Dating but no job

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Is there any options out there for people with no job and a disability?

I feel shame which stops me looking for love

I am self reliant now and I don't want to be a burden on anyone

A lot of women are in the same boat, so dating is certainly possible.

I wouldn't reject someone just because they were on disability.

Where can you find them?

I don't know. A lot of people where I live seem to meet potential love interests in bars. I don't think that's a great idea. Better places could be libraries, social clubs, community center classes, and things like that. Finding ways to make new friends could help since friends could introduce you to female acquaintances.

Yes okay could look into that. Do you think dating apps would be a waste of time?

I don't have any experience with them. They seem to be a waste of time for most people based on what I've observed, though.

What is your disability and why do you not have a job?

yeah well if we are talking america, especially east north america its going to be hard, the internet dating scene is full of people who are either obsessed with money or looks...

I know multiple people who are on disability but have partners.

I wouldnt look forward to having to explain my work situation and disability when meeting strangers on a dating app..

Unfortunately it may be a major struggle for you to find a relationship but you still have a chance.

I'm disabled thou I have worked for a few years but it was unskilled minimum-wage type stuff. I struggled MAJORLY to get romantic relationships partly because of that. It did not help that I was living with my parents due to no other viable options, I cant drive & the area I lived was kinda ruralish & had no public transportation system, & I was living in the deep south which is intolerant towards individuals needing help & assistance. I tried various ways to meet women offline & I also tried various dating sites for disabled people & sites for dating in general & I never got so much as a date from those things. I kinda hated the area I lived & was very willing to relocate for a relationship & I was upfront about that when seeking online.

I eventually met my current girlfriend by seeking out women who were also disabled. I tried to think of the types of women & issues I could help support in ways other than financially. I'm different from the stereotypical Aspie guy because I like women who are needy, clingy, & need a lot of emotional support. Probably because I've been there myself in the past & I know it woulda been a huge help if I had someone there which is one of the major reasons why I wanted a romantic relationship. I tried to figure out ways to meet those types of women & how to best present myself to them. I've met the 3 girlfriend's I've had by posting aLOT in online forums about various things. I was not seeking a relationship when I got my 1st girlfriend; she had some things in common with me & we quickly became best friends when I was at a very low point in my life. I met my other two girlfriends on this forum by seeking a relationship but I was here for a couple years before I got my second one.

Getting a relationship probably woulda been easier for me if I was more independent. Do you have your own place jimmy? If I did when I was single I woulda taken in a woman who was kinda wanting a place to stay. I knew a few online who woulda been interested. Getting my own place was sorta in the works but dragging on & on.

I do have my own place yeah but no car.

Ive had minimum wage jobs in the past too

I've been on disability for a long time now. Not quite 20 years, not sure exactly how long. Anyway, I've had several partners. It hasn't been a huge issue for me or anything, though I really do hate that inevitable moment when I will get asked what I do for a living. *sigh*. I do own my house and sometimes have a working car. I'm not sure if those things help or not. My house isn't great and I live in a poverty-stricken town. Still, the house might show I have some kind of stability going for me. I have lived here for about 25 years now. I dunno.

Main point, it is possible, for sure. Not everyone cares about things like wealth, fancy cars, status, so on. A lot of people just want to find another human they can get on with and enjoy being around. Money becomes irrelevant real quick if you find someone you click with. Most of the people I have ended up dating have also been not so well off though, so I'm not sure how much that matters or not. I don't go looking to find other poor people to date, but where would I go to meet rich people, you know? I've only tried internet dating twice, but both times, neither of those two people cared that I was on disability. I know some people will care, but a lot will not.

I don't think disabled or unemployed people having problems getting relationships is is usually about others being shallow or stuck up persay.

A disabled person not working is sometimes thought to be lazy & unmotivated. Whereas if the disabled person is very active within their community like volunteering a lot for non-profit groups or working long hours to get by financially, they are thought to be driven & passionate.

Some people grow up in areas that have a very negative opinion of others needing help & assistance. The judgers cant grasp how difficult it is for some people to become self-reliant. Or the judgers majorly struggled themselves & did not have any help or assistance available to them. The judgers think that they were able to get ahead or were forced to just thread water by trying extremely hard & working themselves into an early grave & the judgers think that if they could do it anyone can. The judgers see others getting help as a slap in the face since the judgers were forced to struggle to get by on their own.

Lots of people these days are working minimum-wage or extremely underpaid jobs just to survive paycheck to paycheck. They worry that they will have to support a disabled person financially if the benefits & assistance end up getting cut. They also worry that the disabled person will not be able to take care of things around the house. I imagine that having to work long hard hours at a job you hate & then having to do most all the chores when you get home while your disabled partner stays home all day doing nothing except watching TV or playing video-games or whatever, will fuel resentment very fast for lots of people.

If a disabled person were to need special care for a bit, their partner may be forced to miss work for a while to take care of them. Lots of employers do not provide paid family & medical leave & lots of people have their health insurance tied to their job or their partner's job. It would majorly s#ck for the family if a non-disabled person was the primary financial provider & they lost their job & health insurance because their partner needed extra care. Also lots of jobs are not accommodating towards pregnant employees & if the woman was the primary financial provider & she lost her job & health insurance due to her getting pregnant & her employer not accommodating or her needing to miss work for an extended period of time, it would also majorly s#ck for her family.

I'm not saying that these things are common in relationships where one person is disabled but I do think these concerns are understandable & justified, especially considering that the economy has not stopped rapidly going down the toilet since the millennium hit.

oh goodness i dont want to be in another relationship where i was resented again that would be the worst possible outcome. I have more stability now though and wouldnt actually need anyone as i have my parents nearby if im bed ridden.

I like being alone and have been alone 90% of my life and thats just the way it is but Its just a nagging feeling of missing out on the 'perks' of life as i get older ! Maybe thats the kickback of going on disability and being happier and reducing my medications. Perhaps you cant have it all haha.

I did use to volunteer at Oxfam for a couple hours. Even that really took it out of me getting there and back. Id like to do some more. Maybe i should focus on getting out in to the community before anything else.

Out of curiosity are there any filters on dating apps that might weed out people who would potentially be a terrible match?

great post Nick you summed up the attitudes of society to disabled people well.

Flea thats encouraging do you mind me asking where you met your partners?

Last edited by jimmyjazzuk on 22 Mar 2023, 9:51 am, edited 1 time in total.