Do any of you worry about unimportant things a lot? I do.

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catpiecakebutter
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09 Apr 2023, 8:51 pm

I get stressed out about things that don't really matter like having an upset stomach today, my bank and credit card not working, my parents doing maintenance in my room, I worry about things that are not really important and I wonder if that's common with people with autism. And just a few minutes ago I saw my sister crying because her best friends mother who I don't know really well just passed away from breast cancer and I hug my sister and I realize they are bigger things sometimes to worry about than small things. Sorry for mentioning this. I just need to get this off of my chest because my sister's friend's mom was also the wife of a really good friend of my dad. Is it common for people with autism to worry about things that don't really matter?



colliegrace
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09 Apr 2023, 9:02 pm

Could be generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). And yes, it's a common comorbidity with autism.


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09 Apr 2023, 10:12 pm

Yes, it is common with autism, and I still do but not as much as when I was younger.


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MatchboxVagabond
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09 Apr 2023, 10:25 pm

catpiecakebutter wrote:
I get stressed out about things that don't really matter like having an upset stomach today, my bank and credit card not working, my parents doing maintenance in my room, I worry about things that are not really important and I wonder if that's common with people with autism. And just a few minutes ago I saw my sister crying because her best friends mother who I don't know really well just passed away from breast cancer and I hug my sister and I realize they are bigger things sometimes to worry about than small things. Sorry for mentioning this. I just need to get this off of my chest because my sister's friend's mom was also the wife of a really good friend of my dad. Is it common for people with autism to worry about things that don't really matter?

It definitely is, just look at the criteria, worrying about things that probably wouldn't matter if not for the autism is a significant factor. Those are pretty much all things that people who struggle with executive functioning are likely to be anxious about, because none of those things are necessarily easy for us.

The bigger question though is whether taking steps to address the ones that can be addressed results in a reduction in anxiety. If so, then it's probably not a real problem for you, that's anxiety doing its job. If it doesn't, that's kind of where you probably ought to talk with a therapist or psychiatrist about figuring out what's going on.



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12 Apr 2023, 2:33 am

Yes. I get rattled if I misplace anything, regardless of whether or not it's a particularly important thing. I just can't rest till I've found it. Same with anything that's even slightly wrong, I feel strongly driven to put it right. It takes a lot of effort or self-control for me to let anything go.

But curiously, I rarely get particularly anxious about such things. Uncomfortable, but not worried to death. Though I do tend to feel panicky if the concern is about something important, where there's some kind of a chance that I'll undergo definite suffering if I can't make the thing go right. I suppose I amplify the probability of disaster somewhat, but the disaster has to be at least mildly possible before it causes me much anxiety. I had a lot of anxiety while I was working but only when I could see a risk of getting into serious trouble with the elite. Just that the risk didn't have to be very great before I would get anxious. As soon as the risk was gone, I was fine.



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12 Apr 2023, 5:08 am

catpiecakebutter wrote:
I get stressed out about things that don't really matter like having an upset stomach today, my bank and credit card not working, my parents doing maintenance in my room, I worry about things that are not really important and I wonder if that's common with people with autism. And just a few minutes ago I saw my sister crying because her best friends mother who I don't know really well just passed away from breast cancer and I hug my sister and I realize they are bigger things sometimes to worry about than small things. Sorry for mentioning this. I just need to get this off of my chest because my sister's friend's mom was also the wife of a really good friend of my dad. Is it common for people with autism to worry about things that don't really matter?


The things you mentioned do matter though. It's responsible to worry if you're bank/credit card isn't working. Also you care about your sister's friend's mother, that's quite normal to be upset when someone dies, even if you don't know them that well, you're probably just upset for your sister and her friend. How can you say these things don't really matter?


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12 Apr 2023, 7:24 am

If you have ADHD, nothing is unimportant. Everything is equal intensity.


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nca14
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12 Apr 2023, 8:07 am

Definitely yes. I have an "obsession" about my locality (it is a medium-sized or somewhat large village), I have profound want of certain investments in it or associated with it, I want it to be "as much populated as possible", I feel craving of it, it passionates and fascinates me and I have a lot of unhealthy worries about it.



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12 Apr 2023, 9:24 am

While it's very common in autism...

... This is not something I experience anymore.
I'm not sure -- I just don't have it by the time before I became an adult.

Whether because I'm very tolerant of uncertainty or do not genuinely care about any future consequences -- I find that it's both in my case.


And it seems that it's not based on contexts of the situation.

It's based on my state.

I can still worry, just differently from others.
And also way less often than the average.

But it's still the same as an autistic -- in terms of contexts.

To me, everything could be equally important at one point, or, and then, everything became equally unimportant at one point that it gets annoying.

The former feels might as well play tug of wars in my head that it can hurt and feel like I'm torn from the inside.
And the latter is boring, needs conscious focus and effort on how to prioritize and take it seriously.

But I'd take the latter -- because it's more voluntary.
What's the use of feeling when it leads nothing but to make fool out of myself, or worse, just become a liability?

I'd rather stay in the perpetual boredom and apparent apathy than to involuntarily play the fear version of ping pong -- where YOU'RE the damn ball, every bumpers are the triggers and the emotions are the stupid propellers that refuses to stop. :?

I'm already satisfied with the fact that I'm playing one less stupid game of unwanted instabilities of being a damn human being.


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DanielW
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12 Apr 2023, 9:37 am

All of those things DO Matter. It makes sense that you would worry about them. I'm surprised everyone but @Joe90 didn't notice or were so quick to start diagnosing disorders when the OP was having a valid response to circumstances or physical illness.



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12 Apr 2023, 9:45 am

yes, i worry about unimportant things.

however, i think everyone, autistic and neurotypical, worried about unimportant things.

you can't measure the "importance" of something objectively.

different things are important in different circumstances, to different people. for example, at this second, to me, a flashlight is not important. during a power outage, a flashlight is more important.

plenty of people got their priorities all mixed up. more mixed up than scrambled eggs. my priorities are not perfect or even awesome, but some people got their priorities even worse than me. in my defense.



colliegrace
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12 Apr 2023, 10:17 am

It's about the degree of worry. Of course most people are going to be upset or worried if their bank card isn't working. When the worry is excessive and extends to a large number of topics, that's when it's more of an illness or mental issue.

Here is from the official diagnostic criteria for GAD:

The presence of excessive anxiety and worry about a variety of topics, events, or activities. Worry occurs more often than not for at least six months and is clearly excessive.
The worry is experienced as very challenging to control. The worry in both adults and children may easily shift from one topic to another.
The anxiety and worry are accompanied by at least three of the following physical or cognitive symptoms (In children, only one of these symptoms is necessary for a diagnosis of GAD):
Edginess or restlessness
Tiring easily; more fatigued than usual
Impaired concentration or feeling as though the mind goes blank
Irritability (which may or may not be observable to others)
Increased muscle aches or soreness
Difficulty sleeping (due to trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, restlessness at night, or unsatisfying sleep)


OP makes this sound like something that is chronic for them. I stand by my initial post. I have a professional diagnosis for GAD. I simply made a suggestion.


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12 Apr 2023, 12:02 pm

Yeah, but most of the time those things don't feel unimportant when the worry surfaces... then again, sometimes I know something really doesn't matter all that much, yet I still think what would've happened if I'd done some little thing differently. It's annoying really, but on the bright side, the intense worrying does help with not making a same mistake twice.

...

Well, sometimes at least. Every time I go on a trip, I tell myself to not spend too much on my family's souvenirs. Every time I mess it up. :lol:



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12 Apr 2023, 12:22 pm

Do any of you worry about unimportant at that moment things a lot?

Yep...especially when I'm in bed, trying to sleep...and my mind keeps mulling over something that could wait 'til after a good night's sleep.


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12 Apr 2023, 12:25 pm

I think the OP is comparing the concern over the loss of someone important to you to a credit card issue.

The credit card issue is minor compared to losing someone you love.

But a credit card issue or other day to day type problems crop up, they can loom large (in the absence of an existential issue.)

I also feel the need to correct something right away. I have learned to force myself to put things aside. It can still take effort.


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12 Apr 2023, 3:48 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
If you have ADHD, nothing is unimportant. Everything is equal intensity.

I've sometimes suspected I've got that, but as the first resort of doctors is usually strong medication, I haven't pursued it. Doesn't seem a logical step to subject myself to a lifetime of psych meds or an uncomfortable session or two at the doctor's surgery if my end goal is to reduce worry. And I've survived this long without any such intervention.

It's interesting that many of the non-drug interventions in this article I've found apparently useful in my own case, though I didn't know (and still don't) know what official condition I was trying to fix.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog ... hout-drugs