From AU

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It would probably be ideal to drop an intro in regards to myself, despite the fact that I rarely use forums nowadays as any form of interaction.

The title denotes roughly where I reside. I am suspicious of myself having bipolar, and ADD in addition to the diagnosis from decades ago of the dreaded Asperger's. The reason why I used the term 'dreaded' is because unlike folks who are more fortunate than me, I didn't get the message at some point, and the brain suffered as a result.

I feel like I've reached a dead end. Literally every female on earth seems to be oblivious to the fact that I even exist. I have been a victim of ghosting countless times now by both genders, whether or not predominantly one way interactions count. I am not sure what to expect as somebody who's nearing 40, and I don't have the motivation to seek reemployment, or even attend in person social gatherings now, due to the bloody virus. I feel like the ADD is a recent thing, due to the fact that I was able to attend to long tasks/projects a few years ago. But demotivating situations have had a negative effect on my ability to sustain such focus. I feel like it's only been downhill since 2020, and there have been no positive changes in my so-called life that have been uplifting or anything. I have no true friends, and I feel like I have had to relearn everything since the mishap alluded to above, without minimal if any assistance from anyone else. I am highly sensitive to use of certain words and even numbers. Recollections circle through my head almost every minute, and it gets so agonising to have to intervene nonstop. I am anxious about the concept of employment, and feel like I'm too old to do a course/extensive training.

All my posts on social media are ignored, and the locals with autism seem completely oblivious to my predicament, despite my attempts to reach out.

I doubt there are many folks who are similar to me in this regard. But this is just my 2c worth.

Some refreshing tips/advice would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Welcome to WP! I hope you find it pleasant here.

Advice? I'm not sure whether a group of Autistics would be who many folk would consider a good source of dating advice. And probably not me, specifically.

For my part, about the time I reached 40 I gave up on finding a gal but I did not give up on getting out of the house for something to do (though I never did much of that before 40, even). I was at a party and there was an unaccompanied gal there that I said "Hi!" to. We figured out we had a number of things in common and had a wonderful conversation.

I was just looking for a conversation, not a date. The most ambition I had was getting her to try a recurring event I routinely attended but her schedule and geography precluded that. I figured I would never see her again after the party.

I learned much later she was disappointed I had not asked for her telephone number. Gee! My social skills were not strong enough for me to have done that!

A few months later she needed a favor, remembered me and realized I might possibly be able to help her, and remembered some things I'd said that allowed her to find me and telephone me. She was right, it was a favor I could help her with. While we were talking on the phone I realized I might be able to help her with something else and asked about it...she accepted it. Helping her with the second thing met meeting her, at least briefly, in person so I cautiously tested the waters for combining dinner out with the second favor. She accepted.

We are now married. (For more than twenty years!)

My recommendation is to remember gals are people, talk to them as people rather than as candidates for romance, and help them with things when you can...no strings attached. A polite, useful guy might interest one of them.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

I read your post. Not sure I can offer good advice. All I will give is some advice. It may not add much. If you are looking for a girlfriend or wife, it can be accomplished but you need to have a job and earn a living. That is the first step.

Welcome to WP!

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

I know you exist now

I think you should probably speak to a doctor. It sounds like you are probably depressed. that would explain why you have low motivation and why you have suddenly got poor focus. I think conventional wisdom is that ADHD is a developmental disorder like autism, so you have it from birth unless you get brain damage. Depression is much more likely. Although ADHD people can often concentrate on things when they are interested in them.

Hello Sarah, and Tim. I doubt it is ADHD. But an assessment would decide such. It's possible that the signs are hidden.

I do have several symptoms of depression. But I was virtually face to face with someone who seemed to have a blatantly obvious case of depression, and I didn't consider putting myself in the mix.

My confidence has probably silently decreased over the years. But the changes weren't rapid enough to notice. Various symptoms tend to overlap and mask themselves.

The brain did cop it years ago. The NTs in presence were not able to intervene soon enough. An unwanted 5 day cognitive holiday ensued (from what I heard), which subsequently made my existence miserable (Hyperglycemic c**a) is what I'm unenthusiastically referring to.

And on another note, I seem to be hyper-fixated on the way defaults (NTs) interact, and their calmness/ability to self-regulate. I see myself as someone who is very easily triggered, and often tempted to info dump, even to a near stranger I'll never see again. It's probably part of obsessive-compulsive (whatever). It could be desperation in disguise. But I have a bad feeling that I may figure out these self-taught only traits when it's too late. Again, I cannot rely on NTs to educate me on anything. I'm too anxious about almost everything, including how interaction will go, and what will be the outcomes, which will see me leave the comfort zone. This is a silent deterrent that contributes to my stagnation.

Welcome, people around here are generally nice and hopefully you can find some comfort.

I've definitely got ADHD and OCD and I'm working on getting a formal ASD diagnosis. I will tell you that it is relatively easy to miss the ASD if there are other diagnoses involved, especially ADHD and OCD as those do have similar effects on a person in some areas compared with ASD.

I do think that things likely will improve as you learn how to live a life that's more compatible with the what your brain works.Just learning out to take an effective and restful break at work can make a significant difference.

welcome, we are a friendly group here, glad you are with us!

Welcome to WP, I also joined very recently and am living in Australia.

With the autistic locals, are there meetups you can attend? Autistic people can be bad at getting back to messages etc and it might look like they don't care but they don't know what to say or forget to come back to it. But you might find in-person events flow much more smoothly. You don't need to worry about masking or people thinking you are weird or rude.

Hi Purplepuffin

I have attended various social events to no avail. Any short lived contact with other attendees has faded into oblivion. I have recently gotten suspicious of several accompanying conditions, which have a silent effect on my already limited ability to socialise. I fail to see the attendees as humans. Instead I see them as generic folks who look super adept socially. IE types I can't compete with. I get intimidated too easily.

Hence I end up just sitting by myself in the quiet room, waiting for an opportunity to repeat the cycle, in regards to a attempt to socialise/make a 'friend'. It is also very unnerving having 20-30 folks in one room, who can subconsciously detect my behaviour. I prefer gatherings in smaller numbers. IE just under 10 at the most.

It's a catch 22 for me.

That sounds really hard. Our meetups are usually around 4-12 people so would probably suit you. I wonder if you can find others in the group who would prefer a smaller meetup and have your own smaller one?

Also, it is possible you could have ASD level 2, in which case you could get NDIS. NDIS would let you access things like a support worker to come with you to events, social skills training courses, psychologists, occupational therapy, etc. I don't know how the NDIS would see a diagnosis of Asperger's but probably they would see it like ASD level 1. This would mean you would need additional evidence to show you should qualify (that it affects your life heavily, and if you have other conditions that are exacerbated this would add weight). I don't know how you would get this but a psychologist could probably help. You could also think about maybe being re-diagnosed under the DSM 5 to see if you are level 2.

My posts are regularly ignored
But that's beside the point, welcome to WP

Hi

On social media or forums? The issue at my end is that whenever I post something provocative without realising it's inappropriate, hoards of defaults come out from under their shells to slander me. I know all to well what it's like to feel nonexistent. But it actually seems worse around NDs than NTs I have to admit.



Already have NDIS funding. But how to use it correctly is a huge mystery to me. I have tried OTs, and other avenues to no avail. The virus is still suppressing my desire to attend events, interact etc. Never heard of level 2 ASD or likewise until you mentioned it. The description does match my situation. But I think I'm almost elegible for a level 3 diagnosis. The last 9-10 years of my existence have seen me become oblivious to this, with literally nobody to suggest anything for me. It aggravates me thinking about it just now. But I will look into it. I have referred to a planet in an ND chat channel endless times now. I also tend to repeat the same trash in my head. I haven't gotten an idea of what it's like to live with anyone with my advanced condition, because I'm too oblivious to these problems. I just tend to cry behind a wall where nobody can hear me. But at least someone has alluded to the possibility. I think that if there was a scale from 1 to 300 (100 being level 1, 200 being level 2 etc), I'd be at at least 230 unfortunately.

Re the 'group', there was a regular attendee who had an idea of this. But they ghosted, and now I have no contact with them.

Edit: And what would a type 2/3 diagnosis do for me to be realistic?

Last edited by TT1660 on 21 Apr 2023, 8:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

I wish you the best and hope you find people to share your experiences with.

I really feel for you! I am sure there is a support out there that will help, just have to find it. If your current psychologist isn't helping you maybe it is worth trying another. Your life is just as valuable as anyone else's and you deserve to enjoy it and experience things that will make you happy. Maybe you have to fight a bit longer to find a way to do that.
If you are ever visiting Canberra I'd be happy to have a coffee with you, or you can join one of our meetups which are roughly every 2nd weekend give or take.

Edit: level 2 or 3 just means automatic acceptance into the NDIS, but it looks like you've got this already