Aspiedar: can you tell if someone is autistic?

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renaeden
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23 Mar 2023, 10:57 pm

It's the opposite - two people have asked ME if I'm autistic.

I'm too self-absorbed to be able to pick if others are on the spectrum.



FleaOfTheChill
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24 Mar 2023, 12:22 am

renaeden wrote:
It's the opposite - two people have asked ME if I'm autistic.

I'm too self-absorbed to be able to pick if others are on the spectrum.


^ People have asked me if I'm autistic to, although it's been more than two people for me. One of my ex's asked me about it long before I ever knew what autism was about. They had a total told ya so moment when I got dx'd. :lol:

I never know if someone is on the spectrum or not. I might be able to recognize something that could be autistic-ish and I've known people that if they said they were on the spectrum, I wouldn't be surprised. But ultimately, I never know for sure. I can't just tell by looking at someone and feel certain they are.



klanka
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24 Mar 2023, 4:31 am

It's not a black and white thing of: oh this person seems autistic so now I'm going to treat him like this.
It's more like just a hunch that you use to understand someone. If someone seems strange or rude they could be autistic or could be something bad like sociopath.

We cannot force someone to go and get diagnosed, and actually narcissists often charm psychologists into giving them a diagnosis of someone who is not harmful.

So we have to make decisions based on our hunches and hope it works out.
We have to make on the spot decisions of who to trust,who to get involved with etc. Without the luxury of an official diagnosis.



Dear_one
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25 Mar 2023, 4:51 am

I was on a techie BBS, and one of the other guys was a successful shop owner and family man. I wrote to him that I thought he was a fellow aspie. He'd never thought of anything like that himself, but saw right away that I was right.
I'm pretty sure that a friend of mine divorced an aspie, and carries over some of her conflicts with him to me. Another old friend was even stimming a lot, but I have not gotten back in touch to discuss it.



auntblabby
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25 Mar 2023, 5:59 am

i was shopping in the Lakewood grocery warehouse about 20 years ago, a little boy with a flat affect came up to me and asked me in a quasi-adult voice, "do you know where daddy is?" not "MY daddy" mind-you. i thought to myself, "i've finally met somebody else like i was when i was young."



Shadweller
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25 Mar 2023, 10:23 am

I don't think you can tell just by looking at a person, but as I have learnt more about the traits I can look back on some of the people I've got to know over the years. Knowing what I know now, I know that some of them were Autistic because of what they told me about their traits, and also what I could observe in them. I'm aware I'm not a clinically trained diagnostician, but in the real world we make judgements, hopefully based on having sufficient facts.

There's some people I'm absolutely certain about because of the things they told me. It's likely that they recognised my Autism and so wanted to talk about it by giving me clues and hints about their Autism. But as I didn't realise that I had Autism at those times, those conversations never took place.



SharonB
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25 Mar 2023, 4:42 pm

I have my suspicions of others. What do I even know of myself? LOL. I can observe to the best of my ability (or ask)... if someone might be overwhelmed by or seeking sensory input, if someone might be overwhelmed by or seeking ambiguity or certainty, likewise interpretations of an idiom or social situation that may be more or less clear or confusing ... this may or may not be cultural... special interests, etc. When I relate to others very well, and seemingly better than Allistic people, I especially wonder. If enough parts are indicative of an elephant or duck or an ancient dinosaur ... it may be one, or a platypus or seaweed frond.

I have family members and friends that are on it and other that highly, highly overlap it, if not... where the line is drawn --- that's the question. I have made caring suggestions to my BFF, my mother and one of my children. I have a close friend who suggested she might be on it to me; I agreed it had occurred to me. It is for them to explore or discover for themselves - if they deem it of value. I am aware that some in my family wouldn't want a line drawn. Mental health is super taboo on one side of my family, yet I have my theories there too.

I have an acquaintance who is very likely ASD but I haven't suggested it to her b/c she tends towards narcissism and is fairly abusive (as was/is my mother). I probably should mention it so she could explore and gain awareness and perhaps insight into potential invalidation and abuse she may have internalized (and is spewing). April is coming up... Maybe a flyer on her door to start... :wink:



ilovepalmtrees
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26 Mar 2023, 10:45 am

I usually can't tell. I know a few autistic people and the only reason I know they are autistic is because they told me. Otherwise I wouldn't have known. There is only one person I've met who I was certain he was autistic without him telling me. He was rocking back and forth, repeating what I said to himself (echolalia), and was stimming with his hands. I didn't ask him if he was autistic, but I was certain he was.



SkinnyElephant
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27 Mar 2023, 9:24 am

Joe90 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
↑ Please forgive me for saying this, but one coincidence does not validate a generalized claim.

Considering all of the celebrities, historical figures, and even fictional characters who have been allegedly 'identified' as being on the autism spectrum without any validation whatsoever, I am inclined to doubt that anyone's 'aspiedar' actually works.


Like I said, I can usually tell if someone (particularly a man, don't know why) may have some sort of neurological condition but not always which condition it is, unless it is something like down's syndrome, or if the behaviours/actions are very obvious and stereotypical, such as a person wearing noise-cancelling headphones and flapping his or her hands and making noises is usually obvious that they're autistic. Well, obvious to some. Unfortunately some people have to stare and ridicule instead of thinking ''hold on, it's obvious that they have some sort of a disability, they're hardly a threat, neurological disabilities do exist''.

There's this guy at work who I can't tell whether he's an Aspie or not, but I can tell he has something. He is in his 50s, lives with his parents, has never drove or married or had children, has restricted interests, and is often quite self-absorbed (not in a narcissistic way, just in a socially awkward way). He's difficult to have a conversation with, as you can't always get a word in edgeways and it's often one-sided. He's a nice guy but often misunderstood. Most people think he's a bit simple but he is actually rather intelligent. I don't know if he could be on the spectrum or have ADHD, or maybe just some sort of learning difficulty (yes, learning difficulties can make a person appear socially awkward, and they can have things they are clever at). He could be anything, but I can't say for sure what. I obviously won't ask him, as I can sense that he's either undiagnosed or is extremely good at pretending he hasn't got any diagnoses. I'm extremely good at that too. I can pretend that I know very little about autism to people who are talking about their autistic kid or whatever (I express compassion of course but I mean I pretend to be like someone who is at least undiagnosed or don't have it at all).


After reading your post, I wonder if any coworkers suspect I'm on the spectrum (or at the very least, suspect I have something)

Here's a description of me:

-Never married, no kids, nor do I ever want a wife or kids
-I don't live with parents. However, I live in a place they own
-I don't drive
-While I've had girlfriends in the past, I don't currently have or want one
-I have hardly any social life/interests outside work
-I bring in the same exact lunch day in and day out
-Multiple coworkers have compared me to a TV character who's widely speculated to be on the spectrum



Princess Viola
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27 Mar 2023, 9:38 pm

I can sometimes have hunches if someone is neurodivergent in some way based on their behavior, but I wouldn't say I can 'tell' if someone is autistic specifically and nor is it a 'I can talk or interact with someone once and immediately clock them as ND' thing either, it's just a 'If someone behaves in a way that's somewhat common among neurodiverse folks, then there's a possibility they may be ND themselves'.

But I also don't go and asking random people if they're ND or autistic or anything like that. I'm weird but I'm not that weird.



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28 Mar 2023, 10:24 am

Unless someone is a master at masking, I can usually tell, though sometimes I need to be around someone for a bit to really know for sure.


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Dear_one
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28 Mar 2023, 12:09 pm

If I wanted to deliberately engage my aspiedar, I'm sure I'd get false positives, as I do with any other uncanny ability.



naturalplastic
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28 Mar 2023, 2:21 pm

I cant tell "just by looking at someone" one time obviously. But if you work with a person for a long time you pick up clues. One coworker guy, though around 40, acted like a 12 year old version of me (less street wise, and even more dorky than I act now). Half of the work force would ridicule and bully him, and the other half would sorta baby him because he was "special". I wouldnt bully him, but I would be frustrated with him because he wouldnt master certain basic skills of the job like a certain thing like touch typing- that I had sense enough to force myself to learn early on to survive in the job. Then I was gossiping with a coworker low level supervisor lady - who told me that he was in fact an aspie (she had signed papers so he could leave for shrink appointments, and she said "I was a psych major and could tell he was anyway".

Like gaydar you should usually take your own thoughts with a grain of salt. But as with gaydar you cant not make guesses about folks around you because humans are wired to do that to survive.

But unlike "gaydar", which both straights and gays wonder if they "have" because both groups are obsessed with sex, its only autistics who think about "detecting autism". NTs dont concern themselves with uncovering autism (as such) in others like they do with determining sexual orientation. Or at least thats how it was for most of my lifetime. There maybe more "autism awareness" in society now than I am aware of. An autistic might worry about being 'found out', but NTs arent likely to think "this person is autistic". They will just think "this person is...weird...ret*d...impaired...or 'special' in some way".



PenPen
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29 Mar 2023, 12:06 pm

I think that, unless explicit criteria is shown, this os difficult due to the diversity in individuals. If I had to guess, I'd base it on how much facial movement/eye contact they make.



satorifound
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29 Mar 2023, 9:13 pm

Sometimes.



Dial1194
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01 Apr 2023, 5:09 am

I mean, there are a lot of flags which mean it's more likely someone's autistic, but it's never going to be 100%. And then there's the issue of undiagnosis; there are huge numbers of people out there who are autistic but never suspected it of themselves and don't think of themselves as autistic. If you ask them if they are, they'll say "no" and may even be offended.