Hi I'm new here - singer in a band

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Hi Im new here,

Trigger warning - mentions abuse

I am undiagnosed but I have done so many tests (also repeated them) and kept coming up high. When I read about autism it feels like me. I am looking back on my life at all of the difficult times and the good ones too and seeing that I just was different.

I feel like an impostor most of the time. I make art, write and Im a singer in my band and its taken me a looooong time to get to the place where I am ready to do gigs. I am almost ready. Performing means a lot to me and I feel like it is my destiny even though I have been disscouraged by people in the past.

I grew up in a dysfunctional home and saw a lot of physical abuse growing up. We travelled through France and Spain in the late 1990's and early 2000's. I got bullied at school (primary and secondary) and then psychologically abused by some girls who I thought were my friends which lead me to a massive mental breakdown in about 2014. I am starting to write about these experiences. I really want to heal from what happened in 2014.

Now I live in a van and I love it which is good. I have my own space (Just about - live with my partner) and we are just about making money situation work. Its been a struggle to get here but I've done it. I live alternatively like I used to when I was a kid (British New Age Traveller Kid and Proud and also Afro-Celt). And it suits me.

I am so annoyed at social media at the moment. It just seems to make everything into a competition. As soon as Ive accomplished one thing like Having a day Where I Feel Good about Life and Getting s**t Done theres some other thing reminding me I havent done enough. Anyway that rants over (for now).

I have a doctors appointment soon to discuss my mental health. I was diagnosed about 10 years ago with anxiety and depression but I dont know if its accurate. I am either Autistic, have ADHD, PTSD, PMDD or a mixture of them. Or maybe the doctor is right but it doesnt feel right.

I am quite depressed because my Rat friend passed on and it hurts so much. He's called Puzzl and he helped me with my life a lot. I miss him more than I can handle.

I am so confused by it and dont really know how to get a doctor to help me. My appointment is on 22nd March so I have a while to think about it.

Anyways I hope this post finds you well and its so nice to meet fellow neurodivergents and bless up you guys

Hey buddy welcome.

No judgement here, we welcome one and all regardless of what you have been through or what you are going through.
What type of music does your band play?

Mae Govannen, Raeni. Welcome to WP!

Welcome aboard.

Hey raeni, welcome to Wrong Planet.

Welcome to WP! I hope the kind of company you want here.

And I wish you good luck on all of the issues you face.

welcome, hope you find answers and support here, its a great group!