Well, it seems that I'm more neurodiverse than I thought. I tried to ignore it for years even though I scored high on a few tests I took. Why? Because - It seemed like just another label - Another thing to be hated for. Yet, as time went on, things did not change and actually got worse. No, ignoring things didn't magically make social situations any easier, especially work situations. Repeating patterns over and over. I'm exhausted and burnt out.
I'm more affected than I thought. First hand experience as to why functioning labels are junk. Think of waves on the ocean or peaks and valleys - All over the place.
I thought I was "normal". Ok, I don't think I was really fooling me. How do I forget decades of extreme bullying and harassment, abuse, ostracism, psychological torture really? Can the pain give you amnesia? I was dissociating for most my life... Here I am. I still piss people off without trying. Not intentional. I'm doing my best not to care anymore. Yet, I can't disconnect from: sensitivity, feelings, emotion, or empathy. Do I want to? No. Yet people want to do their best to crush it out of me being the manly man I am when I'm really nerd cubed. Probably more than nerd cubed.
In any case, good to be back. I probably will post very sporadically as that's how I do things. I won't try to figure it out. I just do what I do. I more than earned the right to be me at this point and breathe. Who knows how much time I have left on this watery beautiful marble (Even though people make it so damn difficult all too often).