(C-)PTSD Thread

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Gotcha. Sorry, I was misunderstanding. I can very much appreciate and respect that.

If I had the right words of encouragement to say, I'd toss them out here and now. I'm not the best at being supportive in ways that seem to resonate with others. That doesn't mean I don't care or wish you anything less than the best. Because I do. Living with this kind of stuff is brutal. I hope you can find some ways to find okay in all this. And if you decide to try to find new therapy routes, I hope you find somethings that work for you.

No, your posts were helpful. I will look into getting another therapist...for sure.

Your posts here are very well written, Flea.

I haven't been feeling particularly articulate lately so I'm grateful you've been able to give such clear insight, and I really appreciate the comments you've made.

I've not been feeling particularly articulate either. I can't even respond to my responses properly.

Cool. I never know for sure. I just try to speak my mind and hope it makes sense.

Really though, if you are thinking about getting into therapy and going for it, I do wish you nothing but the best in it. It's so worth it if you have the room and the ability to do it. My two cents.

It's hard work, and there were times when I thought it might literally kill me, but the end result...ohmigod, totally worth it. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. Like I said before, I still carry this stuff with me, but I can live alongside it now. I have bad times still, but not like before. This new reality is one I never knew I could have. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Thank you. I appreciate that. I never know how I come across to people or if I'm being coherent. Words aren't my native tongue this whole talking thing isn't my strong suit. But as it goes, words are a good way of interacting with others, so I try.

On a selfish note, I hope you get to feeling articulate again sooner than later. I do find I miss your words. But I totally get going on hush mode. I'm livin that life in my 3d world more days than not.

Your posts are very thoughtful/insightful.

Yeah, I don't think that trauma will go away for me either. I just hope that it becomes more manageable. Probably my current day-to-day stress is triggering my trauma stuff. I'm glad that things are going so much better for you! I'm hoping to get there eventually.

Great answer.
We don't even need cognitive empathy to support a person with trauma.

We can support a traumatised person by:

- listening to them
- believing them
- validating their sense of worthiness
- helping to identify the person's strengths
- remembering and being thoughtful of their weaknesses (triggers)
- using intellectual skills (doing reseach to help)
- using practical skills to help (supporting during burnout / shutdown)
- being trustworthy
- treating the person with respect and dignity
- understanding that the person is doing the best they can
- having a sense of humour


etc.

None of those things require an ounce of cognitive empathy

You always support people with respect
You do those things for people ^^^ whether you have cognitive empathy or not

Thank you from all of us who notice.


Here's a great article about supporting people with trauma (CPTSD or PTSD):


https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd ... h-ptsd.htm

Love to Waste - Aletta

Love to Waste is a ballad about losing yourself in an abusive relationship.
I hope this song will be an inspiration to those, and will empower everyone going through emotional or physical abuse.

There is NO excuse for abuse.
Remember that abusers will be abusers.
You can't change their ways by being overly nice or by walking on eggshells.
You CAN keep yourself safe by getting out of there and getting your life back.



Lyrics:


Friends know not, lovers do
I met a different kind of you, oh yeah
In a way the perfect guy
Said he'd love me until I died, but then

I didn't see jealousy was slowly suffocating me
Like: 'Who is he, and who's he to you?!'
Wanted me to prove my love
No kind of proof was enough, but babe
I loved you alright

There were no boundaries to your anger, hurting me
I'm so confused
Thought i could heal all wounds with love
Turn your anger into love

My friends said 'be no fool, don't let him do that s**t to you,
he should treat you kind.'
Still I couldn't give up hope
I wasn't ready to let go
I guess that love is blind

I hate for this love to go to waste
I'm losing myself more each day

If I could try a little more, a little harder
If that's the cure
For us to find peace
Eggshells break under my feet
How hard I tried I couldn't compete
With your ever changing needs

You were mad, oh so mad
Your words still echo in my head
screaming: 'You're so naive.'
All I could do was run, run
For there was only one conclusion:
Protect this heart of mine

If I were able to regulate my emotions, be less impulsive and not too busy wrestling with whatever I'm feeling and thinking, I won't try to 'relate' as a form of attempting to 'regulate someone else's emotions too'.

If I were able to regulate my emotions and be less irrational, I'd be very up-front and say; 'I do not understand. Please, tell me'.

Which I'm able to do online, because if has a buffer. Soon I may do so often again.
I couldn't do it in real life because something is still dragging me. Maybe within few years or so.

And telling words of encouragement or sympathies... Unless I'm very confident of the odds or is to do with closing certain gaps, it's not my style.
It's just fricking awkward. I do not script them like how I like to script greetings, cautions, thanks and farewells.



As for my own traumas? Mine is just weird.

It's like I have this part of me who fears and is fricking stubborn. I don't hate fear -- I hate this person being a part of me for being stubborn.

And then there's this part of me, banging on some psych barrier made of childhood issues, pent up emotions and irrational beliefs.

So if a therapist is trying to provoke me, that very much look like a form of abuse, I'd ask for more so I could just get over with.
Or maybe I just want to hurt this stubborn part of me since I couldn't and it refuses. Like a form of exorcism.

Not that I'm saying this applies to everyone.
I won't tell anyone to transcend or accept. But I have my own goals and I know what I want.

My personal aim is to deprogram -- which is actually difficult on average (knowing how most individuals take years of therapy and support) even more difficult when done alone.

Don't be fooled with the idea that NTs are actually any 'better' at this just because of having cognitive empathy, a regulated affective empathy, having a "age matched EQ" and having enough 'social supports' for being in a society designed for them.

... The latter may perpetuate those unwanted programs. Normalizing certain traumas.
Simply because they can 'cope better' and able to mask it better.

Maybe like my IQ profile, I may also have a very uneven EQ profile -- where one aspect is advanced and another aspect is a fricking deadweight. A stubborn and spoiled brat of a deadweight.

I’ve been remembering a strange incident recently. It’s not that strange in the grand scheme of things, but I’m interpreting it differently than I used to.

One day, my husband Hell (MH) was up to some hijinks. It could be related to drugs but who knows. Anyway, I had to drive him to different people’s houses. He went inside while I waited in the car. I didn’t have a choice in the matter.

At one point, another guy came to the car. MH said that he needed a ride and that he owed him a favor. He was not happy about him coming along AT ALL. He swore under his breath and was incredibly rude to him.

At the next house we went to MH got out of the car, but the other guy stayed inside even though they were both involved in the situation, whatever it was. Before leaving the car, MH told the guy: “If you say one word to her, I’ll kill you.”

An awkward silence ensued. The guy looked as if he really wanted to tell me something - like he was struggling with an internal battle, but he kept his mouth shut. At the time, I thought it was related to whatever they were doing, but I don’t think that’s the correct interpretation now. It’s not very likely that he, an obvious criminal, would want to incriminate himself. Instead, I think that he was thinking about telling me about the trial. Maybe he was one of those criminals whose cruelty does not extend towards women although I wouldn’t put it past him to be involved in getting MH to be declared innocent. Who knows.

My situation hadn’t gotten that bad yet. I had no clue what was going on or the true nature of what I was up against.

I'm glad you shared that. It must feel good to purge your memories when they arise. I find it helps to write this stuff so you can go back to it and add / edit memories as needed. It also helps to get some of it out of your system like purging, so you can move past it.

Would you like this thread to be for your own trauma reflections, or can anyone diagnosed with PTSD or Complex Trauma add their own bits? I'm fine either way.

I was thinking it might be good to have my own trauma reflections although I’d like input and people can share things if they want to.

I'm glad. It's nice to see you claim a space for trauma.

My input is that I'm glad you survived such scary situations. It seems like your gut instincts were working, in order to read the look on that dude's face and be able to make sense of it now. I hope you will continue to recognise warning signs if they happen in the future (for any reason / topic.)

I missed this post - soz.

Thanks for the guide.

I don't expect anyone to do all of that at the same time. ^

Just believing a person is usually enough.