People Finding Out We're Just Like That

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I read about this on Autistic Callum's page on Twitter.

He said something like: people think we're just being cute or wacky intentionally when they first get to know us, then realise after a while that this is just our personality, we weren't putting it on.

I'm sure this has happened to me. I get to know someone and they think I'm being cute/wacky/quirky for effect. Then they realise I'm just weird 24/7 and they stop liking me.

Has this happened to anyone else?

Yes. I’m just weird.

This has happened to me many times.

It's stupid IMO. Why would people put on a wacky/cute/quirky act when they aren't really like that? Just be yourself.

I quite like being weird though, I've decided.

They start out thinking I'm countercultural - rather childlike and effervescent yet also "cool" because of my taste in music and my ease with teens and young adults. They're fascinated by my synaesthesia, my social cluelessness, my integrity, and my overwhelming dedication to anything or anyone I love. They say I make them feel young again, and I'm refreshing like a breath of fresh air.

I'm seen as "low maintenance" since simple things bring me joy. I don't want cars or trips or bling. It's very easy to win my heart if you keep things on the down-low, avoiding the trappings of modern life. Hand me a book, play me a song, and I'm good.

Fast forward in the friendship. They think I'll be adaptable and able to act "their way" sometimes, like a compromise. What if we just go to this social function and relax all day tomorrow? No. Even when I try, I'm so far out of my element I can't cope. I become stressed and it might take me a month to recover. What if I need bright lights right now? No. I'll have to go in another room with blindfolds and ear defenders. Can we talk about this with heartfelt emotions? Uh, I'll try but probably go mute and not have a clue what to say because of Alexithymia. I'd prefer to talk in writing, even with my loved ones. Even then it might take me months to know how I feel, or reply.

They start to see that my "simple" lifestyle is extraordinarily complex in terms of sensory overwhelm and social disdain. It's not that I don't want to compromise, but most of the time I can't. They start thinking I don't love them, or I'm not willing to "try". I hate that word try. They have no idea how much effort it takes just to exist in a body so broken by ASD/ ADHD / strokes, and trauma. They don't understand that demand nearly always exceeds my capacity, especially since I'm smart.

What you see is what you get with me. Unfortunately, most people in my life come to a conclusion that I'm more trouble than I'm worth. Their fairy-tale vision of my simple life suddenly seems too complicated, and it overwhelms them.

They're allowed to be overwhelmed but I'm not, and that's usually the final straw.

Oh my dear Isabella, I hear you.

That is so clearly and precisely written and EXACTLY what I meant. Well said.

They seem to think we can switch on and off from 'quirky' to normal don't they. And our simple lives are some kind of eccentricity. They are not. They are vital for us to survive.

Another thing is, 'they' can't understand that when I say 'I've had enough of (something) and I need it to stop' it isn't the first gentle feeling of discomfort I've had. I've kept quiet til then so I don't make a nuisance of myself, but really by the time I've said it, it has reached the worst and I literally can't take the something anymore.

I'm trying to learn to nag people so they hear it enough times to believe it when I say I've had enough of something and need it to stop.

Yes. None of what I do is a choice. None of it can be controlled. I've already pared away every element of my life that was extraneous or could be negotiated for my comfort or others. There's no buffer or room for error.

Yep. More times than I can count. People think I'm some great little novelty thing when they meet me. Then the reality of me sets in and I am no longer great.

I'm not pretending to be a manic pixie... it just happens.

Oh, gawd yes!!

Meeting new people at a party where I can entertain them with my sideways perspective on life is one thing -- they like me for making them laugh.

Meeting them again in other social settings is different -- they find out that 'quirky' and 'weird' are normal aspects of my personality, and then they suddenly realize that I am also too 'different' to be their friend.

Sucks, doesn't it?

I call it "Bug In A Jar" Syndrome.

I'm a curiosity or sideshow for many people.
They get their feel-goods from peering into my life because they like my energy.
Once they've had their fill of it they ask for more.
Then more again.
It's never quite enough for them because they assume it's boundless.
If I never go anywhere I must be home regenerating new energy all the time, right?
Sadly when they give their energy back to me it's always conditional.
It comes with obligation and expectation that I'll use their energy to change.

The buck stops there.

Honestly, I wouldn't even know because I am poor with being social and having anyone around.

People either think I'm "cute" (I usually get this from older women lmao) or amusing to be around until they realize I'm legit just odd/delayed, or start out thinking I'm odd/delayed and then eventually find me amusing. Almost no in-between. lol

That's a really good way to explain it.

That seems to.happen a lot to me. People seem to be ok with me at first then they suddenly have no patience for my eccentricity. Not sure why the acceptance only goes so far.

Yes. This mainly applies to food and drink with me. I have to eat regularly and I can only eat certain foods. I have to drink clear, cold water all the time and always have a cup of it with me. I'm not being difficult, I'm managing my health. If I eat foods that disagree with me or if I get dehydrated, I will be violently sick. That is something I want to avoid so therefore I must stick to my rigid diet. People would not like to deal with someone being violently sick, I'm sure.

I also can only walk a certain distance and when I reach that distance I have to stop and sit down for a long time. I'm not being fussy, my body just stops working after a certain while. Although I am trying to increase my endurance.