More on the 'looks' debate

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I've been wondering about this a bit myself when I hear people talk about this. Some say that having looks makes things easier, other people say it makes things harder. I really don't know. From my own perspective and what I've seen other people struggling with it really seems pretty true, not always but pretty much following the generic 80/20 rule, that like attracts like on this level.

The thing I notice, for both aspies and more intellectual NTs both male and female, that having looks can make things a lot trickier on levels partly because its harder to find people with an equal degree of looks who have substance, the way society tends to pamper a lot of people who have them keeps many a bit underdeveloped or kinda crazy - not a good thing for someone looking for something similar to themselves on that level. Also there's the factor that the social elitist bit that comes from the toxicity created by that underdevelopment keeps peoples expectations of you in a place where making the grade means being like all the rest, mainly because that sort of ignorance and elitism is seen as a sign that someone hasn't had to struggle to find themselves or overcome adversity (ie. the eugenic side of the human mind as well as attracton).

On the other hand, not having looks I'm not sure what happens there in most cases but it seems like at the same time people who don't have looks would probably have a greater degree of freedom in terms of what their biology could allow them to be sexually attracted to as well as the fact that. At the same time the social hardships that come with that - the same toxicity that happens with good looking people may take a different form in the sense that if you have a lot of depth or intelligence and want to find someone who's at peace with themselves and life enough to be a good partner may also be tricky just on the amount of bitterness a lot of people may have.

What interests me on this one though, its yet another part of the human experience that we're born with, kinda stuck with, and I do kinda crave knowledge in this area as in a lot of other areas in interaction partly because I come from the angle of 'the more knowledge the better' in terms of coping with life and also I really am fascinated by other people, this may seem like a bit of a superficial facet but I'm still very interested in just how things like this and many other tangibles really do have an impact.

I've looked fine, and it's not caused any
real problems. Indeed, I probably never
would have found females without my
looks. On the other hand, maybe I would
have learned some important lessons had
I had to work to get some - but I doubt it,
because it took me so long to attract anyone
enough to proposition me anyhow.

I don't believe I am super attractive... and I really have no clue where I fit on an attractiveness scale. I don't know if I like someone... if realistically they are way out of my league or not.

My looks definitely aren't good enough to warranty random women coming up to me and flirting and giving me attention and what not. I don't know how much of this is just the way I carry myself and my lack of social skills... the way I look constantly confused, a bit anxious and unsure.

Of course I don't think I've ever been rejected because of my looks... and I have never rejected anyone because of their looks either.

I do believe that due to my appearance... I give myself a bit of leeway in terms of what I am attractive too. I don't know if it's intentional or from my subconscious... but looks aren't that important for attraction to me. I always am looking for something more in a woman... something beyond looks to be attracted to.... it may even manifest itself in how they appear... but it isn't about how beautiful they are.

Ultimately I think this will help me find a more satisfying relationship...

In fact, looks are a factor since much social interaction is non-verbal and others automatically and subconsciously assess appearance. Just speaking objectively, I am not assigning meaning or value, I am considered very pretty. However, I suspect, like being color-blind, I do not know how I would be different otherwise. Of course, taking care of oneself, grooming, etc. will invariably effect your attractiveness, within given parameters. I am autistic, which certainly makes interaction convoluted anyway. So, being 'pretty' in addition may serve to further as further alienation....unknown. I am mindblind and cannot know how/why or if someone is staring at me - strangeness? my looks? Unknown.

For certain, I have a rapport with men. That is, relative to other neurotypicals. Females can be even more confounding to me and sometimes they're just mean. I try really hard. If I truly need something, in public, for instance, I'll only approach a male. But, I was a daddy's girl (until he died after a long illness when I turned 12). NTs can be rigid and even cruel, but men are a safer bet.

I think being pretty is an asset, sort of. I am feminine pretty too, which may give me an air of vulnerability. I am usually kept separate - always. But, I just do not know how to date.....I'm trying. Really lousy at it too....sigh.

I do not think I adequately answered your question: Attractiveness is like a Venn diagram; overlapping with other factors.

I don't know where looks are with me. I try not to think about it.

For those who were wondering, I look kinda like Jared from the Subway commercials. And yes, that's me in my avatar.

Tim

Yes being physically attractive can play a part in how society treats you and relationships. Although I think social skills and personality play a larger part.

I think for an attractive NT person, they are engaged in social interaction alot more, therefore they have more skill and experience with manuvering social circles. I have seen like only one episode of those rich teen shows and it is nothing but all these good looking kids and thier social drama. This is all they do so they get really good at it all.

I guess I am attractive, I have been told so and I have been hit on but still I can't break the barrier with people. I don't have many friends I don't go out I can't talk freely with many people. I feel like an outcast all the time. But by other people's arguments I am supposed to have more friends or social ties and treated better then unattractive people. Sure, initially I think I am more well recieved than people but as soon as my lack of social understanding registers with the other person which is very quickly alot of people don't try to talk to me that much.

And even if you are unattractive if you have really good social skills you can get in anywhere. I have seen people in my high school, people one would think would get picked on, they have all the popular friends. The largest girl in the school had more friends than me. People wanted to talk to her. I have seen people who are considered unattractive have dates get married find someone who loves then or at least really really likes them.

So I think looks will get the invitation first but it is the social skills that take you further than just the looks. Looks are like lube for the engine of social skills, even without the lube things can still work just a bit slower than with it.

Good looks are, on the whole, beneficial. Attractive people make more money, are more likely to get jobs, find partners, are assumed to be more intelligent, etc, etc. Their lives are easier in many regards.

The only downside I see is that being attractive means people aren't as honest with you. If you're unappealing and people still appreciate you, you can be fairly sure that they're not disingenuous. There are no secondary motives going on, and people aren't afraid to tell you off. If you're beautiful, people may fixate on that, and tell you what you want to hear because of the impact you have on them. Beauty is kind of hypnotic.

Looks are the last thing on my mind when looking for a GF.

Like Tim, for those who were wondering, I look like the morphed idiot-child of Jake Gyllenhaal & Tobey Maguire with brown hair & 15 lbs. of excess weight.