Is it right to tell a 30 year old woman ''get on with it?''

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I remember watch a debate which was discussing on whether it is right or wrong for an older woman to start having children. I personally believe it should be up to the woman to decide whether or not she wants a child and that shouldn't be anyone else's business to force them and that does kind of irritate me. The thing is what if someone who is at their ''peak'' to have children but still doesn't feel ready ? Is it really right to force someone to have kids even if they don't want any whatsoever ?. I remember a guy on that debate who despite himself having child with at a later stage with his wife said most women who are in their 40s can have kids but most don't and that a woman who is 30 or over who wants to have a baby needs to ''get on with it'' because if they leave it they may not be able to have a child when they are older.

Speaking as a man, I seem to feel that there maybe is pressure to have kids as well for men. I'm worried I may end up having a child because I feel I ''have'' because I have seen other people my age getting married and starting a family and that I'm worried that even though I realise I now have a baby son/daughter to look after now, I'll end up not showing much interest and not really coming to terms of being a father. My sister has a son with a boyfriend who probably didn't really want a child but my sister got pregnant and now they have a son but for a while he was always leaving my sister to look after him, he used to not always be there for him and didn't have a job to help my sister and her son. I'm worried I'll just be forever frustrated because I'll ''perceive'' that everyone has moved on with their lives and have their own kids all except me and not realising that everyone grows up. I seem to think 5 or 10 years ago I didn't have self-imposed pressure and so why now as it just leaves me becoming more frustrated, upset and ''guilty'' for still not having a partner yet or my own child ?

It really depends on the person saying "get on with it" and their relationship with the person its being said to. As long as its not you saying it, I wouldn't worry about it. A 30 year old woman can stand up for herself.

You still have plenty of time to worry about your own future as far as children are concerned.

I have heard of famous cases of people who had kids at a later point of life such as actor Michael Douglas who had kids with actress Catherine Zeta-Jones and he was I think 25 years older than her and he was criticised because he was ''too old'' to have a baby. I think last year I heard that actor Jeff Goldblum who is now probably 70 and he and his wife/partner had another child recently. I seem to think that with cases like these they may be applauded for having a child even if its their first one but they still may get that response probably from people in the real world and online of ''Well that's quite late though'' and ''Oh he or she is too old''. I still remember a case of a woman having a baby at 67 and someone saying about it ''Well you don't really want to be a kid struggling to walk not knowing that your parents are in almost exactly the same condition.'' On that point, though I don't know of many people in their mid/late 60s who are not able walk because they can. Some will say ''Well if you get to or before 30 and you haven't had a child, you're probably never going to have one.''

As for the "well, if you're 30 you're probably never going to have one" remark. That's just not true. Most people are waiting much longer these day than they were in previous generations for purely financial reasons. 1 wage-earner can't support a household these days.

While there is some truth to the remark, because some people know by their 30's whether or not they even want children or the average monogamous relationship. Its not what everyone wants. I know I don't.

I seem to think some people will argue that waiting or ''putting off'' having a child until the ''right'' time has its risk. I seem to think that if I decided I really wanted to start having a family 10 years from now. Some will argue we'll probably not worth it anymore my partner in her late 30s/early 40s may have a more likely chance of having a miscarriage. I know my stepmother had her youngest son at 39 and he looks healthy and doesn't show any sign of a defect or disability and I still think many medical experts say its that its better to really be having a child before the age of 35.

Even that can be gotten around. People can have things frozen - and thaw it when they are ready. The only thing people really need worry about it making sure that a child is wanted, and cared for as best they can. Anything else is no one else's business.

Is the reason why people have children when younger because the parents need to have the energy raising the child as he or she gets to 5, 10, 15, and so on, taking him/her to school, going on active family trips with them etc ?

Also is the reason why it is not considered ideal to have a child for example aged 50 because the the parents will be 70 by the time the kids are 20 and won't have as much energy than a parent who had a child in their 20s and still had energy raising that child in their 30s and 40s ?

Last edited by chris1989 on 10 Mar 2023, 5:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.

One of the reasons is so that the chances of at least one parent will be alive and able to support the child until its old enough to survive on its own, yes. People can also have purely selfish motives about wanting grandchildren - or an only child might want a sibling etc.

The disrespect & control some guys display towards women having kids & control over their health care & bodies is the reason why I'm am male feminist. I believe that women deserve the right & freedom to make their own decisions or make them together with their partners. I don't understand why some people are much more focused on reproducing for the future instead of making sure that the younger generation will actually have a future

I never wanted kids. I have waaay too many issues to be a decent parent. I know this sounds screwed-up but I feel like a parent a lot sometimes within my current relationship & I also felt that way in my 1st one cuz they had various issues they were dealing with. I can barely handle that sometimes so I def could not handle raising a kid. To be fair my current gf feels like a parent with me too sometimes. She has done some volunteer work with kids & has been told that she would make a good mom. She kinda wanted kids but realizes that she has too many issues to really handle the responsibility of being a parent. If I was more capable & independent she might would chose to have a kid if it was entirely her decision but she knew I did not want kids when she got together with me & believes that a relationship is much more important & since I'm not changing my mind about wanting kids & we're both dealing with various issues & struggling day to day, she kinda accepted that she won't have any kids.

For example, Chanel West Coast the girl on the MTV show Ridiculousness had a baby a few months ago at 34. She had morning sickness or nausea throughout her whole pregnancy & ended up getting a C-section after being in labor for a bit but I think things were OK otherwise. She was majorly into partying, getting drunk & high when she was in her 20s & has been arrested for that but she seems to have matured a lot since then so it's probably good she waited.

Last edited by nick007 on 13 Mar 2023, 9:11 am, edited 7 times in total.

I don't think it's right to tell a 30 year old what to do, regardless of gender.