Might autistic women not be the best match for autistic men?

Page 1 of 15 [ 235 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 15  Next

MaxE
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,438
Location: Mid-Atlantic US

11 Mar 2023, 11:45 am

...and vice-versa. There have been some success stories nevertheless the track record may actually be abysmal if you could conduct a controlled study.


_________________
My WP story


TwilightPrincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2016
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,805
Location: Hell

11 Mar 2023, 11:51 am

Every person is different and has a unique perspective/experience. When you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person.

With that being said, I'd probably prefer dating someone who is ND because we might have an easier time understanding each other, but I wouldn't solely date people who are.


_________________
Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven — Satan and TwilightPrincess


klanka
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Mar 2022
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,888
Location: Cardiff, Wales

11 Mar 2023, 1:13 pm

It's rare for two autistic people to get into a relationship with each other. The only people here who talk about their partners seem to be with nt's, with one or two exceptions.



TwilightPrincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2016
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,805
Location: Hell

11 Mar 2023, 1:14 pm

klanka wrote:
It's rare for two autistic people to get into a relationship with each other. The only people here who talk about their partners seem to be with nt's, with one or two exceptions.

More people are NT. I don't know that many autistic people offline.

I don't think that people are going out of their way to avoid dating someone who is ND.


_________________
Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven — Satan and TwilightPrincess


klanka
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Mar 2022
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,888
Location: Cardiff, Wales

11 Mar 2023, 1:20 pm

Judging by the 'i can't get a date ' threads I'd say they are avoiding dating ND peeps.

If two ND got together I could see it working in the short term but not sure about long term.
That thread where the man's wife doesn't even want to live in the same house springs to mind.
If someone has such severe sensory issues that they have to live alone.....but I don't think the majority of ND are like that.



TwilightPrincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2016
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,805
Location: Hell

11 Mar 2023, 1:24 pm

klanka wrote:
Judging by the 'i can't get a date ' threads I'd say they are avoiding dating ND peeps.

If two ND got together I could see it working in the short term but not sure about long term.
That thread where the man's wife doesn't even want to live in the same house springs to mind.
If someone has such severe sensory issues that they have to live alone.....but I don't think the majority of ND are like that.

You are confusing correlation with causation. You are also overgeneralizing by saying that the small sample size/specific examples you cited reflects the ND population as a whole.


_________________
Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven — Satan and TwilightPrincess


Recidivist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2023
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,851
Location: He/him/his

11 Mar 2023, 1:35 pm

klanka wrote:
It's rare for two autistic people to get into a relationship with each other. The only people here who talk about their partners seem to be with nt's, with one or two exceptions.


I found out years later that my last GF was autistic (neither of us were diagnosed at the time), the relationship didn't work out, but that was totally my fault. My Current GF is not an NT , I'd also be surprised if the mother of my child was an NT.


_________________
Another man's freedom fighter, one man's terrorist is - Yoda (probably)


klanka
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Mar 2022
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,888
Location: Cardiff, Wales

11 Mar 2023, 1:40 pm

Yeah I think it would be a good match.

We don't have peer reviewed studies so we can just talk about it from what we observe. Or every thread would only be statements backed up with studies :D

The two aspies would see those eccentric behaviours in each other as something they themselves do,so there'd be a lot of understanding.

The woman who won't live with her husband is an example where it just won't work with anyone, in her and other sensory issue types cases.



FleaOfTheChill
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2020
Age: 309
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 3,064
Location: Just outside of reality

11 Mar 2023, 1:51 pm

MaxE wrote:
...and vice-versa. There have been some success stories nevertheless the track record may actually be abysmal if you could conduct a controlled study.


Who knows. There would likely be some beautiful successes, and some colossal failures. Most would likely be somewhere between those two extremes. I imagine it wouldn't be much different than relationships between non autistic people. It's not like every relationship allistics have is a brilliant success every time. I don't see how being autistic changes normal relationship stuff in, that way anyhow.

I think the biggest issue in autistic people dating other autistic people is going to come down to how we are a minority. There's just not a ton of us running around, so how would we even find each other? Would be confined to long distance relationships? Would we have to move across countries to be together? It's not very practical. And that's assuming we meet someone we actually get on well with. That's hard enough to do with a huge sample size of people, let alone a small one.

Flip side of that, one time I had a fwb who's on the spectrum. It was cool to have someone who understood some of my quirks. In return, I intuitively knew when to 'insert correction here' with him and that's a rare thing for me. I actually felt like the ways I was trying to give resonated with him. In that respect, autistic 'dating' was way better than allistic for me. But that was one occasion and the only time I've ever been with someone on the spectrum. *shrugs*

I feel like I'm rambling and I dunno if I even had a point to make. Sorry...brain still a lil fried from neighborhood noise. Meh.



amykitten
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 17 Sep 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 480

11 Mar 2023, 3:15 pm

Since I've dated both autistic, NT and ND guys I'll throw my thoughts in.

As others have said it depends on the person.

I'm a very needy person and love attention as to me they are my new shiney toy and will go full charge into it. I have learnt this is exhausting for the guy. So its just me not right for guys in general :lol:

Over my time dating I've been raped by an autistic guy, so that isn't a good relationship, but an ND also tried to kill me. I also had an autistic ex who I felt I was walking on eggshells due to his anxiety and depression at the time, as well as terrible sleeping (even for an autistic person this was on the extreme side of things) it wasn't great.

As for NT guys, I get on with them to a degree. They have less issues than ND and autistic people, but my social exhaustion is drained by the extra socialising with outside sources at times and them not understanding I'm a homebody and think I'm strange for that. Nor can they keep up when I take things to the extreme. Like playing a new sims expansion for a couple of weeks non stop, when I finish adulting.

So if the guy has just autism and no anxiety etc then yes it can work great for me. Otherwise its not worth all my energy and I put a lot out. I wouldn't rule them out, but I wouldn't go out of my way. Besides, I make it obvious I like someone by telling them, so no beating around the bush so to speak.



MaxE
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,438
Location: Mid-Atlantic US

11 Mar 2023, 5:40 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
Every person is different and has a unique perspective/experience. When you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person.

With that being said, I'd probably prefer dating someone who is ND because we might have an easier time understanding each other, but I wouldn't solely date people who are.

Hmm. You might want to take a good look in your metaphorical mirror and ask yourself with what sort of man you could have a successful relationship, and yes this thread is about men dating women and vice versa. I suspect you would require a good deal of empathy and interpersonal skills. Also, as I believe you have a dog, I should also mention that autistic men are way more likely to be cat lovers than dog lovers.


_________________
My WP story


TwilightPrincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2016
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,805
Location: Hell

11 Mar 2023, 5:47 pm

MaxE wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Every person is different and has a unique perspective/experience. When you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person.

With that being said, I'd probably prefer dating someone who is ND because we might have an easier time understanding each other, but I wouldn't solely date people who are.

Hmm. You might want to take a good look in your metaphorical mirror and ask yourself with what sort of man you could have a successful relationship, and yes this thread is about men dating women and vice versa. I suspect you would require a good deal of empathy and interpersonal skills. Also, as I believe you have a dog, I should also mention that autistic men are way more likely to be cat lovers than dog lovers.
Are you suggesting that men would reject me for having a sweet, cuddly dog?

What I require is my business, and you can neither know nor judge what my preferences are. (*ahem* mansplaining *ahem*) I’ve stated elsewhere on this forum that I prefer socially awkward men. Being socially awkward myself, it would make me feel less like I have to be someone else.

Autistic people CAN be empathetic.


_________________
Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven — Satan and TwilightPrincess


TwilightPrincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2016
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,805
Location: Hell

11 Mar 2023, 5:56 pm

Image

No thank you. I can think for myself, and I know what I want.


_________________
Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven — Satan and TwilightPrincess


Recidivist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2023
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,851
Location: He/him/his

11 Mar 2023, 6:06 pm

MaxE wrote:
I should also mention that autistic men are way more likely to be cat lovers than dog lovers.


I'm deffo more of a cat person.

Twilightprincess wrote:
Are you suggesting that men would reject me for having a sweet, cuddly dog?


A dog would never be a reason for me to reject a woman unless of course I was trying to hide how much I prefer animals.


_________________
Another man's freedom fighter, one man's terrorist is - Yoda (probably)


IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 70,450
Location: Chez Quis

11 Mar 2023, 6:28 pm

klanka wrote:

The woman who won't live with her husband is an example where it just won't work with anyone, in her and other sensory issue types cases.



Is this about me? No offence if it is. I've said this many times. I'm not married right now, but when I was the sensory / social aspect drove me crazy even if we hadn't split for other reasons. I was so much happier to have the house and the bedroom to myself. I don't know if he was ND but he was definitely not NT. It didn't matter what he was because I couldn't handle marriage. In my current relationship (NT / 1 dog) he wants to get married but I've rejected proposals because I can't deal with the sensory aspect of cohabitation, let alone the social or practical reasons.

I like ND men better overall than NTs. I relate better to misfits and misanthropes who don't want to do things. :skull: My dad and brother were / are ND and both cat people. I love them to bits and could live with them forever. One of my boyfriends was also ND although undiagnosed. He's a major cat person, obsessed with cats.

Personally I have three cats and a dog, so whoever I end up with better like all of them.


_________________
And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.


klanka
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Mar 2022
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,888
Location: Cardiff, Wales

11 Mar 2023, 8:00 pm

There was someone else posting a thread about his wife who wanted to move out.

That's one issue with ND+ND is both having those issues that are difficult to work around.