Where did I go wrong in my relationship? <satire>

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I did everything by the book, and yet my babe is still leaving me.

Put another log on the fire.
Cook me up some bacon and some beans.
And go out to the car and change the tyre.
Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.
Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe,
And then go fetch my slippers.
And boil me up another pot of tea.
Then put another log on the fire, babe,
And come and tell me why you're leaving me.
Now don't I let you wash the car on Sunday?
Don't I warn you when you're gettin fat?
Ain't I a-gonna take you fishin' with me someday?
Well, a man can't love a woman more than that.
Ain't I always nice to your kid sister?
Don't I take her driving every night?
So, sit here at my feet 'cause I like you when you're sweet,
And you know it ain't feminine to fight.
So, put another log on the fire.
Cook me up some bacon and some beans.
Go out to the car and lift it up and change the tire.
Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.
Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe,
And then go fetch my slippers.
And boil me up another pot of tea.
Then put another log on the fire, babe,
And come and tell me why you're leaving me.
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Shel Silverstein
Put Another Log on the Fire lyrics © O/B/O Apra Amcos

[satire=fiction]

The other day, I had just finished reading the book "Man of the House", by Stephen McCauley.

I strolled into the kitchen, walked directly up to my wife, pointed a finger in her face, and gave her the following speech:

"From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of the house and my word is LAW!  I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I am finished eating my meal, I expect a scrumptious dessert.  Then, after dinner,
you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax.  And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who is going to dress me and comb my hair?

She smiled her sweetest Filipina smile, and said, "Ang direktor ng libing, siempre!"