, that I could keep it, that there would be security in the job, that I would be paid based on my experience (DOE), until that hope was later destroyed.

Over the years I've periodically looked for attorneys. I've never been able to find one willing to take my case for what I could pay them (pro bono). And I've never heard a success story from anyone in my position. I used to go to meetings with a group called Dads of Florida when I was in Ft Lauderdale and the only thing I remember ever hearing about the attorneys there were horror stories about guys who's attorneys took their money and didn't do anything. Or who were paying huge sums of money that I couldn't fathom to fight ongoing legal battles with very expensive attorneys -- which wasn't going to happen for me -- I'd have maybe been able to afford a consultation with one of those guys, but beyond that I'd have been SOL.



Yeah, nearly 7 years ago now.



We've never owned a house. Never had good enough credit or enough money to start paying on a house.



I think so.



It's a really long story. I don't believe I did anything that would have given her a legal right to eject me from the house no. At the time she was yelling like an air-raid siren and I don't know if I was thinking very clearly.



She's working now. She's mostly not worked since we split up although she went back to school to get a CAD certification.



Before now I have... but she only started her current job about 2 months ago.



It would be a cold day in hell before she'd allow that. Having and raising children has been one of her biggest dreams since she was young. And my understanding is that child support isn't really supposed to pay for the spouse (rent, mortgage, food, whatever)... i.e. if you need a 3 bedroom apt. the child support is only supposed to pay for the difference between a 1 bedroom apt. and a 3 bedroom apt., not for the whole rent. Granted, I could be wrong, but that's what I thought I'd been told. But I haven't had any furniture (aside from a bed I managed to buy and a desk for my computer that I pulled from the trash) in over 18 months and she's got 2 large TV's and 2 PlayStations.



It might have been if we'd been homeowners.