If life isn't about being like everyone else, then why do...

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chris1989
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23 Mar 2023, 3:37 pm

people still seemingly or unknowingly follow the same stages of life that their parents, grandparents and so on did ?

I feel have read from other people who also like me go through stages in life where they continue to remain single, haven't got married and started a family and so on and have expressed the fact that like me, have felt alone when they probably are not alone but it feels hard to keep that fact in mind even if you are in a public place full of couples in the real world or seeing photos of them getting married and having kids on social media.

I have written a list down of things I've done since I was 18 and looking back at it to remind me as why to stop my comparison thoughts coming back. I've written how at 18 to 20, I left school to go to college, did volunteering and my dad got me doing manuel driving lessons at 21, at 22, I started uni and then left after four months, between 24 and 28, I had automatic lessons in driving, started paid work at 26, at 27 I passed my hazard perception test for driving and still held on to my job, at 28 I was two years in keeping my job and passed my driving test and driving my own car, and I am now still holding on to my job. I also went aboard to places with family between 25 and 29, for the first time since I was a kid to Amsterdam, Antwerp, Krakow, Rome and Berlin. I feel I should be proud to where I've got so far but it still feels like I'm missing some things and that includes a long term relationship with someone which I should maybe have had from my teens all the way to now and thinking about a life together. I feel I did have that opportunity I should have chosen at 24 or 25 when I met someone and she seemed eager for me to be her boyfriend but I didn't want to rush it and I still wasn't sure she was really the ''right'' person for me and so we stayed friends instead.



rse92
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23 Mar 2023, 3:46 pm

Then why don't you get married and start a family?



cyberdad
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23 Mar 2023, 3:51 pm

There's a weird thing about individualistic culture. People feel complimented when one of their peers tells them they lived a "unique life" or they they have unique style".

I'm reminded of the famous song "I did it my way".

No personal story isn't without trials and tribulations or drama. There must a fall from grace followed by be a redemption somewhere.

Nobody wants to be a boring clone.



Joe90
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23 Mar 2023, 3:53 pm

rse92 wrote:
Then why don't you get married and start a family?


Because he can't find a girlfriend. It's not always easy. He deserves a girlfriend.


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chris1989
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23 Mar 2023, 6:14 pm

rse92 wrote:
Then why don't you get married and start a family?


How can I get married and start a family when I'm not even with anybody at the moment?



cyberdad
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23 Mar 2023, 6:19 pm

chris1989 wrote:
rse92 wrote:
Then why don't you get married and start a family?


How can I get married and start a family when I'm not even with anybody at the moment?


That's the mountain in front of you to climb with wifey on the summit



lostproperty
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24 Mar 2023, 6:55 am

It often does boil down to this problem.

In life generally, people complain about their parents doing their heads in, not having a job, being fed up with their job, friends letting them down, raging at injustices in the world and so on. Scratch the surface though and it's never a surprise to find it's the lack of a relationship or difficulties within an existing relationship that's the real issue.

It's the hardest thing in life to get right I think, NT or otherwise. Sometimes you don't find the right person until you're in your 30s or beyond, sometimes you're just not ready to meet the right person and you need to make a bunch of mistakes first.

Chances of somebody just turning up out of the blue, knocking on your door one morning and saying "Here I am" are next to zero. You've got to reach out one way or another and not give up when the first attempt doesn't work out.



goldfish21
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24 Mar 2023, 2:04 pm

Sooo, you're minimizing all the rest of the accomplishments and experiences of your life to date while equating having a long term relationship as The Measure of a successful life?

Defs some distorted depressive thinking going on here. Read some self help books or seek counselling. There's a whole lot more to life than being paired up with some other human. Stop convincing yourself that if you haven't done, or don't do, that thing that nothing else is really of any significance and you'll be a whole lot happier, healthier, person.


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rse92
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24 Mar 2023, 3:22 pm

chris1989 wrote:
rse92 wrote:
Then why don't you get married and start a family?


How can I get married and start a family when I'm not even with anybody at the moment?


It isn't going to happen out of thin air. You are going have to work at it.



bee33
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29 Mar 2023, 1:32 am

I think that some people are fine not being paired up in a relationship. Some are just okay with it and dealing with it, and others actually prefer it. But for many of us, having a partner is the rock that allows us to live out the rest of everything going on in our life with a foundation beneath it. That's true for me. But I don't have a partner and don't see the possibility of being able to get one.

It's very odd to me that people so often act as if life is a platter being offered to you and it's up to you to pick and choose what you want, and then they urge you to choose or ask why you chose what you did, as if there was a buffet waiting for you, but my experience is that the platter is pretty much empty or there are a few bits and pieces, and you can take those, maybe, or nothing.

I hope you find a partner, but don't let anyone tell you it's on you or your fault for not having made the right choices. Especially for those of us who struggle with social relationships and many other things, we may not have that choice.

Wishing the best to you.