Hello, I'm Back. Oh What Am I Doing?

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Twolf
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06 May 2023, 12:44 am

Well, it seems that I'm more neurodiverse than I thought. I tried to ignore it for years even though I scored high on a few tests I took. Why? Because - It seemed like just another label - Another thing to be hated for. Yet, as time went on, things did not change and actually got worse. No, ignoring things didn't magically make social situations any easier, especially work situations. Repeating patterns over and over. I'm exhausted and burnt out.

I'm more affected than I thought. First hand experience as to why functioning labels are junk. Think of waves on the ocean or peaks and valleys - All over the place.

I thought I was "normal". Ok, I don't think I was really fooling me. How do I forget decades of extreme bullying and harassment, abuse, ostracism, psychological torture really? Can the pain give you amnesia? I was dissociating for most my life... Here I am. I still piss people off without trying. Not intentional. I'm doing my best not to care anymore. Yet, I can't disconnect from: sensitivity, feelings, emotion, or empathy. Do I want to? No. Yet people want to do their best to crush it out of me being the manly man I am when I'm really nerd cubed. Probably more than nerd cubed.

In any case, good to be back. I probably will post very sporadically as that's how I do things. I won't try to figure it out. I just do what I do. I more than earned the right to be me at this point and breathe. Who knows how much time I have left on this watery beautiful marble (Even though people make it so damn difficult all too often).



IsabellaLinton
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06 May 2023, 12:54 am

Welcome back!
I like the way you write and think.
I hope to see you around more often!



Twolf
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06 May 2023, 12:57 am

Thank you! I will try. :)



autisticelders
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06 May 2023, 7:27 am

welcome!


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Double Retired
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06 May 2023, 1:21 pm

Welcome back!

I consider it a good sign when people choose to return to WP...I think it speaks well of the planet. And of my decision to be here.

I am not surprised that your self-opinion might've been different than other people's opinions of you. I know that is true for me, as well; though it took me six decades to get from "Why are they treating me differently?" to "Oh! Autism!"

The way I think of it is I was on the inside looking out. I could not possibly see myself the way other people saw me and I could not know what they were seeing when they looked at me. I knew I was a "People" and that when I looked "out" I was seeing others who were all people. I just assumed that I must be like them. Apparently I was wrong.


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CockneyRebel
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06 May 2023, 4:03 pm

Welcome back! :mrgreen:


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Twolf
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07 May 2023, 11:43 pm

Thank you for the Welcomes! I definitely remember you Rebel - Good to see you again. :D



AnonymousAnonymous
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08 May 2023, 5:26 pm

Welcome back to Wrong Planet! :)


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