There is something wrong about me that I can't grasp

Post Reply New Topic

I think I have a weird personality, not only because I feel like a failure (i'm 42, unemployed, never had a gf)
but also because there have been moments in my life where I acted in a really immature, almost childih way:
An example:
I often complain about being unemployed, but when I was working (many years ago) I complained about how I really hate the job... In some instances I even voluntarely resigned from my job because the conditions were unbearable.
I remember more then 10 yeras ago for example, I was working as an engineer at a small company, a couple of people there were even nice to me, the job wasn't really so horrible.... But for some reason I felt like I couldn't work there anymore, I dont' know if it was burnout, or coudn't bear the social interactions... I don't remember what I was thinking..
And the paycheck was bad too (and I was living by myself, and had to pay rent)... so in the end I decided to quit...
BUT looking back, I realized it was a huge mistake!
In fact, Now I'm unemployed and cannot find any job. I shouldn't have quitted that job even if it sucked...

So in the end I feel guilty and feel like my unemployment is partly my fault

So, if you are young, please listen to me carefully: do not resign to any job if you don't have any other job ready to accept, you will only ruin your resume by creating gaps in your career and eventually you will make yourself unemployable!

This doesn't matter as much anymore, most of the competition also has gaps.

I agree that perseverance can be useful.

I persevered through many years of unhappiness but my reward is that now I am retired and don't need to work. The trip was often unpleasant but, with hindsight, it seems worth it.

Thank you for your advise. I also think that perseverance is key to a better future.

that's good advice!
I often tell people I have learned life's lessons mostly by finding out by my own experiences "what not to do".

Some folks call that the "school of hard knocks" . Fortunately most of us can learn from our experiences. Knowing about my autism has helped with this a lot!

I don't know, employers seem to get very suspicious when you have too many gaps in the resume
Probably if you are still young (in your 20s) you can get away with it, but if you (like me) are in your 40s have changed like 15 companies, they realize there is something strange about it... like in their mind they think: why this dude wasn't able to hold down a job for say more then 1 year? There must be somthing wrong with him.... he may be incompetent, or crazy or something. Also it's one thing to switch from a company to another one to improve your salary or career prospect, that would make sense.. but it is a completely different thing being laid off multiple instances and building up unemployement periods until you find another job , rinse and repeat.
At one company I was fired after 3 days , in another one after just 1 month, the longest I lasted in the same company was 1 year and a half..

OK, I was going to answer this another way, but I will simply give a little advice for the above critique you gave yourself.....

1. MANY have weird personalities, and you never really know. It is best to simply NOT assume, but try to fit in somewhat.

2. Never having a girlfriend isn't THAT bad, but it is maybe something to keep to yourself.

3. I am in what I often call a feast or famine position. People "tolerate" me because they HAVE to. A lot of times I have NOTHING to do, but one time there was a disaster where I had to respond to an, UNSCHEDULED, call at about 3am, and solve a problem before anyone else even might have encountered it. Another time some IDIOT promised his boss that we would get his boss reports EARLY MONDAY! He told us late on friday! I had to rip things apart and redesign things to handle the data we had, SETTING THE ACTUAL PROJECT BACK LIKE A WEEK, and the person that was supposed to program the reports NEVER SAVED ANYTHING! HIS SYSTEM CRASHED, and TWO WEEKS of what he did was GONE! I had to be there the whole time! And the IDIOT that caused the concern? HE brought in donuts on sunday! He had to LITERALY. cut and tape reports together, but he had them on his boss' desk early monday morning before his boss got in. The agreement that we all had was that that wouldn't happen for 1 or 2 MONTHS! But who knows, maybe his boss was angry at him for something else.

4. It is a MYTH that ANYONE ANYWHERE ever gets paid the same! I have had over 50 jobs.(I contract). There is only ONE job I was EVER offered that said THIS IS WHAT YOU WILL BE PAID, EVERYONE GETS THE SAME AMOUNT! It was so ludicrous that I simply said BYE! You have to consider what you learn, the prestige, the salability, your costs, and the profit. That project used a rare system I figured was on its way out, and an obsolete language, and he offered me about 33% less than my minimum goal. In less than a week I got a job, that lasted 15 years and the starting pay was DOUBLE what that company offered me, on technology that is still around and evolving.

5. You should always try to be a bit over qualified, and AT WORST, undersell yourself a bit. That puts you in the best position.

6. You are right about the blank spots, etc.... Always have a legitimate reason for EVERYTHING!

OH, and you have to sound self-assured, and appear to be as capable as you claim, and come across as helpful and handy. If you can do all of that, you can actually ask for MORE money, and actually have them hire you!

I can relate to not being happy with a job or without one. Wouldn't be so bad being unemployed if the benefit payments were dependable. I've never had a problem with being jobless as such, and always liked having the time to myself, but the anxiety surrounding benefit stability was at least as bad as the anxiety surrounding job security. I spent a long time in jobs that were causing me a lot of stress because I couldn't see a way to secure my finances without a salary.

Being unhappy both without and with a job tends to be pretty common. It usually means that you haven't been working jobs that you're well-suited for. Or, that you haven't figured out how to declutter the brain afterwards.

It may be somewhat cultural, but the only time I've been happy while unemployed was when I was my main job and dealing the my mental health issues. Otherwise, too much of my identity is tied into contributing things related to work.

I doubt there was a job anywhere that was well-suited for me. The actual work was often interesting, but managements could be troublesome. I guess it's the same with most jobs, though the work might hold a different level of interest.

i stuck with the uncivil service until it almost killed me. got a nominal retirement out of it. i had a similar experience as the OP when i was young, and left a dead-end job that i should have stuck with no matter what. as it is, i ended up being sent on a long and winding road trip through the military that made me curse my fate. but i ended up going from the frying pan into the fire when i segued from army to uncivil service and eventually after an interminable period [20 years] ended up here in the sticks now as a retired hermit. it is peaceful now but i had to go through some major pain to get here.