Worried that I'll never have my first kiss

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Oh, I’ve asked before. Usually my display of consideration ended up getting me friendzoned. A couple of girls told me the reason they wouldn’t kiss me was precisely BECAUSE I asked.

Someone explained it to me this way: ASKING for a kiss is like asking for a gift. A gift is given and taken because someone wants to give and receive. Once someone asks for a kiss, it’s no longer a gift you can willingly exchange.

You can’t even really steal a kiss, either, because that implies taking something that’s not offered to you even as a gift. You’re not stealing a kiss from a girl. What you’re actually doing is taking away something she’s intended for someone else.

The way around that is by OFFERING a girl a kiss and see if she willingly takes it. You can’t give someone a gift if they don’t reach out for it. You don’t have to be NT to pick up weird vibes from a girl who doesn’t want a kiss from you. It will be obvious. She will know you are going to kiss her. She will pull back or deflect if she doesn’t want it.

I’ve failed attempts to kiss a few girls in my life. Sometimes I’ve made the mistake of thinking she didn’t want to be kissed, never that she did, though. The girl I eventually married made me work for it. It’s like…you KNOW I’m going to try to kiss you, you’re going to reject me, but you insist on hanging out? What kind of friend ARE you??? I’m not good at playing games.

And it’s like girls who fetishize men being rough with them. These days it’s too easy to end up in jail over things, so I tend to play it safe. I’m convinced one of my exes really wanted me to slap her around and half the problems we had in our relationship was because I’m not that kind of guy.

So despite that I say it’s normally uncool to ask for a kiss, I can’t stress enough how important it is to be careful how you go about kissing anyone. Yes doesn’t even mean yes because a girl could say she only said yes because she was too scared to say no. All you can really do as a guy is learn how to spot legitimately psychotic girls and avoid them.

Ummm…no. What a person would be doing is sexual harassment and worth a swift and hard knee thrust to the balls. It doesn’t matter whether she intends on kissing someone else or not. Maybe she’s asexual and aromantic. In any case, it’s gross, creepy behavior. People shouldn’t be kissing those who don’t want to be kissed. It’s simple.

Let it be noted that I never said a MAN should steal a kiss from a woman. I would never recommend that.

Relax. I don’t steal kisses, and I never have.

Stolen women from their boyfriends, however, is a whole different matter.

Hint: men don’t own women, so you can’t actually steal other dudes’ girls. More like…I presented dissatisfied girls with another, temporary option. Maybe I was being a jerk. There’s no excuse for that. I was just in a dark place at the time and kept finding girls in the same kind of bad place as me. Sometimes a breakup is needed but people feel stuck in a relationship. It’s not hard to get a girl to cheat on her bf when that’s the case.

And that’s when this little life lesson becomes relevant: If he or she will cheat with you, he or she will cheat on you.

If you think you can go around stealing kisses and romantic partners, be careful. Karma is a b***h. If you ever have two guys bang on your dorm room door looking for a wandering gf/fiancée, you MIGHT have a problem.

Whatever dude. You either misunderstood my post or more likely didn’t care to get it.

Now you want to hijack the thread and make it about stealing other men’s girlfriends. I’m sure OP could use that kind of advice.

The only time I have been kissed was when a boy came up to me and did it before running away.

I did not want to be kissed by him so I don't think that counts.

I hope one day I will have a nice kiss but I don't think I will. I find the thought just stresses me out. I don't know how you are supposed to have a relationship.

With everything that's been going on lately, my lack of love life has been placed on the backburner.

I hope you do as well.



That's one of the reasons why I want to leave my small town. I'll have to find a decent job now that my former employment has ended abruptly. No idea what direction my life is going to go in, but I know I'm ready to move on to other things.

thank you Miss Dragon. I hope you manage to get to a good city soon. I have heard that Brighton and Bristol are both very LGBT+Q friendly, but expensive. Manchester is also very good and cheaper. Maybe Scotland (Edinborough/Galsgow) too.

First kiss is usually awkward anyway. If I was you I'd skip it and go straight for the second kiss.

My first kiss was sexy and hot hehe

As a cisgendered heterosexual male who is probably somewhere on the spectrum (undiagnosed like you, please click the link in my sig) I lost my virginity 3 months before my 21st birthday (admittedly some luck was involved) and thought myself very much a late bloomer, but in addition I first experienced passionate open-mouth kissing when I was still 15 with a 17-year-old über-NT girl from a small town in Indiana who had no idea how young I was, and had other experiences doing the same while still in my teens. So your inability to find somebody to kiss at age 23 at first seems discouraging and consistent with the thread I started in the adult forum about how few members of Generation Z are sexually active. However, in the interest of level-setting, there's also this, probably a big piece of the puzzle (unless you take issue with the premise of either link):

Regarding casual sex:
Why is it so hard for lesbians to find casual sex? (Quora)

Regarding long-term relationships:
Why Lesbians Rarely Find Lasting Love — And How You Can (Medium)

This.

Fun Fact: I'll be age 24 by the end of this week. My plan to kiss someone before 25 is still in action though.

So you weren't offended by the rest of my post? Cheers!

The first kiss won't be awkward if the other person knows how and kisses you. "Awkward" doesn't describe it unless your idea of awkwardness is that your spectacles steam up!

If both people are inexperienced, they should succeed if they are methodical i.e. first position themselves so their mouths can comfortably come into contact, then continue whatever feels right. Unfortunately such incidents are usually spontaneous, one person is more motivated than the other, and may also involve immoderate quantities of alcohol.

Nah, I didn't find it offensive.

Personally, out of my group, I am the only one who is sexually inactive. However, such talk is probably better suited to your thread. L&D are likely sick of me anyway. I have been posting rather similar threads as of late.

I did almost kiss a girl once. Doesn't quite have the same ring to it.