Might autistic women not be the best match for autistic men?

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My kids are ND and have these issues.

I can verify that yes, it's hard.

We all have opposite sensory needs.

Sometimes they want lights and I want dark, they want a TV to fall asleep and I need silence, they eat bland and I need spicy, things like that. Not to mention we all have meltdowns for different reasons and can't always accommodate the other person's meltdown needs.

My partner has PTSD and so do I. With that we have the same challenges as with this ^. His triggers are almost completely opposite of mine, and our methods of soothing each other are opposite too. That means if he has a trauma trigger I have to do things that I don't like to help him, and they can trigger me.

So much fun.

I really think my PTSD is more of a problem as far as relationships go than my autism.

Of course, I’m very shy so getting to know people is a challenge for me, too.

I think it depends on the specific autistic guy & specific autistic woman.

My 2nd girlfriend was on the spectrum but my personality within a relationship is kinda the opposite of the stereotypical Aspie guy in some ways but I still have all the typical Aspie guy quirks, issues, & problems. I love being affectionate & spending a lot of time with my partner whereas she wanted more space & independence. There were other major problems in our relationship as well thou like us being long distance & our life circumstances not allowing us to move in together for the foreseeable future. I felt pushed away a lot & took it out on her & was unstable

My current gf is very likely on the spectrum or at least has lots of overlapping issues. We both have various physical & mental issues we're dealing with besides autism related things thou so that throws some major curve-balls. She's clingy, needy, & loyal to a fault which is more on my level. We do have major fights & misunderstandings sometimes but we both realize that there is no one else who really gets us even if we don't get each other fully. We both know that we are too screwed-up to have a normal relationship with anyone even if the other doesn't think we're that messed up. We both feel like total cr@p when we upset the other so we're both highly motivated to make our relationship work even thou we both think the other deserves a lot better.

My 1st gf wasn't exactly NT. She had dyslexia & ADHD which I also have & we had a common interest so we really connected. I'm won't go into the reasons that relationship failed here since she wasn't on the spectrum. I didn't limit myself to Aspies or non-NTs but I didn't really have a chance with anyone when I was wanting a relationship. I tried my best with most any woman who was nice to me for a bit & who I thought I'd have half a chance with but I never got so much as a date. Me not having my life together at all along with my horrible social skills was probably a major factor.

I've had both good and bad experiences with people on the spectrum. Same with NTs.

For me, though, it's a moot point because nobody in Houston has the same interests.

I can see a lot of advantages to ND+ND like understanding other introverts, but these (above) are big challenges as well!

From the limited number of autisitc women I've met, all of them have been terrible matches for me.

Religion and hardcore intentional celibacy have been the norm with them. I don't like religion and I also don't like being weighed up by a "waiting until marriage" woman to the extent I feel I would come under less scrutiny from a 10 out of 10 NT woman.

I can't even imagine being with a "normal" NT partner, the extroverted social type.
They're like another species to me.
I cringe just seeing them because their lifestyles look so horribly uncomfortable.
Nothing against them as people, I just couldn't be with one.

If by NT you mean anybody who's not autistic, neurodiverse in some other way, or has a mental illness, you are still describing only one type of NT not all. The annoying sort of person who insists on high-fiving you every time you see them, or people who spend every Sunday afternoon at their friend's house drinking mass produced beer and betting on sports, is a stereotype but not representative of many NT males. Many are loners and many would appreciate the companionship of a woman who genuinely cares for them, even if autism makes showing her feelings more challenging. And I think the same principle applies in the opposite direction. An autistic man may find an autistic woman easy to coexist with at first but in the long term may have a harder time forming a strong emotional connection. Nothing is ever perfect though, although many people seem to think they can hold out for the perfect mate.

I presume they are all that side of the bridge, as the ones I know on this side haven't had any of those issues

What bridge?

That's why I said "normal" NT partner, "the extroverted social type".

I didn't mean normal compared to us.
I meant normal, average, healthy, stereotypical NT with no mental health issues.

I'm talking about men who wear business suits and have big circles of friends.
Men who go jogging and host barbecues to chat up the neighbours.
Men who have social media accounts, take selfies, or coiffure their hair.
Men who want to go out every weekend, to restaurants and pubs, or have family reunions.
The ones who cut their lawn and walk their dogs and say hi to people they pass.
All of that freaks me out, not as a judgment on them but because I'd be uncomfortable.

The bridge is the severn crossing between England and Wales in the South of the UK

Nades is on one side and I'm on the other.

Never dated one. I tried to date a few "almost autistic" women (preferred to be alone, interested in physics) and my wife shares some of those traits. I could never stand living with a social butterfly, although I suspect it could be good for my mental health.

I'm autistic (38male) and have have been in a relationship with an autistic woman for two years. It's the best dating and relationship experience I have had so far and I think us both being autistic has made it so for me. I was still open to dating NT women though, as this was the first autistic woman I met, so they are hard to find for sure.

This is another thread candidate to be locked by Cornflake.