Kicking her when saying inappropriate things!

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Jamesy
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09 May 2023, 2:46 pm

When my parents first started dating in the 1980s they were telling me how my grandmother (my dads mother) was weird/very eccentric. When they would go round for dinner apparently my grandfather (her husband) would often kick my grandmother under the table when she said inappropriate things.

Do you think that’s a bit extreme to kick someone even if they do say odd things? Sadly my grandfather died in 1991 aged 67 and my grandmother passed away in 1997 aged 66.



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09 May 2023, 4:53 pm

My husband used to kick me when he thought (usually correctly) that I was about to say inappropriate things - generally at the dinner table with his family. He started when we were dating and stopped a while after we were married when I got tired of being censored and started saying “ouch! Why did you kick me?” Out loud.



Summer_Twilight
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11 May 2023, 11:22 am

I used to be friends with an autistic woman and her mom which was off and on for a while. Though the autistic daughter was close to my age, her social and emotional levels are at the level of an 8-year-old. She tends to run her mouth a lot while saying other things that are mean. She also tends to have outbursts at people.

Meanwhile, her mother is weird. Basically, she gets this idea that her daughter needs to be seen and not heard when she's around. The big reason is because she likes to hear herself talk

Anyway, we were at a birthday party one time for another friend. As he was opening gifts, she got excited about one of them because it was associated with something that she was interested in. So she started talking and her mom kicked her gently on her back and said her name, hinting for her to shut up.



babybird
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11 May 2023, 11:34 am

No it's never right to kick a person just because they say something you don't like.

That's physical abuse


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funeralxempire
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11 May 2023, 10:46 pm

How hard? A gentle tap from an elbow or a foot (under the table) are pretty common means of indicating to someone that they're about to cross a social boundary and need to stop immediately.

I wouldn't consider a tap to amount to a kick, even if it was delivered with the foot.

Generally someone won't behave like that unless they believe the person they're prodding will tolerate it, either because of a power dynamic or because the two of them know they need to watch out for each other's faux-pas.


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Summer_Twilight
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12 May 2023, 7:48 am

babybird wrote:
No it's never right to kick a person just because they say something you don't like.

That's physical abuse


I agree with you 100% on that level because there is no excuse for abuse, period. Even more so, kicking a person for saying the wrong thing is control and humiliation. Additionally, emotional abuse can be just as harmful as it's designed to control and humiliate a person.

In fact, a former friend's mother is extremely abusive to her on emotional and some physical levels.

Examples

- One time I was over at their house for Thanksgiving and her uncle had just brought over the fried turkey. She was hungry and openly said, "Finally." Her mom tells her, "Hush."

-Then another time we were getting ready to go out to dinner when she told her that her sister got a new cat. Her mom told her to shut up for that and then wanted to tell me herself.

I have also heard her slap my former friend just for trying to stand up to her.



funeralxempire
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12 May 2023, 7:53 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
- One time I was over at their house for Thanksgiving and her uncle had just brought over the fried turkey. She was hungry and openly said, "Finally." Her mom tells her, "Hush."


Her mom was correcting her for being rude. That's not abuse; there's nothing wrong with this example.

The mom seems out of line in the other two though.


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Summer_Twilight
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15 May 2023, 3:34 pm

She does have the tendency to say rude things and she has said things that have angered me plenty of times. However, I feel like her mom shuts her down over every little thing.



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16 May 2023, 1:18 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
She does have the tendency to say rude things and she has said things that have angered me plenty of times. However, I feel like her mom shuts her down over every little thing.


So, it's more a problem of how indiscriminately she does it, no?

If she only did it for the worst things it wouldn't seem like such a problem.


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"If you stick a knife in my back 9 inches and pull it out 6 inches, there's no progress. If you pull it all the way out, that's not progress. The progress is healing the wound that the blow made... and they won't even admit the knife is there." Malcolm X
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Summer_Twilight
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23 May 2023, 6:25 am

First of all, I respect your opinion but I am not going there.