I don't understand why I can't get a woman! [! SATIRE !]

Post Reply New Topic

- Debate which personality disorders she has

- Feed her lots of beans so she'll use your loo

- Constantly reek like alcohol and weed (maybe cigarettes too) and try to kiss her whilst you reek like it

- Drive very fast and wrecklessly while drunk and while you're in the car with her, then call her a p**** when she tells you to stop and tell her she's ruining your fun (this has totally never happened to me before and it is totally not terrifying)

Mmmmm I actually kinda like smoke and drink mouth ^ .
It's an imprinted memory from the Raspberry Man.



- Hide vodka bottles under her deck and in her garage

- Steal her bras and don't give them back

- Make her sit with Brett Badger

A couple of the engineers building a new conveyor/sorting system at work reek like cigarettes and I find it oddly slightly attractive. I've been exposed to too many trash men in my life.

Find a nice BPD girl so you can constantly demean her and act like a massive psychopathic narcissist, and when she's not splitting on you she'll just ignore it and eat it up because, hey, negative attention is attention- lmao

I found bottles like that in very unlikely places when I moved.

- tell her how lucky she is to have you. There are apparently swarms of women who are longing for his body and the unpleasant things he does with it. Who knew.

He was a guy I made out with at a Uni pub.
The dude from the swing set.
Friend of a friend.
I still lurk him a bit lol

mmmm - imprints

My dad hides/used to hide alcohol bottles literally everywhere. I found them outside in planters and s**t, under the couch, behind things I had to move, in closets, in clothes piles, etc. Alcoholics are creative.

But, were any garbage men?

My alcoholic hid them in an old oven in my garage, and under the deck. ^ ^

Vodka was the drink of choice because it didn't smell.

I used to water it down when it wasn't hidden.

I prefer to drink vodka because it doesn't taste like much, but you'll still 100% smell like alcohol if you are drunk enough, no matter what you drink. It like saturates your breath and you'll sweat it out. I stopped drinking it though because I started smelling a bit like alcohol even when I wasn't drunk. :')

- Run across what you presume sounds like a woman in an online game and follow her from match to match, sexually harassing and threatening her telling her all of the very romantic and totally not suggestive things you want to do to her via voice chat. Works every time.

- Invite her to a really, really fancy restaurant.

- Make the reservation under another woman's name.

Hmm really? I always thought vodka does kind of smell...like even has kind of a distinct smell. Like I feel like I would be able to smell if someone had been drinking vodka.

I smell it too but I have the nose of a bloodhound.
It has a reputation for being the least smellable drink, anyway.